A Goodbye Never Said - I miss my Dad

[IggyMommy13]

Like many of us, we have all faced a very tough year with COVID amongst other factors in our life. December 14th changed my life forever when I lost my Father unexpectedly. Everyone says it will get better with time, or that time heals all. I am realizing, the only thing with time is that it is just one more day he is gone. It is just one more day to try to cope with the loss and to face the world. Yeah time does heal, but not in the way one would think. You just learn to live with the pain and to muddle through this world.Being a Daddy's girl in this world, and not having the comfort of Dad being there is something I struggle with daily. The thing is, no one in the outside world knows how you feel, they are oblivious and it hurts.Not a fault of their own because they don't know your life story, but when you are driving and someone cuts you off, or if someone takes a parking space it could just be that one little thing to set you over the edge that day. Because somedays no matter what, life hurts. You feel like your protector is gone and so vulnerable to everything. 

If I could of said goodbye, or just be by his side, I feel like I would of had so much more closure. The fact of the matter was he got sick (not covid but his blood went septic amongst other things) he thought he did have covid, so I was not able to see him before he went to the hospital for precautions. By the time he decided to go to the hospital, they had put him on a ventilator and by that time it was too late.They already put him in a medically induced coma. I waited a whole week, hearing updates from the doctors with the prognosis. Since COVID, no visitors were allowed in the hospital, so he was alone each day and night in there. Each day was gut wrenching and I felt like I was living a nightmare. His kidneys were failing and they were doing dialysis and they also put a pacemaker in because he was also having heart problems. I got the phone call early Monday morning that he was passing away. I will never forget that phone call or the panic and terror I felt. I still can't wear the outfit I wore to the hospital to say goodbye. I have it hidden in my closet because it just brings back terrible flashbacks whenever I see it. He was only 61 years old and one of my best friends, next to my Mother. He had so much compassion for life and nature. He was an avid hunter and I remember one of the last conversations we had in their kitchen looking out the window in the woods. There were a mother doe and her babies. He told me, he doesn't shoot doe's because of how they take care of their babies and are a true unit. It really touched me because my Dad just had a really big heart. 

I just want to say thank you Dad, for everything. I pray and talk to you everyday hoping that you hear me and are looking down on me. Being engaged and getting married soon, hurts to know you will not be able to walk me down the aisle. Also just recently buying a house too, it hurts to know you can't see it and all the remodeling we are doing to it. There are so many times I cry out to you because I have so many questions owning a house, but I have no one to ask. It is truly something I don't even want to wrap my mind around yet because I still can't accept the fact you are gone. All I want to do in this life is make you happy and proud of me. You left me in this world way too early Dad.....I love you.

 

XOXO PEANIE

[reader]

Dear IggyMommy13,

Everything you have written resonates with me and many others. You're dad sounds like an amazing man. Life is so unfair and I wish it wasn't so.

We are thinking of you.

[Tinamissesdad37]

I feel the exact same. I lost my father a few days ago to covid. He was 57 and alone in that hospital for two weeks. What I would do to have been there by his side. Just know your father knows that you would have been there if you could and at the end of the day he is happy you are healthy. He is in a better place and will one day see you again. Don’t you worry. 

[Meezer]

I am new here, but I just wanted to say I was very touched by the story of your dad appreciating the does.  He does sound like a wonderful man.  I work in a hospital, and the no visitors thing is heartbreaking.  I was also moved by your paragraph at the end, talking directly to your dad.  I believe he heard you. 

[JOLI]

Hi, I can’t believe this is the first post I came across. I lost my father very recently too, he went into hospital with an infection (sepsis). But it slowly affected everything. After 2 operations his heart and kidneys suffered too much. I wasn’t allowed to see him but I managed to sneak in to see him one morning. He looked scared but was so happy to see me. I am so so sad I wasn’t able to stay with him and help him whilst he struggled in the night. He had a heart attack the following night. I am totally heartbroken. I am only 36 years old and I have no idea how to do the rest of my life without him. My children are so young they won’t remember him and they adored each other so much. I am totally lost without him. 
I am so sorry you are going through this too. It’s the worst pain. I get flashbacks just worrying if he was scared and I’m so upset our family were not with him. It’s just awful. 

[Mkpeteus]

On 8/15/2021 at 2:27 PM, IggyMommy13 said:

Like many of us, we have all faced a very tough year with COVID amongst other factors in our life. December 14th changed my life forever when I lost my Father unexpectedly. Everyone says it will get better with time, or that time heals all. I am realizing, the only thing with time is that it is just one more day he is gone. It is just one more day to try to cope with the loss and to face the world. Yeah time does heal, but not in the way one would think. You just learn to live with the pain and to muddle through this world.Being a Daddy's girl in this world, and not having the comfort of Dad being there is something I struggle with daily. The thing is, no one in the outside world knows how you feel, they are oblivious and it hurts.Not a fault of their own because they don't know your life story, but when you are driving and someone cuts you off, or if someone takes a parking space it could just be that one little thing to set you over the edge that day. Because somedays no matter what, life hurts. You feel like your protector is gone and so vulnerable to everything. 

If I could of said goodbye, or just be by his side, I feel like I would of had so much more closure. The fact of the matter was he got sick (not covid but his blood went septic amongst other things) he thought he did have covid, so I was not able to see him before he went to the hospital for precautions. By the time he decided to go to the hospital, they had put him on a ventilator and by that time it was too late.They already put him in a medically induced coma. I waited a whole week, hearing updates from the doctors with the prognosis. Since COVID, no visitors were allowed in the hospital, so he was alone each day and night in there. Each day was gut wrenching and I felt like I was living a nightmare. His kidneys were failing and they were doing dialysis and they also put a pacemaker in because he was also having heart problems. I got the phone call early Monday morning that he was passing away. I will never forget that phone call or the panic and terror I felt. I still can't wear the outfit I wore to the hospital to say goodbye. I have it hidden in my closet because it just brings back terrible flashbacks whenever I see it. He was only 61 years old and one of my best friends, next to my Mother. He had so much compassion for life and nature. He was an avid hunter and I remember one of the last conversations we had in their kitchen looking out the window in the woods. There were a mother doe and her babies. He told me, he doesn't shoot doe's because of how they take care of their babies and are a true unit. It really touched me because my Dad just had a really big heart. 

I just want to say thank you Dad, for everything. I pray and talk to you everyday hoping that you hear me and are looking down on me. Being engaged and getting married soon, hurts to know you will not be able to walk me down the aisle. Also just recently buying a house too, it hurts to know you can't see it and all the remodeling we are doing to it. There are so many times I cry out to you because I have so many questions owning a house, but I have no one to ask. It is truly something I don't even want to wrap my mind around yet because I still can't accept the fact you are gone. All I want to do in this life is make you happy and proud of me. You left me in this world way too early Dad.....I love you.

 

XOXO PEANIE

So painfully true. I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss, and every single thing that comes with it. Your dad will forever love you and carry you in his heart, just like you will with him. Having a great relationship with your dad makes losing him unbearable, but you can find comfort in the fact that you both know how much you love each other. Thank you for sharing your story and helping others not feel so alone.