I lost my wife and my father at the same time. I feel so devastated.

[MarcHannah18]

I don't know what to say or even don't know how can I tell my experiences and emotions right now to any person but I found this forum and I think this can help me to alleviate the pain in my heart because I know that this group or community share the same stories and experiences like mine. Please pardon my grammar.

On the 11th day of October 2021 at 8am in the morning, my wife was brought to the hospital because she was about to give birth to our second child. She has a flu-like symptoms and not feeling well at that time. She tested positive for COVID-19 and she was isolated on the hospital because of her case. She was able to successfully deliver our second baby, it was a healthy baby girl. My wife has no symptoms after she gave birth, she has a mild cough only but she was able to eat, sit, talk, and walk like her normal state. After 3 days, she experience difficulty in breathing. They put oxygen support to my wife to aid in her breathing problems. I told her doctor to do everything that will make my wife survived. Her doctor gave medications and monitored her health conditions everyday. But, On the evening of the 20th day of October 2021, Suddenly my wife felt numbness on her legs. And she became unconscious not able to talk and her oxygen levels dropped. I told again her doctor to do everything, any possible way to revive my wife as she is 50/50 at that time. They tried to put a mechanical ventilator but my wife didn't respond. She was being intubated. But after an hour it was the most devastated, heart-breaking moment in my life when I saw how my wife died. On that night, I called to my family when my wife was on the 50/50 situation to inform them and I cried while saying to my mother that "I have to tell you something, don't panic we must be ready for this situation because my wife is in 50/50 condition right now". I need your comfort and support that I can survive this moment". After a sudden, while I am on the phone talking to my mother I heard them screaming for help because they saw my father inside our bathroom. My father committed suicide, the rope was on his neck and he is dead. When I heard my mother said that my heart was shattered and after a few minutes my wife also died. I don't know what to do at that time. I feel hopeless, devastated, broken, the darkest times in my entire life, I don't know If I can survive that night. I felt that I cannot continue also with my life because the two persons that I love the most, my strength, my happiness, my everything has gone now.

It's been 2 months already, but the pain and the memory of that moment is still hurting inside me. My heart was being devastated and shattered to pieces every single day. I hope you can understand Me. Thank You for reading my story. God Bless You all.

[Wandering Soul]

Hello, MarcHannah18. 

I'm glad you're here on the forum.  I hope it brings you some comfort during such a tragic, terrible time.  The loss of your wife and father in such a traumatic manner almost leaves me speechless, and weary of replying to your post our of fear and not knowing what to say.  Nonetheless, not answering your post leaves you without any support and I don't want to do that either.  I apologize in advance if my words don't come out right, just know I care and I'm very sorry that you are faced with such a sad, difficult, heartbreaking situation.

Be kind to yourself and give yourself time needed to grieve as you will certainly face difficult times ahead.  There is light in darkness, the birth of your healthy baby girl is a testament to that.  At the moment, your wife needs you to stay strong as you can be for your dear daughter.  My hope is that you have a strong, caring and loving support system in place to help with the needs of a newborn as a single father.  In time, I hope that you can find the strength eventually to share some of the wonderful stories about your wife with your daughter to keep her memory and love alive.  

I'm sorry to hear of the passing of your father.  The suicide of a loved one is difficult; perhaps because there are no answers, perhaps because it was over an issue that could have been resolved differently.  You may want to consider speaking with a professional therapist for guidance and healing.

Don't give up, keep going as difficult as it may be.  One day at at time, one foot before the next.  My condolences on the loss of both your wife and father.  May you find peace, hope and comfort in the company of others on this forum during such a difficult time.