Tough week

[Jeffh]

My wife passed dec 4,2021. I have two older kids that are out on there own. This week was hard. I went on a business trip when I got to the hotel there was no-one to call and tell I made it safely I broke down knowing that she's not there to call. She was everything to me. I don't have many friends as we did everything together. I came home from my business trip and my wife's friend who watched my dogs came over and I couldn't stop crying. This week was real hard.

[Jen H]

It's been over four months for me and I completely understand what you're going through. The shock, anxiety, and constant crying has lessened but the lonliness has been overtaking me lately.   I also have no close friends and no family except my disabled adult daughter and brother. He was also my everything.  He was my best friend and I never did or went anywhere without him except work or maybe the grocery store.  I even video called him on every work break.  The few times I have went out, it always feels like something is missing. I'm really struggling with feeling so alone and empty inside.  I dont really have much advise for you.  Just want you to know you are not alone in how you are feeling and what you are going through.  All we can do is take each day as they come and hopefully there will be better days ahead.

[Tami M]

I am so sorry for your loss and your bad week.  But you made it through.  

Some days I celebrate getting through each hour.  And maybe the next hour, day, week will be just a touch better.  

It is weird how the goofiest thing can set you off.  

I hope tomorrow will be better.

[KMkm]

I feel the same way.  When I read your post about calling when you made it safely.  I try not to think about all the small things but that made me realize that my wife was an integral part of my day to day.  When my anxiety got bad I would call her or just call to ask what she was doing.  I guess all I can say is feel the grief and break down.  It helps when I cry.  I feel like I'm getting out all the pent up pain.  I keep picking myself up and moving forward.  I try to focus on short time intervals like 30mins to maybe and hr or two, a lot of the time my brain doesn't comprehend what's going on and the numb feeling just overwhelms me and I stumble through the day.  I hope you find what works for you.  Hopefully you come here and share as much as you need to.

[KayC]

This was very hard for me in the early time as well...no one to leave the garage light on, no one to pick me up from car repair, no one to take me to the doctor/hospital, no one to call and check on me.  I'm pretty well used to it after all these years but that doesn't make it any easier.  I miss that, I miss him so much.  Years going by doesn't change that.

[tnd]

On 2/17/2022 at 2:55 PM, Jeffh said:

I went on a business trip when I got to the hotel there was no-one to call and tell I made it safely I broke down knowing that she's not there to call. She was everything to me.

Jeffh:  As I read your post I had a flashback to when my husband used to travel once a month for his job. He always called when he got to the hotel. And then again before bedtime. Even though he'd be gone for only a week, I used to look so forward to those calls. Your post made me remember some of the good times. I think I can relate to how you feel and have to admit, altho it's been years since he had that job I miss the smile in his voice over the phone. I don't think there is anything that can replace your call to your wife but perhaps next time you travel, take along a small framed picture of her. I finally found one of my husband yesterday and after my initial breakdown, it makes me feel a lot better to at least look over at the picture and see his smiling face again. Hope it gets a little easier for you, be kind to yourself and give it time. 

[widower2]

On 2/17/2022 at 3:55 PM, Jeffh said:

My wife passed dec 4,2021. I have two older kids that are out on there own. This week was hard. I went on a business trip when I got to the hotel there was no-one to call and tell I made it safely I broke down knowing that she's not there to call. She was everything to me. I don't have many friends as we did everything together. I came home from my business trip and my wife's friend who watched my dogs came over and I couldn't stop crying. This week was real hard.

I'm so sorry Jeff. These early times in grief are the hardest. I don't travel for work now thank God because I'd be in the same boat. I can appreciate those moments though. I remember the first time I went into a Lowes (a place we went many times) without her...we both enjoyed going there...I could feel it coming on and retreated to the corner of an aisle where no one was and just lost it.

I know this probably doesn't help much now if at all, but the intensity of these moments will not last. It will take time, but it will recede. You can survive this damned thing.