Why am I dreaming of this

[Penniesfromheaven]

I lost the love of my life 4 years ago. He was so kind and patient I thought we’d be together until we were old and gray but unfortunately it didn’t happen, he was 44 had pneumonia and died. I’ve dreamt about him throughout the years but last night was a doozy I’ve been in a funk all day. I dreamt he came over gave me a kiss when I opened the door like he was coming to dinner and I was in disbelief to see him and I said to him what are you doing here we all thought you died. I don’t really remember what he replied but it felt so real and I felt so confused and I woke myself up out of the dream. I haven’t been able to get over it all day. I wish we didn’t dream things like this about people we love and we know we can’t see for now. 

[KMkm]

Sometimes the dreams are the only way our loved ones can communicate with us.  I lost my wife last December and I had a dream that felt so real and I swear I felt her as we hugged.  She told me that God isn't helping her much.  I told her that God isn't helping me at all.  I was grateful for the dream but I can see how it hurts to.  I hope you have better days and less grief.

[LMR]

I don't have many dreams of him, not that I can remember anyway. I did have a couple a few months after he died in which I knew he was dead. We didn't talk about dying or heaven or anything like that. I remember I was thinking " how is this going to work?". I wish I could dream of him every night.

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss and your reason for being here, but we want to welcome you here to our grief family.

Dreams can leave a profound mark on us, they can be comforting or upsetting and we vary as to which.  I rarely ever dream of my husband and don't get it as we were each other's world and always together and on each other's minds and hearts.  You can search for dreams and likely find other threads on this as we've had discussions on it before and some have shared theirs.
control your dreams? Here's how you can -- ScienceDaily
Dream, How To Control Your (While You're Sleeping) | HuffPost
Nightmares and Bad Dreams in Grief

This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference!

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

 
 

[Penniesfromheaven]

I don’t want to dream about him all the time I feel like I’ll never be able to move on. I had a dream the night before this one and it wasn’t him I was dreaming of but I knew it was someone who had passed that I knew and it was a woman I can only think it was my grandma but whoever it was , was there to make sure to let me know when we die we can come and visit without any of us knowing who we are… if that makes sense? I remember feeling happy about that. 
 

and for@KMkm your dream I can relate to that real feeling but I think God isn’t helping her because she’s there in heaven for God she should be at peace even if it was too early for her to be there with Jesus. No one can understand the grief and pain we feel of not having that person to speak to or hold or laugh with. I have 3 children and 3 grandchildren and there are still days that are just unbearable but we have to keep moving forward because I know and you know that they ( your wife and my boyfriend) would be so mad at us if we were feeling so sad. They are both in a better place I firmly believe that.  There’s a great book I read not too long ago you should check it out… it’s called Imagine Heaven. 

thank you everyone for sharing your stories. It’s so personal but it’s it’s somehow a relief telling someone who knows EXACTLY how you feel 

[Bill V]

So far when I dream about my wife we’re doing things together like we always did, I’m my dreams I don’t know my wife has passed so everything is normal. I’m a very avid dreamer even have had lucid dreams, and when I’m lucid I fly, I love flying in my dreams and it is even more fun when your lucid. I also like to levitate. I use to keep the people at work entertained with my dream stories.  I have also had dream that were so real they effect me all day or longer so I fear having a dream like you with you wife that is so real as I know it will effect me for awhile.