Sudden Loss of Brother

[lul00]

My brother, Scott,  committed suicide on the evening of Thanksgiving 2021. He was 13 years younger than me; I am the oldest of 4 siblings, he was the youngest. Scott had been at a friend's house, came home (where he lived alone) and shot himself. His family and friends are still in shock. He was divorced about 8 years ago, was on good terms with his ex and had a 25 year old daughter who he loved more than anything. The immediate family all knew of his long-time struggles: chronic physical pain due to an old back injury; financial problems caused by poor choices; diagnosed years before as bipolar and on a multitude of medications. Even with all these known factors, I still cannot get my head around the fact that he is gone-- permanently. No note was left. He has left my precious niece, who lives alone, angry, sad, confused. We are all feeling those same things. I know it will get better in time and the journey of grief is long and hard-- I've been through this many times having been widowed, losing another brother to cancer, caring for my parents before they passed away. No one in our family has ever taken their own life. Scott believed in God and was brought up believing if he took his own life he would not gain entrance to heaven. 

My mind is whirling. Peace comes and goes but is fleeting right now-- it is still all too fresh.

 

[reader]

Dear lul00,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this sad and difficult time.

[lul00]

Every day is a new day-- the old one that much farther behind me, one which I cannot change. One step in front of the other, baby steps. Although I do not always feel it, I know I am strong: I can do this. One step forward, two back... and then little by little there's a day you don't cry-- instead you look up at the blue sky and think of that person(s) you miss so much. And you smile thinking of their face, remembering their voice.

Thank you for your kind words to me.

 

[reader]

Dear lul00,

I agree with you, my friend. It's really hard but I know that day will come when we'll smile more and cry less. (((hugs)))

 

[Zona]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sorry for you and your family. Blessings. 

[RosePierce]

I lost my younger brother Thanksgiving night suddenly too. He died of an accidental drug overdose at his friends house. I can relate to a lot of what your feeling. Not being able to wrap your head around it- me too. I still imagine him walking through the door once again. 
 

It’s been 6 weeks now. Same as you. His loss still consumes me some days. Other days I feel numb. I’m reading “On Grief and Grieving” and read that the brain can only process so much at one time. The loss is too big to comprehend all at once.

I had just decided to look into online bereavement groups tonight for the first time. Your’s was the first post I found. It made me not feel as alone in my sadness. My brother’s loss was the first major death I have experienced. You have gone through so much loss already.
 

I’m not sure if I’m adding anything of value to your loss but you have brought value to mine by sharing yours. Thank you. 

[FatherBean]

Hello. I am sorry to all the posters for your losses. I too lost my brother recently. His was an accidental suicide like the aforementioned. And like you all, his loss has left a huge tear through the fabric of our family. At this point I feel rather numb about it all. I don't even know quite what to write except that I know I'm struggling and can't quite find my way through it all. A lot of my time is spent worrying about my mother. And then I get frustrated because I think I'm not working through my grief--just worrying about hers. I keep wanting it to not be true and keep ending up disappointed. 

My apologies for spilling my grief here. I was looking for an online grief group and found this one. Once more to you all--I am so sorry for your losses and I understand your pain. 

Warm wishes to you all. 

[Laceylove]

 

I’m so sorry to hear about your brother. I too, lost my brother to suicide, this last October. He was my older brother and I looked up to him even though he didn’t always make the best choices in life. He was really good at making bad decisions and I guess some of them were coming back to haunt him in addition to other things. He didn’t leave any suicide note and so we all are left trying to understand what happened and why he would do this. He left a 10 year  old daughter behind. I feel so many emotions with his loss especially because he didn’t really let on to us that he was struggling so much mentally. By the time we all figured it out something was going on, and were making a plan to go see what was up it was too late to act and we got the call that he was gone. Now we’re all left with guilt and unanswered questions. We expected his new wife to let us know if something wasn’t right but she didn’t and we feel like we let him down.
I’m so upset that he was in such a dark place and didn’t reach out and  that he felt no other option but at the same time I’mdisappointed that he set this example for us younger siblings and for his daughter. He was 48 and it is hard to believe that he made it so far in life and been through so much just to get discouraged and not be able to reach out for help from us or use any resources available. His texts to friends mention his failures in life but he had so much to be thankful for! He had struggled with alcohol and since his death I havent hardly even wanted to touch any alcohol because of its affect on his life. I feel like in his death it almost makes me stronger and more determined to get through any bullshit because I never want my family or friends to suffer the way we are now. The first couple months I could barely eat or sleep or even listen to music. But I’ve been talking to a counselor and doing mindful meditation at bedtime. Even though he ultimately couldn’t handle what life threw at him I feel like he would want me to be happy and press on and be strong for my son and live a full life and not dwell on his decision. Which is very hard. Sometimes looking at his pictures he looks so happy in his younger days but the more recent ones he looks so sad and I wonder how well we really knew him these last few years and how long he had been struggling. Ultimately I just miss him. I keep catching myself wanting to text him for a recipe or how to cook something and then it hits me that he’s really gone