Death of my 16 yr old daughter Shannon

[Susie_q512]

My name is Susan. My daughter, Shannon, was killed instantly in an automobile accident on Tuesday, September 20, 2011. She was a perfectly healthy teenager who was full of life and love and laughter. She had just celebrated her 16th birthday in June. I hugged her goodbye, told her I loved her, and told her to be careful driving to her babysitting job....approximately 3 minutes later, about a mile from our home, she lost control of her vehicle and crossed into the path of an oncoming vehicle. (She was not texting or using her phone at the time of the accident.) She was t-boned on the passenger side of her vehicle, and she died instantly from massive head injury. There were other injuries, but they have not released the details, nor have I asked. I have another daughter, Ragan, who buried her baby sister the day before her 19th birthday...how sad. My husband of 20 years has been battling a very rare and incurable form of cancer for the past 3 years, and probably only has a few years more here with us. I do not understand why God allowed this to happen considering we were already dealing with my husband's illness. I was blind-sided by this event. I believe that I have been in shock since arriving at the accident scene. I have not yet broken down nor experienced the unbearable pain that I am sure awaits me at some point. I have been told that shock can last several weeks. I do feel an incredible sense of loss and sadness. I have very close relationships with both my daughters, but Shannon and I shared an unusually close bond. She considered me her best friend. She was my precious daughter, but also a friend to me. It hasn't been 3 weeks yet, but already I feel her absence....it seems like its been forever since I have hugged her, laughed with her, heard her sweet voice....I cannot imagine life without her, nor bear the question of how long I must wait to be reunited with her sweet spirit. People keep asking what I need or what they can do to help me, and I appreciate their kindness, but what I need and want is to have my daughter back here with me. I have been told that adjusting to the "new normal" can take years to achieve, and at this moment I can't see ever being normal again. I keep thinking, "I don't understand why this has happened." In truth, I don't understand...I will probably never understand. I have only felt anger once and it was brief. The anger I felt was for my daughter Ragan. It's not right that she should lose her baby sister and her dad before she's 22 years old. Most people never experience this magnitude of loss until they are much older. My heart hurts for my loss, but truly breaks for Ragan's loss. I don't know how to help her through this. She was at the accident scene and is probably still in shock like me. My husband was already in such a weakened state prior to the accident, and he is so devastated that I do not see him recovering....I see this speeding up the disease process in his body... and as much as I hate to admit it, I am jealous that he has cancer, because he gets to leave this life and be with Shannon....how many years must I wait to leave this world and join her in the next? I have no choice but to continue living as I cannot leave Ragan to face life alone. Nothing feels "right". It's as though life itself should have stopped at the very moment Shannon passed from this life to the next. I try to take comfort in knowing that she is in a better place, far removed from the cares and worries of this life, and I believe that her spirit visits us...that she is still around us...but I so desperately want her back. I am hoping that this site will help me through this terrible process of grief and loss, but at the moment, I feel hopeless. I am so sorry that there has to be an avenue to help others who have experienced this loss....it's not right that a parent should ever have to bury their child. Shannon had goals and dreams. She wanted the fairy-tale romance and wedding. She wanted to be a mom, and she would have been a great mom! She wanted to take care of me in my old age. Her short life impacted so many in such a positive way. There were around 700 people at her service, hundreds went to the graveside, and a few hundred more were unable to attend. She loved and was loved by many. Always smiling and laughing. Always the encourager...the one to pick you up and make you smile when you were sad. She was a great friend to everyone...never met a stranger. She was compassionate and tenderhearted. She would always sing, and she really did have an amazing voice. She loved her friends, family and animals. Just a few weeks before her death she had been allowed to adopt a puppy from the local shelter. She named her puppy Lexi. Lexi is now my puppy and a valued little treasure to have. She had a boyfriend who adored her and is devastated by losing her. She was our "ray of sunshine" and she's gone. I miss her so very much, and do not know how to live in a world without her.

[hotrod]

Dear Susan

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious daughter.Shannon. Welcome to our Indigo Family. I lost my only child, Stephen 4 years ago and understand the pain and confusion of which you speak.

I would like to suggest that you join us on the Losss of Adult Child Board in this section. Many parents post to that section and you will find many responding to your post with compassion, understanding and love. So please join us there. I have found that the only people who understand the loss and pain and the inability to function are other parent who have experienced the same loss.

I am so sorry that your husband is ill and I will hold your entire family in my prayers

This Board saved my sanity. So please keep coming back and sharing. Post pictures in the gallery and keep telling us all about your child.