15 years later…

[Juicyjuicy12]

Lost my Dad because of suicide when I was 17. At the time it was devastating, but I admittedly and honestly was able to accept it and realize the pain he was going through and that it was truly his choice.  Over the years, however, I seem to be increasingly thinking about him a lot more often.  It’s painful to realize how much interests we shared and realizing that your parents really can be your best friend in adulthood.  Realized I kind of  forced myself to think that parent relationships only mattered until 18…which was highly likely just a way for me to cope.

I find myself being constantly envious of other friend’s father/son/daughter relationships and cannot stop thinking of the current 15 years of possible memories I missed.  He wasn’t the stereotypical perfect dad, but he was MY Dad. 
 

Anyways…just a little sad today after watching some baseball (his absolute favorite sport…and mine, too).

[reader]

Dear Juicyjuicy12,

I think your feelings are completely normal and natural to have and very common. I too struggle with being envious of others who have their parents till 100. We all want more time with our parents and in many ways it will never be enough.

It's important to acknowledge you have these thoughts and feelings and it's okay. We all do.

Please know we are here with you.