Cremation aftermath anxiety

[Lory]

Has anyone struggled with cremation? I have been struggling with the fact I chose cremation for my grandfather (he was my dad). Initially I did not want anything to do with cremation and even as a teen I always said I wouldn’t allow anyone to cremate him. My idea was to buy a double plot so I can be buried with him when the time came. Fast forward to when he passed, I received an email from his son the following day stating his joy that he passed and I had 3 days to clean out his house as the junk truck was already scheduled to clean house on day 4.  The pressure and his constant harassment had me in a frenzy. I just wanted to do right by him and had no idea what he would want. For some reason I thought if I cremated him I could bring him back to Cuba and lay him to rest in his family plot. At the moment it seemed like the right thing to do but now I regret it and I can’t live with myself. I can’t sleep. I cry all day. I have panic attacks. I’m haunted by the cremation every second of the day. Im traumatized by seeing his ashes in a bag. How could I do such a thing. Im so broken and so alone. 

[IndigoS]

 

Hi, Lory. I lost my dad two years ago - completely unexpected. He had passed without anyone knowing for several days… I was in school at the time hours away. I only mention this because I initially did not want to cremate him, at all. But then we were told we would not be able to have an open casket because of the condition he was in. I also had my aunt, his sister, pressuring my brother and I to bury him because not doing so was against their religion, I guess? I started to feel sick at the idea of him being stuck like that in a casket forever, it haunted me like the cremation does for you. 

 

We ended up cremating him, and although I do sometimes wish he had a proper grave, the ability the have him anywhere at anything with us is comforting. We have him everywhere. In keychains, in necklaces, in a big vase. 

 

My dad had never expressed any specific wishes anytime before (nor was he religious) so although it was a struggle at first to decide 1. what to do with him and 2. how to cope afterwards, I am glad we cremated him. My brother is happy being able to carry dad with him, which is overall what was most important to me. Go easy on yourself. We do what we think is best at the time with whatever tools, resources, or knowledge we have. 

 

Also - we did bury half of his ashes with his father at my aunt’s request. That’s always an option, you could bring the ashes wherever you’d like. I like to think of it as having the option to spread my dad anywhere and everywhere. 

[Lory]

Hello Indigo,

 

I hope your well. Thank you for sharing your experience. I battle with my actions everyday and I can’t sleep. I feel terrible. Initially it was something I was always against but under so much stress my thought process was irrational. I will never forgive myself. I try to find peace in the fact my grandmother had chose cremation for herself and still I can’t come to terms. It’s just something I’ll regret my entire life.