Hard to get through some days

[Tiffany Gilleylen]

I loss my only sibling about 5 months ago and I am struggling daily to make it through. Some days are worse than others, I can't understand what to do about not being able to talk to him. He's been my big brother all of my life. We're 16 months apart. 

[reader]

Dear Tiffany,

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's normal and natural to feel this way. Grief levels us and makes us raw. I know it was very hard for me for 2 years after losing my dad. Counsellors and friends and family and colleagues made the following suggestions to me. Join a support group, seek grief counselling, writing in a journal, starting new rituals. talk to your brother as if he was in the room, drawing, painting, talking to trusted friends.

Please know we are with you. 

[Tiffany Gilleylen]

Thank you so much for your reply and yes, I am trying to do some of those things. I appreciate the advice

[Gail Harwood]

Tiffany, I am so sorry for your loss. These losses for all of us are unique, often due to the role our loved one played in our life. It sounds like your brother may have been a role model, confidante, protector, friend, leader, and so much more. Such a profound loss must feel like it shattered your soul. I am very new to my grief journey, having lost my only sister 1 month ago. And my soul most definitely is shattered. Not an hour goes by that I don’t cry for her. I recognize the wisdom in the steps outlined by the other responder/ reader, and intend to eventually engage in all those activities. What I would like to share with you is that so far, I’ve found the most relief from the pain, if only temporary, by “ bringing my sister forward into the day” . I greet her every morning and talk to her all day long. I say good night in hopes I will see her in my dreams, which hasn’t  happened yet. I cannot imagine or accept a life without her, so reading about bringing her along with me, rather than feeling like I’ve left her behind has been the first step towards healing my grief. I hope that might help you too. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Catherine Maloney]

Hi Tiffany, I am so sad for you. I lost my brother a month ago. It was sudden and I am still waiting to find out what caused his death. My mother died just over a year ago and it was just me and my brother left. I had to travel from home to organise his funeral and I just returned a few days ago. My husband was amazing when it first happened but now there is a strain between us. I have been cheerful around him and have carried on as best I can but he is struggling, so now I have that burden as well. I just need a safe place where I can connect to people who truly understand. Take care as best you can.

[Maggie W.]

HI Tiffany and Catherine, I am so sorry for your losses. My brother died by suicide in October 2021. Twenty years ago, my father died in motorcycle accident. My eldest sister died forty years ago in her sleep from anorexia and alcoholism. I speak with my departed siblings and dad all the time. I sing their songs when they come on the radio. I ask for their help when I'm not doing well and look for reminders of their lives and spirits in nature. Being outdoors and exercising has been essential for recovering for me and for learning to live without them. Please consider any kind of exercise as it can help your body, mind and spirit to process your loss. As Gail H. mentioned, I carry them forward with me; they live on through me.  I'm influenced by their absence to be kind, compassionate and the best person I can be. I will never stop missing their precious selves. 

[Mea88]

So sorry for your loss. I understand. But you can talk to him..always. I hate general platitudes and don't believe the general cliches around grief and loss always help...but I constantly 'talk' to my brother (sometimes out loud) as crazy as that may sound. I do genuinely believe that although this will never replace having him back it really helps. I think it helps your soul 'sort through' the pain. Best wishes