Stuck in a whirlwind of denial and depression

[Plantlady22]

It hasn’t even been a month since I lost my mom.. she was 56 and I’m 25. It was way too early for her to be taken away. 

Everytime I think about the moment I found out the overwhelming feelings take over my body and I break down in tears. It was completely unexpected and I wasn’t ready for you to be taken away from me. Screaming NO on the ground of our front yard is how I feel every time reality hits that your gone. 
 

My mom was my best friend and she was out here in Arizona with me in May. That was the last time I saw her. Anyways I’m struggling extremely hard with the loss of her. I know it’s early on but I just don’t know what to do with myself. Everyone says they’re here if I need them but I don’t even know to to reach out for. Especially because everyone’s response is the same.. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Just give it time that’s all you can do”

I find myself going through waves. One moment I’m in complete denial and anytime a thought of it comes around I feel myself completely pushing it away. Then there’s the waves of reality where it all hits and I fall into a complete panic attack and want to run so far away. 
 

I hate this. I don’t know what to do. I text her everyday hoping for a response. She was in my dream last night for the first time since she passed. I woke up and just cried because I realized that’s the only way I’ll see her now… 

 

if anyone can help me please reach out. Also if anyone is in Arizona it’d be amazing to find some friends

[SSC]

@Plantlady22 hi, on a whim I jumped over to this forum from loss of a partner.  I have been on that site off and on for 3 years but will sometimes read on loss of a parent as I lost my mother a little over a year ago.

as I read your story my heart just broke.  I am about the same age as your mother and I have 2 daughters that are a few years older than you that I am very close to.  I am so very sorry for your loss, you are so young to lose you mother.  This is so very very hard!  Do you have other family with you now?  Any other support?  
 

The first stages of grief are the most intense and you need to find ways to express your sadness and feelings.  If you have friends that will listen to you talk about your mom, spend time with them.  Buy a nice notebook and write letters to your mom.  Do not be afraid to yell and cry whenever you need to because you need to express your feelings.  The grief and sadness you feel is directly related to the love you have for your mom.  Yes, it will come in waves and it will hit you when you least expect it.

I found it really helped me to watch movies my mom liked and eat food she liked.  I talk to her because I believe she is still around and she can hear me.  I also wear a ring of hers that I can constantly feel and for some reason the tangible hardness of it is soothing.

Continue to post how you are feeling here.  It helps to get your emotions out.  Take care of yourself too that is very important!

[ADM925]

11 hours ago, Plantlady22 said:

Then there’s the waves of reality where it all hits and I fall into a complete panic attack and want to run so far away. 

This is where I am after 5 months without Mom and it is only getting worse.  My mom was my whole world and I hate being without her and don't like the world I am alone in now at all, not at all.  I know that waking up after the dreams is enormously difficult as well, very traumatic and frightening, and it happens to me all the time.  I wish I had some good advice but I'm struggling very badly also and time seems to be hurting rather than helping.  I hope others here can be more helpful in stopping the panic because although much older I am very much where you are right now.         

 

[Lost now]

On 12/12/2021 at 3:53 PM, Plantlady22 said:

It hasn’t even been a month since I lost my mom.. she was 56 and I’m 25. It was way too early for her to be taken away. 

Everytime I think about the moment I found out the overwhelming feelings take over my body and I break down in tears. It was completely unexpected and I wasn’t ready for you to be taken away from me. Screaming NO on the ground of our front yard is how I feel every time reality hits that your gone. 
 

My mom was my best friend and she was out here in Arizona with me in May. That was the last time I saw her. Anyways I’m struggling extremely hard with the loss of her. I know it’s early on but I just don’t know what to do with myself. Everyone says they’re here if I need them but I don’t even know to to reach out for. Especially because everyone’s response is the same.. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Just give it time that’s all you can do”

I find myself going through waves. One moment I’m in complete denial and anytime a thought of it comes around I feel myself completely pushing it away. Then there’s the waves of reality where it all hits and I fall into a complete panic attack and want to run so far away. 
 

I hate this. I don’t know what to do. I text her everyday hoping for a response. She was in my dream last night for the first time since she passed. I woke up and just cried because I realized that’s the only way I’ll see her now… 

 

if anyone can help me please reach out. Also if anyone is in Arizona it’d be amazing to find some friends

I can totally relate to your story. I lost my mom a few days ago. Yours is the only story that I can relate to here. I am 31 and mom was only 58. She had no health issue and was fit. She died of cardiac arrest. When I got the news I was on the floor screaming and not able to function ever since. My mumma is my everything. I don't know what to do now. I am very attached to her and I can't imagine living without her. Everyone is asking me be strong but I can't. I just can't. It's so wrong. She was only 58. I am her baby. I want her back. I'm crying as I type this. This pain is unbearable. I want to go with her. I wish I had died in the very same second.