Fear/ finding life so daunting..?

[Missmybeautifulmum]

Today I saw a post a friend put up about a space that had come up on their housing cooperative & I was like..ooh that sounds cool..(not something I'd probably do but just as an idea) then thought I'd mention it to my mum,  then realise I can't a split second later,  then I get this cold stab of fear...

It's like,  I'd always chat to my mum about everything & that made life feel a lot less serious and scary somehow as I had her there to chat about things with/ run things past/ get her opinion. Now I don't have that I'm finding it so difficult not to be scared of everything & things don't have the same appeal at all anymore (I mean they don't anyways because I'm grieving.. but even beyond that) Life was fun and interesting & full of possibilities but her presence & having her backing me made it like that for me. I'm so scared to move forward without her & her illness and her passing away have made life feel so much more daunting and serious now. It's like I was in a bit of a fairytale before (though I have been through other,  very difficult times,  I always had my mum there to cushion the blow) & now I'm having to face up to the harsh reality of life which I don't want to do. 

I so desperately wish I could talk to her,  this feeling of separation is agonising at times! 

I don't know if I'm explaining this well but do others have this feeling? I wonder.. was I too reliant on my mum? Do I need to become stronger & more self reliant (I guess I really do..*huge sigh*) She was the shining centre of everything in my world.

[reader]

You're feelings are understandable. I too feel the same way. So many times I would love to ask my dad for his opinion. It hurts to know I can't do that anymore.

Please know you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. 

And if you need to talk about anything we are here with you. 

[Missmybeautifulmum]

17 hours ago, Valerie Lockhart said:

Dear Missmybeautifulmum,

I'm sorry for your loss. It's been nearly four years since I loss my mom, but I still often awaken from a dream calling out for her.  FEW things in life will ever affect you more deeply than the death of a parent. Not only do you have to endure the intense pain of loss but you are also left to face a future that will likely be quite different from what you had expected. Likely, you will feel much better after you “pour out your heart” to Jehovah  God in prayer. (Psalm 62:8) This is not simply a ‘feel-good therapy.’ In prayer, you are appealing to “the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation.”—2 Corinthians 1:3, 4. One way that God provides comfort is through his holy spirit. It can infuse you with “power beyond what is normal,” so that you can endure the pain of grief. (2 Corinthians 4:7) God also provides “comfort from the Scriptures.” (Romans 15:4) So ask God for his spirit, and take time to read the encouragement found in his Word, the Bible. (2 Thessalonians 2:16, 17) 

 

Thank you for your message. Yeah losing a parent is so huge it changes your whole life. I'm so sorry you've lost your mum too,. I'm not religious but I do find spirituality helps me to some degree,  I believe my mum lives on in spirit,  that consciousness is separate from the physical body (though I wish I knew for certain!) But it doesn't stop me missing her physical presence so painfully x 

16 hours ago, reader said:

You're feelings are understandable. I too feel the same way. So many times I would love to ask my dad for his opinion. It hurts to know I can't do that anymore.

Please know you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. 

And if you need to talk about anything we are here with you. 

Thank you Reader. Yeah it's hard to feel like you have to suddenly "go it alone", very jarring. I hope gradually,  I start to feel some strength & confidence return...

[Aru]

On 7/26/2021 at 6:26 PM, Missmybeautifulmum said:

Today I saw a post a friend put up about a space that had come up on their housing cooperative & I was like..ooh that sounds cool..(not something I'd probably do but just as an idea) then thought I'd mention it to my mum,  then realise I can't a split second later,  then I get this cold stab of fear...

It's like,  I'd always chat to my mum about everything & that made life feel a lot less serious and scary somehow as I had her there to chat about things with/ run things past/ get her opinion. Now I don't have that I'm finding it so difficult not to be scared of everything & things don't have the same appeal at all anymore (I mean they don't anyways because I'm grieving.. but even beyond that) Life was fun and interesting & full of possibilities but her presence & having her backing me made it like that for me. I'm so scared to move forward without her & her illness and her passing away have made life feel so much more daunting and serious now. It's like I was in a bit of a fairytale before (though I have been through other,  very difficult times,  I always had my mum there to cushion the blow) & now I'm having to face up to the harsh reality of life which I don't want to do. 

I so desperately wish I could talk to her,  this feeling of separation is agonising at times! 

I don't know if I'm explaining this well but do others have this feeling? I wonder.. was I too reliant on my mum? Do I need to become stronger & more self reliant (I guess I really do..*huge sigh*) She was the shining centre of everything in my world.

Dear, 

Missmybeautifulmum 

I can related to your feelings. Ever since I lost my father I feel lost and don't know what to do. I m in 30s and still used to ask everything from my dad and all of sudden I don't know how to deal the situation. I am scared of every thing now. Every day is full of uncertainty and fear. I fear that I made wrong decision and lost my dad and will lose more if I tried to do anything. I am a huge failure in life now. Gone is the girl who was bold and confident. Now what is left is weak, scared and lost girl who is scared of even steeping out of the house now.

 

 

 

 

[oceanpoet]

Missmybeautifulmum, I relate to what you said about life feeling like a fairytale before your loss. Maybe it's because our moms take care of us beginning even before we were born... I used to say my mom was born to be a mom. That was really her ultimate goal in life, which makes her daughters her most special success. All she wanted was to care for her family and she did it so well, in ways both material and immaterial. Life was not always perfect, to be sure, but my mom always knew how to make it better.

I am sending healing thoughts. Thank you for sharing.

[Zee24]

I think feelings of being unanchored and alone in the wilderness are very real. It’s like being alone in a crowd and not being able to spot a single familiar face. I have also found that loss of confidence( and hair) is very common, the latter due to stress. Hair goes gray. Reading the news stresses me out so I try to avoid it. And the pain is almost physical in it’s intensity. Lots of relationships change and inevitably end. It can also cause a personality shift making you bitter, uncharitable, unfriendly. I just don’t have the energy to play nice anymore. I have limited stock of energy and I try to conserve the rest. It also makes you more solitary because there’s just so much going on with you inside your mind that you would rather not share all of that with anyone. It would be great to have a social structure in place for such times. 

[Katkid]

Missmybeautifulmum, Aru, I relate to you so much I started crying (AGAIN)

My mom passed away in February (I am having intense anxiety just typing that) and I used to ask her advice all of the time. She was a best friend to me and I miss her SO much. I have so many decisions to make in my life to try to improve it and I am just frozen without her encouragement, listening ear, and advice. Sending a big hug to you and to anyone else experiencing this. 

[Elizabeth711]

I really understand what you are going through as I have the same problem. I always talked things over with my Mom and would get her advice. I miss that so much now. I tend to second guess myself and worry over choices. Losing her makes life seem extra hard. I miss her every day.

[Beatrixszabo]

I can relate. My mom was my biggest chat partner. We could talk about everything.  And we were in touch all day long. I sent messages and pictures about every single stupid things what happened to me. And now everything is empty and quiet. And I'm still waiting for her messages but they won't be coming. Life is very hard now, and it's also where hard to pretend a fake face. And I "love" the "how are you" questions.

[444Serena]

Hi beatrixszabo i’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I just lost my mom two days ago and it breaks my heart waking up and not seeing “Goodmorning babe” or ever hugging my best friend again. I am 19 years old and my mom was my world. I have two younger siblings as well 15 and 11. Thankfully we are not alone and neither are you and so are many more other people not alone❤️ Thank you for sharing your story, it hurt to read because I felt every single word of it, but I’m incredibly thankful that we can share this experience.