Lost my dad a month ago.

[sdnylz]

I'm new here. I've lost my dad a month ago, and I just feel so guilty. He was in another country and I saw him twice this year when I travelled there but it just breaks my heart I live in another country and that if I would've been there things would've been different. I wasn't there to take him to doctors or give him emotional support. I feel I couldve gotten the right answers and take him to the right doctor.

My father used to drink a lot when he was young and 25 yrs ago, the doctor told him he needed a biopsy of the liver and he didnt want to do it. The doctor said he could potentially have a major problem (like cirrosis of the liver) if he didnt take care of himself and stop drinking. My dad didnt listen and for the next 23 yrs he kept drinking and abusing his body. Included in those 23 yrs there was a period of 7 year of his life that he went thru some problems that I know took a toll on his health.

He has been battling liver problems, gallbladder and low platelets, went to doctors but I felt he wasnt getting the right care, so I sent him some money and told him to go to a specialist last january. he did, they ran test and prescribed some medicines and he told me he was feeling better. But in August, his body could't take it anymore and in 08/19 he started feeling bad, they took him to the public hospital but he needed to go to a clinic and he didnt have the money. They call me 2 days later, with him at the clinic they didnt want to admit him since there was no money and they needed a deposit. I sent the funds right away but it was too late. He went into intensive care and died a couple hrs later. We dont know what he died from. We didnt do autopsy I was still here in the USA and after he died they prepared his body so quick, that how they do it there. In January the doctor said according to MRI the gallbladder had developed a border with the liver (meaning they were touching each other) and they gave him medicine to alleviate that. (which was expensive and I bought for him).

When he was at the clinic, I couldnt say good bye cuz everytime I tried to talk to him on the phone he was in pain coudnt talk.

He was in a third world country, and the heathcare is decent if you have money, if not is the worst. I feel horrible, like I didnt do the impossible, that I wasnt there. me his favorite daughter I feel I couldve done more. The last couple of month we did talked, but didnt talk much I was going thru some personal/work/money issues and was very stressed. I distanced myself from everybody including him. In one of the occasions we spoked I explained him this problems and he seemed to understand. But I wasnt smart enough to wake up and smell the coffee, all this time that my dad was so sick. I felt, when I sent him to specialist and I asked him about what was going on, my dad was a little vague on the answer. Like he was hidding something. His fiancee told me that 2 yrs ago they had told him he had 2 years to live, that she happen to go in the docs room and they changed the subject when she came in. I dont know if to believe that or not, she makes things up sometimes. also, I found a lot of his blood tests in the house, and in January he had an MRI done. I couldnt find the scan. I wonder why it wasnt there with the rest of the things.

My mom says, we all have a day we are born and that same day, one thing is certain we are going to die. some first than others. Thank God I still have my Mom who has been great support and my sister that I love very much.

[Angela1001]

I am new here too. I lost my dad almost 10 months ago. He had cirrhosis and liver cancer, and a lot of other things. He never drank, go figure. I spent everyday with my dad. was with him when he died. And it hurts soo much. Dont let guilt have any control. No matter what the circumstances, it hurts. My 2 younger brothers werent there very much and guilt almost takes over them being able to mourn or grieve. Just remember the time u did have. I'm sorry for your loss and God Bless.

[sdnylz]

I am new here too. I lost my dad almost 10 months ago. He had cirrhosis and liver cancer, and a lot of other things. He never drank, go figure. I spent everyday with my dad. was with him when he died. And it hurts soo much. Dont let guilt have any control. No matter what the circumstances, it hurts. My 2 younger brothers werent there very much and guilt almost takes over them being able to mourn or grieve. Just remember the time u did have. I'm sorry for your loss and God Bless.

Thank you so much for your answer. Everyday I dream of my dad, and sometimes I feel I want to be reunited with him. Like I want to live but at the same time I want to be with him. Guilt is taking over my life. i did more things for my dad and he knew loved him. I have recent pics with him at the beach, holding hands while walking etc. But something strange happened to me the last two of months I froze due to stress, I was like numb, not myself. Days turned to weeks, a full month and I didn't call him.

My mom brainwashed me a little bit too, she was jealous every time I helped my dad and sometimes was against it. But anyway I helped him with somethings that made his life better.

I will just never hear his voice, or never feel his hand touching my face or hold his hands.