Members LMR Posted February 7, 2022 Members Report Share Posted February 7, 2022 What is happening to me? I have become overwhelmed with doubt. Did it really happen? Did I see his body? Could it be a mistake? A trick? Was it somebody else? Is he still in the hospital? I realise that we are all trying to make sense of something that is incomprehensible but this is now becoming frightening. The self doubt. Am I going insane? 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Bill V Posted February 7, 2022 Members Report Share Posted February 7, 2022 Some where I read where Doubt or disbelief was part of grieving, a way for the mind to deal with the loss, slow things down so it can come to terms with it. But I can’t find where I read that, either a book or one of the internet sties I have been to. I’ll keep looking for it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LMR Posted February 8, 2022 Author Members Report Share Posted February 8, 2022 Thank you Bill. I too have read this. I have had some level of denial for the last 18 months. I was trying to go to sleep and got hit with this new one which was scary, I was really doubting my sanity. I was afraid and just needed to tell someone. Thanks for being there. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 8, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted February 8, 2022 I almost spit out my coffee when I read this...I have wondered the same things, I've had to go to the drawer and view his birth and death certificate, yes he lived, he died, I look at pictures and his handwriting...why then does it seem like a long ago dream I conjured up? The farther I get from the reality of him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LMR Posted February 8, 2022 Author Members Report Share Posted February 8, 2022 Oh Kay. I am so sorry if I dredged up a bad memory. That is exactly what I had to do, check the death certificate. I wanted to call my friend who had come with me to the hospital and ask her but I didn't want to sound loony. Yes, sometimes it seems like he never existed, that is frightening too. I have a whole book shelf of grief books now as I try to find answers to the impossible. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Bill V Posted February 8, 2022 Members Report Share Posted February 8, 2022 18 minutes ago, LMR said: I have a whole book shelf of grief books now as I try to find answers to the impossible. Yeah I started my collection of grief books too lol. But the best help I have gotten so far has been here bouncing ideas off of people who have been through this. It is comforting knowing others have gone through the same things as you and your not going crazy. Hang in there. HUGS! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 9, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted February 9, 2022 21 hours ago, LMR said: Oh Kay. I am so sorry if I dredged up a bad memory. It's not, please no worries! It's just a memory now...without the pain, maybe time does heal to a point. Some of it anyway. I just wanted you to know, I've been through that feeling as well...after this many years gone by it feels like a lifetime ago and surreal, if that makes any sense. OMG, what I wouldn't give to have him walk through that door! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LMR Posted February 9, 2022 Author Members Report Share Posted February 9, 2022 5 hours ago, KayC said: I just wanted you to know, I've been through that feeling as well...after this many years gone by it feels like a lifetime ago and surreal, if that makes any sense. OMG, what I wouldn't give to have him walk through that door! Thank you, it does help. I think I will be like you, grieving for a very long time, but he really was my everything. I know he isn't going to walk through this door but I can still remember the sound of his key in the door and how it would make my heart leap. On 2/8/2022 at 6:24 PM, Bill V said: But the best help I have gotten so far has been here bouncing ideas off of people who have been through this. Yes, I still come here every day for solace and support. The books are for something else, I think I am looking for someone to convince me that I really will be with him again. I used to think I was just "sitting on the fence" but after losing him I realised that I didn't believe in anything anymore. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Loriii Posted February 10, 2022 Members Report Share Posted February 10, 2022 I understand your feeling, LMR. It happens to me randomly, especially these past few days. Sometimes I think she might have a twin sister or someone "cloned" her. But one thing that really bothers me is that her family might have mishandled the part where she had a heart attack or there was a negligence on their part. I felt like, that thing could have been prevented if I was there. They also just didn't want to admit (she was transferred to another hospital from here then I went there 2 days later, but I when I arrived, she's already in coma). 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LMR Posted February 10, 2022 Author Members Report Share Posted February 10, 2022 2 hours ago, Loriii said: But one thing that really bothers me is that her family might have mishandled the part where she had a heart attack or there was a negligence on their part. I can certainly sympathize with you here. My husband died from an unrelated infection acquired at the nursing facility while recovering from a hip broken hip. It would not have happened if I had been allowed in. It eats me up! 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Loriii Posted February 10, 2022 Members Report Share Posted February 10, 2022 15 minutes ago, LMR said: I can certainly sympathize with you here. My husband died from an unrelated infection acquired at the nursing facility while recovering from a hip broken hip. It would not have happened if I had been allowed in. It eats me up! I feel you here. It's those times when you feel that you know it could've been different if you were personally there. Like, you're going to do everything for that person you love the most. Everything for them to continue living their life. I'm sure other people or even her sister (in my case) doesn't care and love the person like we do. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 10, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted February 10, 2022 17 hours ago, LMR said: I used to think I was just "sitting on the fence" but after losing him I realised that I didn't believe in anything anymore. Faith is a choice.. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen. I believe. I choose to believe, it's all I have. If you knew the unlikelihood of us ever meeting, and yet we did, and our connection was immediate and deep, we could relate, feel, understand each other. The connection was amazing, yet it happened. So it's not a stretch to me to believe, we will be together again. He's out there, he exists, I will find him, and even now it wouldn't surprise me if he is here with me in spirit. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LMR Posted February 10, 2022 Author Members Report Share Posted February 10, 2022 7 hours ago, KayC said: I believe. I choose to believe, it's all I have. If you knew the unlikelihood of us ever meeting, and yet we did, and our connection was immediate and deep, we could relate, feel, understand each other. The connection was amazing, yet it happened. So it's not a stretch to me to believe, we will be together again. He's out there, he exists, I will find him, and even now it wouldn't surprise me if he is here with me in spirit. I knew he was "the one" the moment I set eyes on him. There was some kind of recognition. We used to laugh about our "love at first sight" but it was wonderful. I know we were meant to be together. Maybe when I am in less pain it will be easier to believe we still have a future. I'm glad you have that Kay. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 11, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted February 11, 2022 16 hours ago, LMR said: Maybe when I am in less pain it will be easier to believe we still have a future. Sometimes I think that's all that's gotten me through this.. I have to believe, to have that hope. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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