Relapse

[LMR]

I thought I was managing quite well but this past week has been awful. I am coming up to 18 months. 18 months without him! I can hardly believe that is true. I just want to cry all the time. I miss him so much and I don't understand how he can not exist anymore. I just want to go home. Back to my old life, back to my love.

I've been doing 'one day at a time' but every so often that thought breaks through - 'life without him'. I don't want it, it is getting harder not easier. I don't know what to do.

Sorry for the rambling, I needed to let it out.

[Jen H]

I've only been going through this for 3 1/2 months so I don't have the  answers for you.  All I can say is from coming to this site and others that you really never move on or get over it.  You just learn to live with it.  It feels like a neverending roller coaster of emotions.  I know it feels unbearable for you right now but I have faith you will get through it.  There's people here who have been in this nightmare way longer than me so I'm sure they can give you some good advice. 

[Jennifer Uren]

8 hours ago, LMR said:

anymore. I just want to go home. Back to my old life, back to my love.

You took the thoughts out of my mind. The words out of my mouth. I want/need him to continue our journey. I don’t know myself without him. I try to take it one day at a time. It’s a life without joy. I’m just a shell of a person. But when my mind ventures off to what the future will hold I’m riddled with anxiety. I have no words of advice but maybe the comfort that myself and others here share in your pain and have compassion for you. 

[Kay2021]

I remember coming here at 2 weeks mark and thinking how can anybody possibly be sadder than me? It is a little over 6 weeks now for me and it is not getting any easier. I seem to cry more everyday as time goes by. The sorrow seems to furrow deeper and fill in the heart and I am full of sorrow each and everyday. I too want to go home to old life where my husband lives and share every bit of our life together. I just don't get it why I was give this life without him. Just over a 6 weeks ago, I was with him. I want him back.

[KayC]

I am so sorry, I remember feeling the same, it gradually gets to where you can carry it but can't say when that happens, I only know that for me it took a long time (years), I tried rebuilding my life, so hard to do!  I did learn there's no way to circumvent this, just go straight through it, pain and all, it's when we allow ourselves to grieve that we begin to process it, which is in itself a process.  Keep coming here, vent, cry out, get it out, you're heard and we're listening and caring.    II wish I could take this away...from all of us.

[foreverhis]

The "worst" setbacks for me were about 6 months (the shock wore off; legal stuff mostly finished; other people moving forward with their lives), 1 year (for the obvious reasons), and 18 months (which surprised me quite a bit).

Here's a thread from last November addressing this very thing:

Regressing at 18 months

All I can tell you is that for me, it was a tough time, yet I was able to move through it and forward a little faster and maybe easier than the 6 month and 1 year marks.