7 & 8

[MissAwesome]

Today I managed to do some meditation and clean up.. Did one of my daughters hair got two more to do (one son) I fought back the tears as long as I could before they started pouring down. I’m not gonna lie since My soulmate transitioned I’ve found myself turning up a bottle or two .today was the 1st day without anything to numb the pain just God me and the kids . I’m striving for more days like this because in reality me drinking myself to sleep is not gonna help him come back. Getting grounded and more spiritual is my goal. Got some phone calls it helped some. My Love Birthday is 7 days away and mines is 8 praying for strength and peace . LongLiveSirAwesome

[Jen H]

I've been drinking to numb the pain as well.  You're definitely right.  It doesn't change anything and can become a big problem.  I will try to cut that out too.  I started working out more and taking long walks when it's out too cold.  Writing to him has helped me as well.  Feels good to talk to him and tell him about my day and how much I miss him.  Stay strong!  

[KayC]

Do something good for yourself every day.  And you're right, the bottle hurts not helps, it's a depressant, something we definitely don't need more of!  It wouldn't be helpful to your kids either.

1 minute ago, Jen H said:

I started working out more and taking long walks when it's out too cold.  Writing to him has helped me as well.  Feels good to talk to him and tell him about my day and how much I miss him.

All great ways to channel your energy.  I stopped caring about my health/diet after he died and it took me a while to undo the damage, I don't recommend that route either.  I finally learned what works for me and have been doing it for the last two years.  It feels good and positive to do so.  I also channel what I've learned into helping others, that helps too as it gives us purpose. 

[Jemiga70]

On 12/13/2021 at 7:50 AM, MissAwesome said:

since My soulmate transitioned I’ve found myself turning up a bottle or two .

@MissAwesome  I am so sorry for your loss.  Drinking is what I felt like doing too, and some days I did it.  But the damn stuff is a depressant and I always pay a price mentally the next day or several days down the line.  I had a small glass of Japanese sake last night, our anniversary, but then I put the bottle away.  Wishing you peace, comfort and hope.

[KayC]

6 hours ago, Jemiga70 said:

I had a small glass of Japanese sake last night, our anniversary, but then I put the bottle away.

And that is fine.  You're right about it being a depressant, not good to use it as a coping mechanism, too easy for it to get out of hand and it doesn't work, but to have something once in a while, I don't see a problem with it...we all know our tendencies best and what we can/can't handle.

[tnd]

On 12/12/2021 at 5:50 PM, MissAwesome said:

Getting grounded and more spiritual is my goal. Got some phone calls it helped some.

MissAwesome:  I am sorry for your loss and the enduring pain you are in. Sounds like you have a good plan, tho. I am very sure that being spiritual will help. You need to be good to yourself so that you can be of some good for your children. Spirituality will help you feel stronger and more positive about the future. Drinking will only make it worse because alcohol depresses you. And the more you drink, the harder it will be to stop. When I was younger and going through a rough time, I had friends that told me to "relax and have a drink". They would drink when they were happy, drink when they were mad and they would drink when they were sad. Been there, done that. It doesn't work. I got tired of it. I wasn't making any progress. My life was stagnate and I was depressed.  So I stopped, moved across town away from those friends and started making goals. Only then when I made the necessary changes did I finally feel alive and worth something. Meeting a goal, no matter how big or small, gives you a boost. I would sit and try to piece (glue) small car models together. I had never done that and usually it is boys who like to do that sort of thing but, I did it to learn patience. Every time I was able to put some pieces together felt like an accomplishment. Maybe you will think of your own little challenge while you are working on meeting goals. I hope your plan works out for you. Hope you keep us posted. BTW, I love your name "Miss Awesome"! It's bold and it's terrific! 

[MissAwesome]

Thank you so much @tnd .. yea with 4 children 7 together with my late fiancé and a grandson I have nothing but goals … so many to conquer.. our bday passed I end up doing a q quiet and intimate dinner made steak  Turkey chops pasta salad asparagus rolls and mushrooms chocolate strawberries and cake with wine I channeled his spirit laughed and cried from now on I plan on celebrating both of our bday on his bday … I miss him so much .. I know he will be waiting for me on the other side when the time comes .thanks for the input and feedback 

[Jennifer Uren]

@MissAwesome I also found myself wanting to drink the following days after my fiancé passed. It was not a good idea. I told myself it was my way of getting out of the house to socialize rather than lying in bed all day which was partially true but reflecting back 2 weeks later I realize it was my way of coping and to numb the pain. I never learned coping skills as a child or young adult so I really have to be on top of it when dealing with stress and trauma because I have a tendency to find ways to numb or just ignore the pain. There is no way of ignoring or numbing the pain of losing the man of my dreams. I found myself in a worse state. I was already in a haze of grief, wasn’t eating, wasn’t sleeping and to throw alcohol into the mix was a recipe for disaster. I realized I needed to be focused and clear headed to really walk through the pain and deal with my grief appropriately or I will stay stagnant or worse……..continue to spiral and decline. I feel like I’m constantly fighting back tears. It has way of of coming out regardless.
It sounds like you’re more clear headed than me. I like that you’re meditating and striving to stay grounded and spiritual. That’s very inspiring and definitely the right attitude.

[tnd]

35 minutes ago, MissAwesome said:

I channeled his spirit laughed and cried from now on I plan on celebrating both of our bday on his bday … I miss him so much .. I know he will be waiting for me on the other side when the time comes

MissAwesome:   Your dinner sounds wonderful. I'd say that it's a positive step in the right direction but only you know what will be right for yourself. We each grieve in our own ways. But I do think the fact that you prepared a dinner for your birthdays says you miss your love, that you loved him and want to heal. Take the happy memories with you into the future. Let them help be your guide. I am taking all my husband's smiles with me because they give me strength. And I pray every day...two, three times.   

[KayC]

It does help...

Meditation in Grief
Meditation: Helpful to Those Who Grieve
Meditations
Meditation - Tools for Healing - Grief Healing Discussion Groups

[Roseapple]

It looks like we all try or tried to numb us out with alcohol or something else. It’s also the pressure I feel to not be a burden to not be complicated to not be a problem. I promised myself to not continue that way of  coping for too long. It’s all still so fresh, I don’t feel brace enough every day to face it. My gp prescribed me some tranquilizer and i also have some edibles in case and of on other days a little more to drink. During the day I’m mostly fine but evening are hard, when I get lost in my head, when it all starts to crash down again. It feels like an escape button, where I say, no not now.