Life is Unique

[ExperienceOverall]

It's funny. I never have felt grief in my life, and I would think that my first time feeling grief would be when somebody in my immediate family passes away. Unfortunately, it's from a relationship. How do I feel this way when the person in a relationship has not passed away? They are a phone call away (I am disciplined so I know I won't call them or anything) yet I've never felt so detached from the world. We ended on good terms as well, which is most likely the reason it is difficult to move on. We both collectively decided that it is best for our mental health if we do not contact each other for a while for us to heal and grow as individuals. The reason why we broke up was because the distance affected our insecure and sort of co-dependent relationship. It wasn't healthy for either of us to still be in the relationship anymore, although we still love each other a lot. I want to be single more than ever now. I actually have wanted to be single for a while because being in a relationship (with anybody) in general seemed to stress me out compared to being single. I don't have negative thoughts really, it's more so this detached feeling from life. I have pushed myself to hang out with friends, go out, etc. I have a pretty solid time but there are times where I feel like I am in my own world and do not feel like I connect with my friends as much as I would like to. The reason why is because I don't feel like they are the best people to connect with on an emotional level, as they feel like friends that have a good time and that's all. I also don't want to depend on a friend emotionally and turn them into my therapist and keep expressing my feelings to them (yes, I have a therapist to clarify). I honestly feel a lot of comfort being alone. It's what I am used to. I am okay with going out in public alone, to the movies, dinner, etc. That's not the issue. The issue is how disconnected I feel from the rest of the world and how I feel like if I'm with other people. I either can feel okay or have to force myself to have the energy and mental capacity to socialize with them. I just want one friend that won't be interested in anything romantic/sexual,etc. AT ALL, and just be there for me for emotional support and remind me that I am not alone in what I am going through. 

[reader]

Dear ExperienceOverall.

Please know you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. I know I feel that way too. We are all humans and sometimes we long for someone to understand us and meet us where we are. 

It's hard to find the right friends that will understand but they are out there.

Don't be afraid to reach out and connect with supports in the community or through church.

We are here to listen. x