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Loosing my Vanessa ("mi palomita") my beautiful angel


vslatina1010

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Damn! this is hard... I just lost my daughter "mi palomita" Vanessa suddenly Sunday, Sept 4, 2011. She was 19 yrs old and shy a month of her 20th birthday and a sophmore in college. She was a beautiful heart, n soul with a huge smile that was never ending. Never did I ever think i would loose a child. The pain so intense and a deep hole in my heart... she was a beautiful spirit and loved everyone, she never judged. Being an introvert myself, I never knew to what extent people loved her and how she touched so many lives...black, white, latino asian, animals... she had no boundries. Teachers loved her, students, administrators, employers, everyone... the memorial service was packed with standing room only. I raised her by myself and have another 24 year old daughter. We were 3 peas in a pod and inseparable! I was so proud of her she was learning to be an adult and doing everything on her own... this is so hard, tears never ending... how can I go on... ??I know she would want me to... the celebration of her life has ended and i'm all alone to deal with this... I'm angry @ her boyfriend for not calling 911 she was dying and he did nothing!!!! I am so angry I wanna choke him... why her??? She deserved so much and lived life to the fullest and was such a kind and generous soul... everyone keeps telling me it was "her" turn to go!!! But right now I am so angry!!! I know I have to get this anger out of me but its so hard!! I thought by writing this it would help me deal with my anger... Im trying to cope the best that I can... but damn this is tough.... I miss my angel so much!!!! Please God help me cope...

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Hello,

I am so sorry you have begun this horrible journey, but you have come to the right place.

Most of us post on the Loss of an Adult child thread. Please post whenever you like, and whatever you want to say just say it. We all are here on this awful journey.

I lost my youngest daughter on July 15, 2011, so I am new to this journey as well. I do understand your anger and your pain. Some days it is unbelieveably hard and some days it is still very painfull by softer somehow. There is a gaping hole in my heart that I know will become a scar someday. Take all the time you need, feel all you need to feel, and please come and post with us anytime. I have met some wonderful souls here and knowing we are all joined in this tragic journey helps me daily.

Loving my Athene,

Christina

Damn! this is hard... I just lost my daughter "mi palomita" Vanessa suddenly Sunday, Sept 4, 2011. She was 19 yrs old and shy a month of her 20th birthday and a sophmore in college. She was a beautiful heart, n soul with a huge smile that was never ending. Never did I ever think i would loose a child. The pain so intense and a deep hole in my heart... she was a beautiful spirit and loved everyone, she never judged. Being an introvert myself, I never knew to what extent people loved her and how she touched so many lives...black, white, latino asian, animals... she had no boundries. Teachers loved her, students, administrators, employers, everyone... the memorial service was packed with standing room only. I raised her by myself and have another 24 year old daughter. We were 3 peas in a pod and inseparable! I was so proud of her she was learning to be an adult and doing everything on her own... this is so hard, tears never ending... how can I go on... ??I know she would want me to... the celebration of her life has ended and i'm all alone to deal with this... I'm angry @ her boyfriend for not calling 911 she was dying and he did nothing!!!! I am so angry I wanna choke him... why her??? She deserved so much and lived life to the fullest and was such a kind and generous soul... everyone keeps telling me it was "her" turn to go!!! But right now I am so angry!!! I know I have to get this anger out of me but its so hard!! I thought by writing this it would help me deal with my anger... Im trying to cope the best that I can... but damn this is tough.... I miss my angel so much!!!! Please God help me cope...

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Vanessa's Mom

Yes, this is the hardest thing we will ever go through. My 16 year old son, Brian was killed in a completely preventable car crash on 6-19-2008. I am 3 years into this and I want to tell you that you will not feel this sheering pain forever. With work, you will learn to live in a word where the spirit of your daughter is everywhere, but her physical touch is not.

We post on Loss of an Adult Child. Many of us are here to help you on this journey.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

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Damn! this is hard... I just lost my daughter "mi palomita" Vanessa suddenly Sunday, Sept 4, 2011. She was 19 yrs old and shy a month of her 20th birthday and a sophmore in college. She was a beautiful heart, n soul with a huge smile that was never ending. Never did I ever think i would loose a child. The pain so intense and a deep hole in my heart... she was a beautiful spirit and loved everyone, she never judged. Being an introvert myself, I never knew to what extent people loved her and how she touched so many lives...black, white, latino asian, animals... she had no boundries. Teachers loved her, students, administrators, employers, everyone... the memorial service was packed with standing room only. I raised her by myself and have another 24 year old daughter. We were 3 peas in a pod and inseparable! I was so proud of her she was learning to be an adult and doing everything on her own... this is so hard, tears never ending... how can I go on... ??I know she would want me to... the celebration of her life has ended and i'm all alone to deal with this... I'm angry @ her boyfriend for not calling 911 she was dying and he did nothing!!!! I am so angry I wanna choke him... why her??? She deserved so much and lived life to the fullest and was such a kind and generous soul... everyone keeps telling me it was "her" turn to go!!! But right now I am so angry!!! I know I have to get this anger out of me but its so hard!! I thought by writing this it would help me deal with my anger... Im trying to cope the best that I can... but damn this is tough.... I miss my angel so much!!!! Please God help me cope...

VSlatina,

I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter Vanessa. Your anger is certainly understandable and actually completely normal. Writing and talking about your feelings will help you, but it is going to take some time. For now, just try to live each day a little at a time and remember to eat and get enough fluids.

How is your older daughter doing? Are you two talking about Vanessa and how you feel? As you feel able, please share with us the story of Vanessa. We will be here.

ModKonnie

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