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Found My Mom


Grivler

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3 weeks ago I couldn't get in touch with my mom. She had been unwell, but was doing better. Living at home alone at the time. That weekend she spent with her identical twin sister and was happy and bubbly and had a good time. I ALWAYS called my mom.. not once, but many times per day and she called me even more times per day. On the Monday I called her as usual on my way to work, and she told me she had such a lovely weekend and told me about going shopping for groceries for a BBQ she wanted me to have on Tuesday. The family had made some changes to her home and she was sooo very pleased with her room and described her space as so peaceful and cozy. My dad passed away 10 years ago (her 71st birthday) and I still hurt and think about him everyday.

My mom asked me to call her when I got home from work that night as I usually did, and I went into the office. At lunch I called her house, but got not answer. I figured she may be out with the neighbours sitting outside or couldn't hear the phone. After work on my way home, I called again and again no answer. I called my brother to see if he'd taken her somewhere or had even spoken to her. He didn't answer his phone. i went home and call her neighbour Betty. Betty had knocked on the door and because she didn't get an aswer thought my mom had stayed another day at my Aunt's. I told Betty I was on my way over and she said she'd meet me at the house. when I got to the house the front door was locked which was unusual so I went through the back gate and into the house through the sliding door calling mom. Fearful she had fallen I looked around and then went to her room. She was in bed and at first I thought she was just unwell, and told Betty to call 911. My mom was gone. I sat down on her bed and held her in my arms crying and hoping there was something that could be done. I pulled her covers off to see if she was clean etc. paramedics arrived quickly and they did do CPR and tried their best, but my best friend, my lovely mother was dead. Why didn't I go at lunch to see her. She looked peaceful, but it haunts me to think she was alone. there were no signs of her attempting to use a phone or anything. But I keep going over and over what happened to her that day, and I miss her to the point that I'd rather be with her than here alone. I am not married, and have no kids.... I had devoted myself to making sure I was available to mom and put things in my life on hold.

It's only been 3 weeks, but I still pick up the phone to dial her number when I have something I want to tell her. Now we have the house to deal with. I have thought about moving into it, but some family members do not think it is in my best interest because I found mom there. I am not ready to give her things away or pack it up or get rid of the family home that was and has been ours since 1957. She was the most loving human being that anyone could ever meet. Not a mean bone in her body. she had a meager monthly income of $1200, but never complained. Still bought for everyone but herself. I feel alone, very alone and do not know where to go from here. I am afraid to sell the family home ... dont' want to regret it when I could have perhaps carried it on. \

Can someone help me and maybe assure me through their own experience that she wasn't afraid, in pain and alone when this happened. I love her and miss her so terribly. My mom and I had a special relationship. Not perfect by any stretch, well beyond perfect. But special.

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Dear Grivler

My heart goes out to you on the loss of your mother, your situation reminded me very much of my own, the questions you asked were all the same questions I searched to be answered, possibly they are questions we all want answered at these times, I'm not sure as I can only speak from my experience.

Firstly, always remember that last conversation you had with your mum, remember how happy she was, she'd had such a great weekend with her sister and loved how her room looked. I am saying this as obviously she was in an incredibly happy and contented time prior to her passing and even though I can't assure you of what happened exactly at this time, she was happy just prior to it and as you said, she looked peaceful in bed. I searched for all the same answers when my father died, he had no family with him at the time of his death but he was surrounded by hundreds of people as he died at a big public event, so I was able to ask questions of the people that tried to resuscitate him. At first I got many mixed versions of what happened and how sudden his death was or what exactly he was doing when he passed but one person assured me it was so sudden that he would not have felt a thing and when I picture him lying on the ground ( I arrived within minutes of him passing as I was meeting him), I choose to believe he didn't feel a thing as he, like your mother, looked so peaceful. Try to think of it as your mother just went to lie down for a rest and drifted off peacefully.

Take things slowly, don't rush or be rushed into any decisions, things at the moment are probably all swimming around in your head, give yourself time to come to terms with what has happened. I like you am not married and nor do I have any children, my parents were always my main concern and I can understand how lost you must be feeling at the moment.I've been incredibly sick since my father's death, not necessarily because of his death but of course the stress isn't helping. The thing that I am appalled at is how Dr's and Specialists question me on why I have never married or had children and why I felt so close to my parents, it infuriates me so much! I have done with my life exactly what I've wanted to do, I've loved the people that I've wanted to love and I am 100% happy with my decisions along the way. I never knew that taking care of my parents could be construed as there being something wrong with me.

Remember your mother as that loving and generous person, she's now with your dad but I'm sure she will always be with you, watching over you and sending you her love. You sound like a wonderful, loving daughter who was lucky to have such an incredible mother in their life.

Take care and I hope in some small way this might help.

Dmc44

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I lost my dad june 15th 2010. I,too, found him and as a nurse I started CPR. (I had just talked to him one hour bfor of phone). We never did a pulse. We had autopsy done and medical examiner said if he'd been in an ER he couldn't have been saved.

My dad owed a single wide trailer with acre of land. No ones lived there since june(his place is only 12 min from me). My 23yr son,his wife and their 18mo are trying to get a loan to buy it from the estate. I was gonna give my son my part but there r debts to be paid so the place has to b sold.

I have really mixed feelings walking into his home. I can still see him on the floor. But the images do get better as time goes on. I DO know that my dad wanted my son to have the place. Now we pray the bank agrees.

My 16yr old daughter was with me when I founf my dad. I walked in first, saw him, and screamed for her to call EMS and get neighbour who is a nurse. My daughter still has flashbacks as I do! We've been to counseling and know time will heal.

But I still miss my DADDY!! I am almost 48 yrs old, but I always called him DADDY!

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