Almost my dads birthday and the triggers are real

[Healing2021]

My dads birthday is this week and I just started a new job. I came home today wishing I could tell him about it because he would’ve been so interested. I also met a coworker who coincidentally remembered him because she use to live at an old apt complex we were in. So weird how those things happen. 
 

im trying to understand I’m triggered this week so to be gentle with myself. The guilt has come back. My dad woke me up he wasn’t feeling well and it lasted hours before his heart attack. I called his doctor who told us to get a covid test but nothing more. I tried to just listen to the doctor. I didn’t want him to catch covid so I didn’t want to go to the hospital if it wasn’t necessary. I thought I’d just watch him and if he had issues breathing I’d call 911 but turns out I didn’t even catch that. 
 

it’s so hard because I fix everything. I took care of everyone in my family and it feels like I let my dad die. I’m so sad this week and trying to be gentle. He even told me his back was in horrible pain and I thought it was from throwing up leaning over because he was older. 
 

if I had even thought it could be a heart attack I would’ve taken him. He was talking and walking. I didn’t know. Trying to keep telling myself that. How can I tell myself I killed my dad when I really didn’t know. This week is just hard. I miss him. 

[Julen]

I struggled with the same feeling.  Sometimes it’s hard to see the real situation.  Because the symptoms cover the true situation.  I’ve also had problems with guilt about the death of my mom, but I’ve finally started to accept that It was an impossible situation and I have to accept that I didn't did anything wrong; it was unexpected. It's hard but we have to let us see that too. I miss her everyday. Be well.

[reader]

I hear you, my friends. I know I struggle with this too. It's hard to look back and think about the what-ifs. So many dear friends and colleagues and family members have told me to stop thinking this way. Someone said to me even doctors and nurses makes mistakes. None of us are perfect. Be kind and gentle to yourself and please know we are here with you.