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When it rains it pours....


Manis

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Hello everyone, my name is Seth, I'm 19 and have 3 younger brothers named Corey (16), Tucker (11), and Eli (9). I am not really sure on how this works but I'm just going to explain how the last 3 years have gone for me....here is my story;

In October of 2007 I suffered a sever concussion in football practice causing me to miss 2 months of school subsequently causing me to fall 3.0 credits behind...during this time I lost a good friend of mine in an alcohol-related accident on November 1st. This was all causing emotions and thoughts that my 15 year old mind was not used to dealing with. I began back at school the following semester in January with a fresh-start mindset...little did I know the "big issues" I was going through were nothing but spec of what was to come in the following months. On March 14th, 2008 my mom was diagnosed with Leukemia. I did not know what to think. She seemed so normal other than having average "sick symptoms" like stomach aches and headaches. I knew there was a battle to come and began embracing any type of advice I was given as I had no idea what was going to happen. Months go by with my mom basically living in the hospital until on July 3rd she was given a bone marrow biopsy. This was the miracle I had been praying for. A few days later she was released to come home but was required to go to the hospital each day for 100 days for check-ups. Things were looking up as a 2 months flew by with no issues. Suddenly, on September 11th, 2008 there was a spike in her blood tests. Only pointing to one thing - the Leukemia has returned. It was a shock to me, my brothers, and my father. We had no idea why this was happening. But, in my head I was sure that this was just going to have to become another long battle....boy was I very wrong. On September 15th, 2008 a little past 7:00am my mom passed away in the ICU at the age of 38. It was the blow that I never expected. I was stunned... the following months were filled with family & friends constantly at our house, cooking us dinner, doing our laundry, etc....but slowly one by one each disappeared. It hit my dad hard. He lost his job due to his inability to return to work. He was extremely depressed and began drinking. My brother Corey was 13 at the time and began exploring his own ways of coping...Tucker and Eli were too young to fully grasp what was happening. They understood that she was gone and not coming back but it took much longer for it to hit them than it did to me, Corey and my father. Over the next couple years things were a struggle. Constantly. It got so bad to the point where waking up in the morning due to sunlight coming through the window and realizing the power was turned off was just a normal occurrence. In September of 2010 my dad and brothers moved to Tennessee while I stayed in Georgia with a friend to finish school. This seemed to be a positive step for our family. Though my dad was still having a hard time I could see a difference in him. He was happier (to a degree). Everything seemed like it was slowly getting better. I had a girlfriend who I have been with since August 7th 2010. Our 1 year anniversary was just a few months ago obviously on August 7th 2011.... we had a classic dinner date followed up with grabbing ice cream. It was relaxing and very nice. My dad and brothers had been in Cape Haterus in North Caroline having a vacation and were returning that same day on August 7th. I got home that night from our date and my uncle called asking if I was at the apartment, I said yes and he replied I'll be there in a minute. I knew something was up. It wasn't like him to do that. He came in and asked me if I had talked to any of the family. I said no. That's when he told me, my dad and brothers had been in an accident. At first I was not frantic but more of curious. Due to us having little information (other than the fact that there was an accident) I began calling everyone in Tennessee trying to find information out. 2 excruciating hours go by and each time I got information my frantic level rose. The information kept getting worse and worse but from what I had gathered I knew that my brothers were injured but not critically. I simply could not get information from ANYONE about my father.... But when I called my grandmother (my father's mother) and she told me to hold on because there was someone at the door. I suddenly heard her burst out into hysterics crying. I knew that it was my worst fear....I immediately dropped to my knees crying so hard I felt as if my lungs were going to burst. The person at my grandmother's door ended up being the Tennessee State Troopers letting her know that my dad had not made it through the accident. He was declared dead on arrival... they were traveling home at night and lost control of the van going 80mph and veered off the interstate striking a tree. Corey the 16 year old was ejected from the passenger side window and only suffered a 7inch gash on his head. Tucker the 11yr old suffered a broken hip, pelvis, tailbone, femur, ankle, and toe as well as bruised lungs and a lacerated spleen. Eli the 9 year old only suffered bruises and cuts. My father was killed on impact as the medical examiner says. There is no definitive cause of this accident which is the hardest part to grasp. My dad was a phenomenal driver. This concludes the past 3 years of my life...a very difficult storm that just keeps pouring down on me and my brothers.

I am 19 years old and hardly have lost both of my parents in less than 3 years.....and now I can't stop worrying about my brothers. I have spent so much of my time mentally and emotionally focused on my brothers happiness and safety that when I finally think about myself I feel overwhelmed and depressed. I have had a hard time dealing with this and since I am the oldest, I hold it in. I have to set the example for them. I don't want them to see me down and hurting. I held my feelings and emotion in through my mother's death and it just messed me up psychologically. I just don't know what to do. I have tried counseling but it is just not suffice. I am looking for any type of advice. Is there anyone on here that lost both parents at an age like mine. I just feel so alone even though I have people all around me helping..... any and all replies are very much appreciated.

Thank you all for reading....

-Seth

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Seth,

I can't even imagine all the pain you are going through. First of all I want to say I am so sorry for your losses. You probably get tired of hearing that because you hear it constantly. But sometimes you just need to hear all that to feel comforted. Im 18 and I just lost my father 2 weeks ago so I can feel some of your pain. It was an unexpected loss. I never thought that I would lose my dad at a young age. I never even thought about it. I have not lost my mother but she went through breast cancer. It was hard on me only being in 6th grade and seeing my mom go through all her surgeries. Its an unimaginable pain that no one can understand until they go through it. I know what you mean by not wanting to break down in front of your brothers. I have 3 older brothers. So I worry about that with my neices and nephews. Its good that you are there for them and that you are supporting them. But its ok to show emotions sometimes. It lets them know its ok to express their feelings. They might think it doesn't bother you and might hesitate to come you to for someone to talk to. Stay involved in their lives because you will all need each others support. Also make sure that you don't forget about yourself. Still make time for you and focus on your future. Don't let it stop you from your goals in life. As for counseling, many people have told me to try it. But I just think I would rather talk to someone who knew the one I lost. They can offer more advice than anyone out there. Whether its a family member or friend. Sometimes just talking and letting all your feelings out to someone who can relate helps. You have each other as moral support.

Keep your head up,

Brooke

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I am so very sorry for the loss of your mom and your dad. The pain of having to deal with that and not having them there to support and guide you at such an early age must be immense. You and your brothers have been through so much. You sound like an awesome big brother. They are lucky to have you and I know you feel lucky to have them. You are all hurting and it is wonderful you are there for them but you need to take care of yourself too. I am glad you have other people around to help. Is there anyone you can talk with? I lost my mom a little less than a year ago and I feel like talking about it helps. Honestly, my family is not that great at listening to me on this so I use this site which has people who understand and get what it is like to lose someone. I have found that my grief can make me feel angry, weak, sad, numb, frustrated, confused, sad, you name it. All of these as I understand it are normal. For a lot of us it is worse to keep things bottled up in side. Be kind to yourself. Please come and share here anytime you want. God Bless...I will keep you in my prayers.

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Hello everyone, my name is Seth, I'm 19 and have 3 younger brothers named Corey (16), Tucker (11), and Eli (9). I am not really sure on how this works but I'm just going to explain how the last 3 years have gone for me....here is my story;

In October of 2007 I suffered a sever concussion in football practice causing me to miss 2 months of school subsequently causing me to fall 3.0 credits behind...during this time I lost a good friend of mine in an alcohol-related accident on November 1st. This was all causing emotions and thoughts that my 15 year old mind was not used to dealing with. I began back at school the following semester in January with a fresh-start mindset...little did I know the "big issues" I was going through were nothing but spec of what was to come in the following months. On March 14th, 2008 my mom was diagnosed with Leukemia. I did not know what to think. She seemed so normal other than having average "sick symptoms" like stomach aches and headaches. I knew there was a battle to come and began embracing any type of advice I was given as I had no idea what was going to happen. Months go by with my mom basically living in the hospital until on July 3rd she was given a bone marrow biopsy. This was the miracle I had been praying for. A few days later she was released to come home but was required to go to the hospital each day for 100 days for check-ups. Things were looking up as a 2 months flew by with no issues. Suddenly, on September 11th, 2008 there was a spike in her blood tests. Only pointing to one thing - the Leukemia has returned. It was a shock to me, my brothers, and my father. We had no idea why this was happening. But, in my head I was sure that this was just going to have to become another long battle....boy was I very wrong. On September 15th, 2008 a little past 7:00am my mom passed away in the ICU at the age of 38. It was the blow that I never expected. I was stunned... the following months were filled with family & friends constantly at our house, cooking us dinner, doing our laundry, etc....but slowly one by one each disappeared. It hit my dad hard. He lost his job due to his inability to return to work. He was extremely depressed and began drinking. My brother Corey was 13 at the time and began exploring his own ways of coping...Tucker and Eli were too young to fully grasp what was happening. They understood that she was gone and not coming back but it took much longer for it to hit them than it did to me, Corey and my father. Over the next couple years things were a struggle. Constantly. It got so bad to the point where waking up in the morning due to sunlight coming through the window and realizing the power was turned off was just a normal occurrence. In September of 2010 my dad and brothers moved to Tennessee while I stayed in Georgia with a friend to finish school. This seemed to be a positive step for our family. Though my dad was still having a hard time I could see a difference in him. He was happier (to a degree). Everything seemed like it was slowly getting better. I had a girlfriend who I have been with since August 7th 2010. Our 1 year anniversary was just a few months ago obviously on August 7th 2011.... we had a classic dinner date followed up with grabbing ice cream. It was relaxing and very nice. My dad and brothers had been in Cape Haterus in North Caroline having a vacation and were returning that same day on August 7th. I got home that night from our date and my uncle called asking if I was at the apartment, I said yes and he replied I'll be there in a minute. I knew something was up. It wasn't like him to do that. He came in and asked me if I had talked to any of the family. I said no. That's when he told me, my dad and brothers had been in an accident. At first I was not frantic but more of curious. Due to us having little information (other than the fact that there was an accident) I began calling everyone in Tennessee trying to find information out. 2 excruciating hours go by and each time I got information my frantic level rose. The information kept getting worse and worse but from what I had gathered I knew that my brothers were injured but not critically. I simply could not get information from ANYONE about my father.... But when I called my grandmother (my father's mother) and she told me to hold on because there was someone at the door. I suddenly heard her burst out into hysterics crying. I knew that it was my worst fear....I immediately dropped to my knees crying so hard I felt as if my lungs were going to burst. The person at my grandmother's door ended up being the Tennessee State Troopers letting her know that my dad had not made it through the accident. He was declared dead on arrival... they were traveling home at night and lost control of the van going 80mph and veered off the interstate striking a tree. Corey the 16 year old was ejected from the passenger side window and only suffered a 7inch gash on his head. Tucker the 11yr old suffered a broken hip, pelvis, tailbone, femur, ankle, and toe as well as bruised lungs and a lacerated spleen. Eli the 9 year old only suffered bruises and cuts. My father was killed on impact as the medical examiner says. There is no definitive cause of this accident which is the hardest part to grasp. My dad was a phenomenal driver. This concludes the past 3 years of my life...a very difficult storm that just keeps pouring down on me and my brothers.

I am 19 years old and hardly have lost both of my parents in less than 3 years.....and now I can't stop worrying about my brothers. I have spent so much of my time mentally and emotionally focused on my brothers happiness and safety that when I finally think about myself I feel overwhelmed and depressed. I have had a hard time dealing with this and since I am the oldest, I hold it in. I have to set the example for them. I don't want them to see me down and hurting. I held my feelings and emotion in through my mother's death and it just messed me up psychologically. I just don't know what to do. I have tried counseling but it is just not suffice. I am looking for any type of advice. Is there anyone on here that lost both parents at an age like mine. I just feel so alone even though I have people all around me helping..... any and all replies are very much appreciated.

Thank you all for reading....

-Seth

Seth,

I am so utterly sorry about the sorrow and loss you have suffered. For such a young age, your loss is tremendous, but you are obviously very strong and resilient. Even by deciding to come here, you've allowed yourself to openly grieve and you show you are willing to move forward somehow. Talking with others and sharing your feelings are the very best ways to cope and deal with such profound loss. Actively encourage your brothers to share, too. Don't be afraid to take the help that is offered you.

Do your best to continue to make plans for your future and live your life. Please do not get mixed up with drugs or alcohol to try to mask or hide your feelings. It will only complicate things in the end, and then it will be even more difficult. If it is possible, please try to join a grief and loss group.

We will be here to listen to you and support you.

ModKonnie

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