GUILT OF MOTHERS DEATH

[AlanMichael]

I’ve been dealing with some guilt as well. My mother was so strong. She had cancer for about 7 years but what’s crazy is it wasn’t cancer that killed her it was meningitis. She helped me so much with my move and getting my new apartment set up while I was out of state that I feel she could have caught a bacteria or something doing things for me. I feel it was possible I could have done that to her. And I’ve been living with guilt. I feel at fault at times i know i shouldn’t blame myself or it’s possible it had nothing to do with me but I feel like it’s a big possibility as she mentioned around that time she started to feel sick……I feel horrible…..guilty.

[Lost now]

On 2/20/2022 at 5:40 AM, AlanMichael said:

I’ve been dealing with some guilt as well. My mother was so strong. She had cancer for about 7 years but what’s crazy is it wasn’t cancer that killed her it was meningitis. She helped me so much with my move and getting my new apartment set up while I was out of state that I feel she could have caught a bacteria or something doing things for me. I feel it was possible I could have done that to her. And I’ve been living with guilt. I feel at fault at times i know i shouldn’t blame myself or it’s possible it had nothing to do with me but I feel like it’s a big possibility as she mentioned around that time she started to feel sick……I feel horrible…..guilty.

It's normal to blame ourselves and be guilty when a loss like this happens. It'd our brain trying to create more problems. Everything is predetermined. There is nothing you could have done or not done. That's the reality unfortunately. You will die one day and your mom will come to get you. That's what I tell myself. Each day you are getting closer and closer to your mom.

[reader]

Dear Alan,

I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that struggling with guilt is part of grief.  It's deeply painful to look back and think if only. I know I did this a lot too with my dad. And 5 years later I still do it.

Try to be kinder to yourself. Your beloved mom would not want you to feel this way. You did nothing wrong. I tried my whole life to be cautious and careful and still things happen. We didn't want them to but they did.

If you want to maybe consider talking to a grief counsellor or joining a grief support group. It helps to know you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings.

We are with you.