My cat milo died a few days ago

[Adam567123]

Just a couple days ago I had to put down milo my cat who was only 2. He was having breathing problems but we thought he was just struggling to digest food or something but it was a day or 2 later where we got concerned because he looked like he lost all his energy. So we decided to take him to the vet and that’s when I found the bad news. The vet said he had lung cancer and the tumor was very big/ plus all the fluid had nearly filled his lungs. He said he was dying and there’s nothing we can do other than put him down. I was shocked, tears rolling down my face. My head was full of emotions that I should have questioned the vet more and more about his life. But I couldn’t. He was a gentle calm wonderful mature cat for his age and I can’t believe I didn’t try harder to save him. I just cried and agreed to what the vet was saying. I’m sorry milo for not trying as much as I could. Please if anyone is a experienced vet can you give me your email so I can send you the X-ray of his body. I feel like they were quick to Say he is gonna die so put him to sleep. Could you see if they where right? 

[KayC]

 

@Adam567123  I am so sorry for your loss.  I saw you posted identical post in another thread, so will respond here.  I'm not a vet and never see any on here so I don't have an answer for that, you could take it to another vet for a second opinion.  In the end, we try to make sense of something that does not make sense to us and there is no answer we'd likely like or agree with.  They died.  We couldn't stop it.  It's the hardest thing in the world to adjust to someone being gone that we love, that was part of our family, that we still want in our lives very much!  My heart goes out to you, I know this is hard.  Losing my pets and my husband were the hardest losses I've ever had to endure.  It has a beginning but no ending.  I wrote this a few years after the death of my husband...

This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference!

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

 

[Emotional-Change-534]

I have a very similar story to this. Our cats even had the same name. Ours was a year old and behaved the same way. He looked and acted very healthy until the day before he was gone. He was still full of energy. The day before, he was low energy and stopped eating. I assumed he had a stomach problem and planned to take him in the next day if he wasn't better. A very similar thing happened just a month ago and he did improve the next day. The vet even said that if it happens again, just observe him and bring him in if he doesn't improve. We did exactly that. But it turned out he had an advanced lung disease. It may have been cancer as well. We're not sure yet.


I am feeling the same thing that you have been feeling. The strongest part is me wanting to help him still. I want to find a way to fix this, and I would give anything to have him back. I am in utter shock still and it constantly feels as though this can't be real life. I feel like I would run through thorns and give a limb if it would have helped him. A big part of the joy of having him for me was knowing that I would be caring for him through his whole life. I wanted to make sure he lived the best life he could have lived. This was not possible to predict though, and we can know that because we cared about him so much that we would have acted as soon as something was wrong. You did the same thing. You saw something wrong and took him to the vet because you watched over him. 

One thing that helps me is remembering that the reason grief comes is because you have lost something you cared about. We both had companions we felt deeply for and if you had proved to me two years ago that I would have to feel this extreme pain in order to have given him the good life he had I would have accepted it. Realize that the sacrifice of grief is also what gave him the love while he was here.


Again, I am feeling something very similar to you when it comes to the vet. I have been replaying the whole morning in my head. What could I have done and what could I have said that may have changed his outcome? The truth is that there was nothing to do. There was no reason to suspect it was an emergency of this kind until we were told. They were young cats and what happened was rare and unlucky. To feel this way is normal though. For me, it is a mixture of the very common feelings during grief of bargaining, denial and anger. I would do anything for him, but that's also why I was able to make sure his life was so good while he was here. Slowly the grief will become memories of the positive things. You can eventually heal and see his life as too short, but still a good thing for both of you with the love that formed while you were together. 
 

[KayC]

16 hours ago, Emotional-Change-534 said:

Our cats even had the same name.

I had a cat named George and then got a husband named George!   Redubbed the cat "King George."  My husband thought HE should have got the "King" but we all know cats rule!  Now they're both gone, him 16 1/2 years, King George 15 1/2 years now.

 King George had cancer, it's horrific.  And my soulmate in a dog, Arlie, died of cancer 2 1/2 years ago, it's horrific, not a way anyone would choose to go.

                                                                                                        

16 hours ago, Emotional-Change-534 said:

this can't be real life.

This is common in early grief, it's too much to wrap our heads around, I felt that way very much with my husband, who had turned 51 five days earlier, I didn't see how I could live a week without him!  Here I am 16 1/2 years later...

                                                            

16 hours ago, Emotional-Change-534 said:

Realize that the sacrifice of grief is also what gave him the love while he was here.

Yes, and I would not change a thing even knowing how painful it is to lose them.  What we had was worth it all!  But oh what a price...

16 hours ago, Emotional-Change-534 said:

I would do anything for him, but that's also why I was able to make sure his life was so good while he was here.

 Yes, and this is how we have to remember to look at it.

 

16 hours ago, Emotional-Change-534 said:

Slowly the grief will become memories of the positive things. You can eventually heal and see his life as too short, but still a good thing for both of you with the love that formed while you were together. 

Yes, you are very wise, this is what I've learned in grief as well...