tags Dad's gone but his suspicions of others lives on through us, his children.

[John williams]

I feel my relationship with dad was at its best towards the end, that after all the years of our differences that we parted ways at the high point. My issues of late however is dealing with the ongoing process of helping family with dad's trust while still navigating the waters dad left behind in the form of what dad said of others (ie; who did such & such years ago, who can't be trusted, events that are questionable ect...) The way I see it, dad was human just like me. I've see in him the mechanisms that cloud judgements and I feel compelled to have laid those things of dad's to rest along with him. My issue is: I have 3 sisters, two older, and they themselves are dealing with things there own way. Two of my sisters were with dad when he passed and it was very traumatic three days for them at hospital. I was out of state. My problem is bringing up these issues dad had about not seeing things clearly. Dad's immediate reaction to loosing something was that someone stole it from him. I'll leave it at that and let you imagine just how far that can go and yes, dad had some rather "out there" suspicions of folks we still know and now have to deal with in person. It's got the potential for lots of drama to continue again on now; his children's timeliness.

Question: how can I best approach family about this while they are still grieving without comming across like I'm disrespecting dad?

[reader]

Dear John,

I’m sorry for your loss. I can understand wanting to talk to your sisters about your dad’s past behaviour and his trust issues. I think given that your sisters watched your dad pass away and how difficult that was for them, it would be best to give it more time before bringing this up. Maybe consider writing a letter to them first. Everyone grieves differently and I know for the first year I was particularly raw.

If you can maybe talk to friends or other family members about it first. Or consider talking to a grief counsellor or joining a grief support group to share your feelings and thoughts.