Members Popular Post Kris C Posted August 21, 2021 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted August 21, 2021 I lost my fiancé from Covid-19 a few days ago. I keep going back to our days of just laughing so hard together and all the times that we hang out after putting the kids to sleep. It was such a waste to just lose everything this way. 2 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gail 8588 Posted August 21, 2021 Members Report Share Posted August 21, 2021 Kris C, I am so sorry for your loss. Covid has tragically taken too many lives. It is so unfair that you have lost your special one. You should have had so many years together. It is sometimes hard for friends and family to understand how grief stricken and lost we feel if they have never lost a soulmate themselves. Sadly, on this site we get it. Our lives have been shattered too. Our dreams for the future are gone. The one who made us laugh, gave us strength, protected us, knew our flaws and loved us anyway is suddenly gone and it is so hard to understand how or why this happened. Come here to vent, rant, cry or just read the posts of others. It is some comfort to find you are not alone in what you are feeling. We are all so very sad you have reason to join us here, but welcome. Gail 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Popular Post KayC Posted August 21, 2021 Moderators Popular Post Report Share Posted August 21, 2021 Kris, I am so sorry for your loss, I know it's tremendous, to put it lightly. Such a horrid insidious disease that has changed so many lives! So unfair especially that someone so young die. My heart goes out to you. My husband died a sudden unexpected death, robbing us of our best years together...now I'm growing old alone 16 years later. I didn't know how I could survive a week without him! I remember wondering how the sun could go on shining, didn't they know that the greatest man who ever lived, had just died! It's something that is so hard to wrap our heads around, how anyone so full of zest a life can just be dead! I'm glad you found your way here though and hope it helps you, knowing you're in a community of people that "get it" and understand. We want to be here for you in any way we can. I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road. TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this. I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey. Take one day at a time. The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew. It can be challenging enough just to tackle today. I tell myself, I only have to get through today. Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again. To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety. Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves. The intensity lessens eventually. Visit your doctor. Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks. They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief. Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief. If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline. I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived. Back to taking a day at a time. Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808 Give yourself permission to smile. It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still. Try not to isolate too much. There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself. We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it! Some people set aside time every day to grieve. I didn't have to, it searched and found me! Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever. That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care. You'll need it more than ever. Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is. We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc. They have not only the knowledge, but the resources. In time, consider a grief support group. If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". Be patient, give yourself time. There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc. They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it. It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters. Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time. That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse. Finally, they were up to stay. Consider a pet. Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely. It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him. Besides, they're known to relieve stress. Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage. Make yourself get out now and then. You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now. That's normal. Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then. Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first. You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it. If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot. Keep coming here. We've been through it and we're all going through this together. Look for joy in every day. It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T. It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully. You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it. It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it. Eventually consider volunteering. It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win. (((hugs))) Praying for you today. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Diane R. E. Posted August 21, 2021 Members Report Share Posted August 21, 2021 Hi Kris C; I too am so very sorry for your loss. Gail and Kay gave you some excellent suggestions, but I just wanted you to know how very sorry I am. My husband loved telling jokes and he told them so seriously it made them even more funny. I miss that and miss all the things we were going to do now that I am retired. (He was already retired.) My husband didn't die from Covid but I feel his death could have been prevented. My heart goes out to you. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LMR Posted August 21, 2021 Members Report Share Posted August 21, 2021 Kris. I too am so sorry for your loss. My husband and I laughed a lot, every day, well, up until the last few. He didn't die of covid but it was the reason we were separated. It was hard to laugh then. We used to laugh in the car on the way to work when everyone else seemed to be looking miserable or cross. I really miss him. I hope you find some solace here. Hugs 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tnd Posted August 21, 2021 Members Report Share Posted August 21, 2021 Kris C: I am very sorry for your loss. It is the worst pain to lose our partners in life. All of us on here understand that pain. And we also understand that everyone on here needs some support. We will be here for you. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Roxeanne Posted August 21, 2021 Members Report Share Posted August 21, 2021 Kris i'm so sorry for your loss...i miss laughing with my loved one too! I know how hard it is... Hope you have family and friends who support you and help you and your kids. Our community understand and knows how devastated is your life now...everyone here lost their special person who made us laugh ! Take care of you and your kids Hugs 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 22, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted August 22, 2021 I hope you'll come back and read/post as you feel up to it... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Zee24 Posted September 2, 2021 Members Report Share Posted September 2, 2021 So sorry for your loss Kris. Loss steals a lot including laughter. A feeling of being light and not having a bad feeling at the pit of your stomach. It’s like a constant buzz you are surrounded by or grief on simmer, sometimes it boils over, sometimes it is tolerable. Using haha or exclamation marks or emojis, they just seem so frivolous. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shellmos91 Posted September 2, 2021 Members Report Share Posted September 2, 2021 Hi Kris, I lost my partner too just over a month ago from Covid as well. 29 young fit and we had our whole lives ahead of us. If you ever want to chat always here. sending you all the love and strength and I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Shelley x 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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