Anyone in their 30s going through a loss?

[Lost now]

I'm only 31. My mom was only 58 and she had no health issues. She got cardiac arrest and I lost her. I am my mom's daughter who she loved the most. We were inseparable. I don't have any will to live. I want to go to my mom. I can't function without her. I don't know what to do. This pain is a million billion times painful than the worst physical pain possible. 

 

[Reanna]

Hi I am also so very sorry for your loss. I surrounded myself with her photos. That helped me a lot. Please don’t give up on your life, she would not want that. I wish I could physically have my mum back. So I talk to her all the time as she was alive. She was my best friend and I also lost her suddenly. I read a lot of quotes and watch a lot of movies and tv shows to help through the grief. Afterlife really is an amazing series check it out. 

[Sydney12]

I'm really sorry for your loss. 

I turned 31 before my dad passed away unexpected December 29th, 2021. He died of a sudden heart attack.

My dad and I were very close but became estranged 6 years ago. He passed away and I wasn't able to say goodbye or say I'm sorry. He was a great and kind person. Any person who knew him and heard about his death said he was a very kind person at heart. He had so much empathy and kindness for people. He went through so much in his life, yet always made sure we were his number 1 priority. 

I walked into my childhood home for the first time in 6 years and he wasn't there. Although I didn't cry during my entire time there, I kept sobbing on the flight back to my own home. However, he might not be there physically, but I know he is somewhere around me. Today, I went to the passport office and there was a father with his child, when all of the sudden, he started singing a song for children to his son ... it was the exact same song my dad used to sing to me before bed. I hadn't heard that song in 20+ years, so it was incredibly eerie as the song is in French and I live in an English speaking country, so the odds of hearing someone sing this exact same song in French are almost non-existent. 

All this to say - your mom might be gone physically, but she is somewhere around you, for sure. Pain triggered by grief is such a personal thing that I can't say I know how you feel, but I sincerely hope time will help you move with the grief in a more bearable manner. 

[Lost now]

On 2/13/2022 at 6:48 PM, Reanna said:

Hi I am also so very sorry for your loss. I surrounded myself with her photos. That helped me a lot. Please don’t give up on your life, she would not want that. I wish I could physically have my mum back. So I talk to her all the time as she was alive. She was my best friend and I also lost her suddenly. I read a lot of quotes and watch a lot of movies and tv shows to help through the grief. Afterlife really is an amazing series check it out. 

 

8 hours ago, Sydney12 said:

I'm really sorry for your loss. 

I turned 31 before my dad passed away unexpected December 29th, 2021. He died of a sudden heart attack.

My dad and I were very close but became estranged 6 years ago. He passed away and I wasn't able to say goodbye or say I'm sorry. He was a great and kind person. Any person who knew him and heard about his death said he was a very kind person at heart. He had so much empathy and kindness for people. He went through so much in his life, yet always made sure we were his number 1 priority. 

I walked into my childhood home for the first time in 6 years and he wasn't there. Although I didn't cry during my entire time there, I kept sobbing on the flight back to my own home. However, he might not be there physically, but I know he is somewhere around me. Today, I went to the passport office and there was a father with his child, when all of the sudden, he started singing a song for children to his son ... it was the exact same song my dad used to sing to me before bed. I hadn't heard that song in 20+ years, so it was incredibly eerie as the song is in French and I live in an English speaking country, so the odds of hearing someone sing this exact same song in French are almost non-existent. 

All this to say - your mom might be gone physically, but she is somewhere around you, for sure. Pain triggered by grief is such a personal thing that I can't say I know how you feel, but I sincerely hope time will help you move with the grief in a more bearable manner. 

Sorry for your loss. I hope I reunite with her (not sure if I believe in it but I want to)

Everyone around me wants me to act normal. My sister has started doing her regular things. She watches TV and laughs. I haven't even smiled in the last 2 weeks. I don't understand how some people are can act normal. I am not able to function without my mom.

[Sydney12]

On 2/15/2022 at 6:00 AM, Lost now said:

 

Sorry for your loss. I hope I reunite with her (not sure if I believe in it but I want to)

Everyone around me wants me to act normal. My sister has started doing her regular things. She watches TV and laughs. I haven't even smiled in the last 2 weeks. I don't understand how some people are can act normal. I am not able to function without my mom.

Everyone grieves differently. 

The first month after my dad's death was absolutely horrendous. I didn't turn the TV or any electronics on for days on end. The pain was unbearable and I couldn't picture myself doing "normal" things again. You have to give yourself the time to grieve even if it takes you longer than the rest of your family.

Just because people do "normal" things, it doesn't mean they're not grieving. After a month or so, I started doing "normal" things again, but the grief is very much present and my first thought in the morning is that my dad is dead. Doing "normal" things doesn't negate the grieving process - some people need that "normality" to keep afloat. They might seem to act "normal" on the surface, but may feel differently inside. It doesn't mean they have moved on. It is generally a coping mechanism to get back into the swing of things. 

I know it's hard, but please take care of yourself. 

[EmmaO21]

Hi there. I am so sorry for your loss, truly.

I am 32 and I lost my dad in December, 2021.. I watch tv and try to do 'normal' things but the grief is ever-present, always lurking beneath the surface. Everyone does this differently and some people (like me) prefer to be 'not normal' behind closed doors.

I am currently home for a visit  and I keep waiting for him to walk through the door. I walk by his car in the garage every day, and I tap on it gently - not sure why, but I do. It hurts. It hurts so damn bad. I want to scream but I have to keep it together for my mom, who's edges are crumbling.

I feel your pain and wish I could give you some solace... all I can say is that the faces of grief change. The pain will transform into something else. Just hold on for the ride.

 

[DebbieJoysDaughter]

I’m so sorry to everyone who is going through this horrible pain. I can relate unfortunately. I don’t know anyone else who’s going though what I am right now so it’s nice to be among people who get it. 

I’m 33. I lost my mom aged 60 on 10/1/21 suddenly and unexpectedly. We had been estranged for a year and a half and had just started re-connecting about 6 months before she passed. So much unfinished business. So many regrets. So many painful lessons for me to learn. So much I wish I knew before she died. 

Most of the time I feel like I’m in total denial. When people use the words “your mom” and “death” in the same sentence, it confuses me every single time. I remember daily that she’s gone and it feels like the first time every time. Such a bizarre experience. 

My dad started dating 2 months after she passed and he now has a serious girlfriend. I’m not even ready to hear about her, much less meet her. But she’s dying to meet me. This has made my mom’s death all the more gut wrenching because now my family is changing even more and it feels like everyone is moving on without me. My brothers are fine. My dad…has a girlfriend. And I’m just here feeling like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. 

[Artistica]

I understand what you are going through. I was on the verge of my 30th birthday when my mom passed. 30 was the worst year of my life. I moved over eight times in ONE YEAR, all by myself. I had noone. My father and I were fighting after she died. I never felt so alone. I made poor, risky decisions and found comfort in total strangers. My cat, my cat was like my little baby, and died the day after my mother. It was horrible. Here I had to dig a hole to bury her (my cat), my mind was swimming constantly, everything was surreal in the most terrible of ways. I went so far as to enlist in the military. Thought they could scream the sadness outta me.  Luckily they kicked me out, I felt like I had nothing to live for either.  I met some really nice people that year, and some really horrible people as well. Please be careful.  It's been five years, and my heart still aches...

[Bunny_Beccah]

I am so sorry for everyone who is going through the pain of a parent that has passed away. I lost my father last year in November. He had some fainting spells and the way he died was awful. Before his death I had this feeling to call my dad but I didn’t. The last thing he said to me over the phone was a secret I have to take to my grave followed by “I love you and I’m proud of you good bye,” I also had this random thought in my head of “A father’s love can be annoying but they mean well,” I was at work when I thought I should call him but I chose not to do so and one hour later I got the call that my dad didn’t have a pulse. He had a fainting spell, fell down the stairs of my childhood home, and he hit his head on the door and he was gone. I drove to the hospital right after my cousin called. On the drive I wasn’t sure if he was alive or dead and that’s when I found out. My mom and I hugged as I fell to my knees on the floor. Dad didn’t leave a will behind so we had no idea on how to go about arrangements. We just completed paperwork at the funeral home and had him cremated. His ashes are still on the mantle above the fireplace in the room he would always watch TV. The following holidays have been difficult. The first one is the hardest. Plus I had some intense additional life events that were just a complete whirlwind. As of right now I am following what my emergency counselor advised me to do which is to feel the grief when it comes, keep a journal, and try my best to keep going. My mother isn’t taking things well especially since they were 10 years away from their 50th anniversary. Plus the family doctor revealed that my dad was encouraged to get some additional tests done at the hospital but he refused to go. My mom took it as my dad lying to her but the way that I see it as two major events that took place before. First off, my father’s mother was in and out of hospitals to the point where he didn’t have any patience with hospitals. (Pun intended) Second anytime a medical procedure was brought up or a method of extending a life where a person couldn’t do anything they wanted to do my dad said “Just go ahead and shoot me,” I look at it as a ‘my body my choice,’ kind of thing and my mom who was a CMT in a retirement home taught me that Kevorkian had a fair point. The way that my parents acted I knew mom would get frustrated with my dad for complaining about extra medical procedures and panic over the money (Thanks a lot corrupt health insurance system) In fact my parents turned down an ambulance ride for the cost of the medical bill. But bringing it back to my father the biggest challenges I face now are figuring out how to help my mom out with the house and finding the best method to incorporate my father’s memory into an upcoming wedding with me and my fiancé. I am glad that my dad taught me so much and was a constant source of help throughout my life. I need to grieve on my own time. I like to think that random signs that he’s still their pop up from time to time. Just the other day a friend and I were just chilling and he brought up a random name which were the names of my father’s best friends. Kind of makes sense due to my friend being a pagan and has an altar to Loki and my dad was into Norse mythology. I wouldn’t be surprised if my dad was on rainbow bridge with all of his past pets and the message got passed along. I cried a little on that last part but this is an amazing website and I am glad I was able to get this out there. 

Long story short, death can come when we least expect it. Life is random but we can still find joy, hope, and love within the chaos. Take time to grieve. Everyone’s grief journey is different. If you can find something in day to day life that reminds you of your parent take that time to feel the mix of pain and joy and then get back to the grind. But, Always, and I mean Always take the time to think about your loved ones.

[Lost now]

3 hours ago, Bunny_Beccah said:

I am so sorry for everyone who is going through the pain of a parent that has passed away. I lost my father last year in November. He had some fainting spells and the way he died was awful. Before his death I had this feeling to call my dad but I didn’t. The last thing he said to me over the phone was a secret I have to take to my grave followed by “I love you and I’m proud of you good bye,” I also had this random thought in my head of “A father’s love can be annoying but they mean well,” I was at work when I thought I should call him but I chose not to do so and one hour later I got the call that my dad didn’t have a pulse. He had a fainting spell, fell down the stairs of my childhood home, and he hit his head on the door and he was gone. I drove to the hospital right after my cousin called. On the drive I wasn’t sure if he was alive or dead and that’s when I found out. My mom and I hugged as I fell to my knees on the floor. Dad didn’t leave a will behind so we had no idea on how to go about arrangements. We just completed paperwork at the funeral home and had him cremated. His ashes are still on the mantle above the fireplace in the room he would always watch TV. The following holidays have been difficult. The first one is the hardest. Plus I had some intense additional life events that were just a complete whirlwind. As of right now I am following what my emergency counselor advised me to do which is to feel the grief when it comes, keep a journal, and try my best to keep going. My mother isn’t taking things well especially since they were 10 years away from their 50th anniversary. Plus the family doctor revealed that my dad was encouraged to get some additional tests done at the hospital but he refused to go. My mom took it as my dad lying to her but the way that I see it as two major events that took place before. First off, my father’s mother was in and out of hospitals to the point where he didn’t have any patience with hospitals. (Pun intended) Second anytime a medical procedure was brought up or a method of extending a life where a person couldn’t do anything they wanted to do my dad said “Just go ahead and shoot me,” I look at it as a ‘my body my choice,’ kind of thing and my mom who was a CMT in a retirement home taught me that Kevorkian had a fair point. The way that my parents acted I knew mom would get frustrated with my dad for complaining about extra medical procedures and panic over the money (Thanks a lot corrupt health insurance system) In fact my parents turned down an ambulance ride for the cost of the medical bill. But bringing it back to my father the biggest challenges I face now are figuring out how to help my mom out with the house and finding the best method to incorporate my father’s memory into an upcoming wedding with me and my fiancé. I am glad that my dad taught me so much and was a constant source of help throughout my life. I need to grieve on my own time. I like to think that random signs that he’s still their pop up from time to time. Just the other day a friend and I were just chilling and he brought up a random name which were the names of my father’s best friends. Kind of makes sense due to my friend being a pagan and has an altar to Loki and my dad was into Norse mythology. I wouldn’t be surprised if my dad was on rainbow bridge with all of his past pets and the message got passed along. I cried a little on that last part but this is an amazing website and I am glad I was able to get this out there. 

Long story short, death can come when we least expect it. Life is random but we can still find joy, hope, and love within the chaos. Take time to grieve. Everyone’s grief journey is different. If you can find something in day to day life that reminds you of your parent take that time to feel the mix of pain and joy and then get back to the grind. But, Always, and I mean Always take the time to think about your loved ones.

This is so heartbreaking as well as motivating to read. Sorry for your loss. Nothing I or anyone can say to fix the problem. I am in a bad state ever since my mom has left us. I am angry, sad, upset at how it just happened and a person so important to me and others was taken away.

I will try to remember the good memories and also write to her. Thanks so much for writing these words. It helped me

[Eric2005]

I am 36 and I just lost my mother. She was diagnosed October 2021; my mother passed in August 2022. I just welcomed my first child in April of 2021. She was the best mom, and if only for a short time the best grandmother. It is destroying me too man. I am leaning on some vices that aren’t healthy. Being sober isn’t healthy for me either though. I had my first panic attack the morning after she passed, I thought it was a heart attack. I think about her so many times each and every day. The only thing that gets me anywhere is knowing she wouldn’t want me to feel like this. I can’t blame her for getting cancer. I also can’t use her as an excuse for not finding help and healing. It’s not fair bro. My mom was my best friend. She was a badass. We even found sunken Spanish treasure together (seriously). I always ask myself WWMD (what would mama do). Get yourself into everything you can until you find something that helps. 

[DebbieJoysDaughter]

2 hours ago, Eric2005 said:

I am 36 and I just lost my mother. She was diagnosed October 2021; my mother passed in August 2022. I just welcomed my first child in April of 2021. She was the best mom, and if only for a short time the best grandmother. It is destroying me too man. I am leaning on some vices that aren’t healthy. Being sober isn’t healthy for me either though. I had my first panic attack the morning after she passed, I thought it was a heart attack. I think about her so many times each and every day. The only thing that gets me anywhere is knowing she wouldn’t want me to feel like this. I can’t blame her for getting cancer. I also can’t use her as an excuse for not finding help and healing. It’s not fair bro. My mom was my best friend. She was a badass. We even found sunken Spanish treasure together (seriously). I always ask myself WWMD (what would mama do). Get yourself into everything you can until you find something that helps. 

Hi Eric,

I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. It sounds like you had such a beautiful, close relationship. I know it feels like a nuclear bomb has been dropped right into the middle of your life and I know how incredibly impossible it feels to grieve this loss. I’m sending you a big hug right now. I promise that you can get through this and it can get better  

It’s interesting that you posted today after this topic has been inactive for a while. It’s allowing me to reflect on my own experience because last time I posted here, I was in a really bad space. It was four months after my mom’s passing.

This past weekend was the one year anniversary. I’ll share with you a little about my year. I hit rock bottom, I became suicidal, I watched a million hours of trashy tv on Netflix, I isolated, I sobbed, I screamed at the top of my lungs on more than one occasion, I gained a little weight, I got a promotion, I started meeting a TON of people my age who also lost a parent (I wasn’t even looking…they just started popping up everywhere), I lashed out at my dad for moving on so fast, I ended up meeting his girlfriend and she wasn’t totally awful, I saw my dad get rid of all my mom’s things and I cried and cried as he held me, I felt my mom’s presence on more than one occasion, I found it easier to make it through the day, I found even though it still hurts and I still think about her every single day, that it’s bearable now. 

On the one year anniversary, I was surrounded by the new friends I made this past year. They held me while I wept until I got it all out of my system, and then we danced all night until the sun came up. I felt her with me so palpably. And I swear I felt her wrap her arms around me and give me a message to settle my heart.

I still have bad days and sometimes they seem to come on with no obvious triggers. But I have found happiness again. It’s not every day, but it’s enough that I don’t want to leave this earth anymore. Please hang in there. Do what you need to do to get through right now but remember that just because your mom’s physical body may not be here anymore, it doesn’t mean that you don’t get to keep having a relationship with her. She will ALWAYS be with you. She is a part of you, just as you are a part of her, and nothing could ever get between the two of you- not even death. I hope this message brings you some comfort and light today, Eric. ❤️ 

[KeyLimePie1]

Hello Lost Now and everyone else reading this post,

I can completely relate to your situation, I am 31 years old and last year my mom passed away, she was 61 years of age. It came as a shock, and with various health issues she would always say to me "I won't see my 70s" - of which I'd rubbish that and say "don't be so negative I don't want to hear that". I thought she was joking and just thinking negatively. I knew the day would come, and the thought used to keep me awake at night, but I did not expect it so soon.

I hope you are coping a little bit better now, but I know this is a long process and a journey of bad days, steady days and a few good days here and there if the simple pleasures can get you through and just provide some distraction. But life is never truly the same. I am finding it very hard, I feel very lonely as my mom was my friend as well as my mom, but I know it's still early days.

I send you best wishes, lots of support and as much light as possible through these difficult days. Hope you are OK.