i don’t know what to do anymore

[latwin]

it’s been almost 4 1/2 years since my dad passed away. grief comes and goes, but this time it’s hitting really hard. i never got to fully process my dad’s death when it happened, and i don’t really know how to figure out my feelings.

i miss him so much that it hurts. my heart aches so so much. no one in my family talks about him as much and it makes me so sad.

i miss him and i wish i could’ve at least said goodbye. 

[Ash90]

Hi, I’m very sorry for your loss. My dad passed away less than 2 weeks ago and it still feels unreal to me. I wasn’t with him during his last moments so I know what you mean when you say you wished you would’ve said goodbye, I was the first to be informed by the hospital that he had passed and that morning was very traumatic for me because none of us were expecting him to pass away. I too wish I could’ve told him how much I loved him one last time but unfortunately those things aren’t in our control. But I can tell you one thing, that our dads knew that we loved and cared abt them and maybe didn’t want us to see them take their last breath. Maybe no one talks abt him in your family because they honor him in their own way or it brings up painful realizations that he’s not there anymore. Everyone has their own way of grieving and honoring loved ones who have passed. I’m praying you find healing and strength through these difficult moments 

[Traz]

Hi Latwin,

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved dad. Grief is so different for each person and it may take awhile for you to come to terms with it. September 2022 will be year 3 since my mom died and I can't believe it. It still feels very raw to me and new. I feel like you, that I didnt process it at the time either. I was in the middle of a huge thing with one of my siblings and so angry at how she treated our mom. My anger, disgust and subsequent estrangement from her prevented me from grieving properly. It's been a long time and I'm still coming to terms with it. Can you pinpoint why you weren't able to process your dad's death at the time? 

Are you able to write your feelings down in a journal? I have a separate one that I use just for writing to my mom. I tell her about what's going on in my life, how I miss her... just things like that. It helps me to feel connected somehow.

My grief is hitting hard recently too, even all this time later. I had to leave a store I was shopping in the other day because it was where I always took my mom. The memories of being in there with her were just too overwhelming.  

I feel for you and not getting to say good-bye is heartbreaking. Also, if other family members aren't mentioning your dad much now, that can feel really painful too. Maybe it makes them uncomfortable, but let them know it's okay to talk about your dad. He was an important part of your life. 

I am going to look into some (hopefully) free grief counselling in my area. That might help you too. Take care of yourself and grieve in whatever way feels right.