Covid nightmare

[Helena Louis]

It's almost 2 months I have lost my dad to covid. We had a very strong bond and it is hard to cope with it. I can't even fully realize the fact that he really is gone. I know I can't do anything about it, but I keep having dreams in which turns out all this was a game and he is actually alive. I guess that is my brains response to me not believing. 

I started to be afraid of life, future scares me and I see no light in the end. Anytime I have a good vision of future, I also see every bad thing that still can happen. Anyone having the same issue? I try to focus on the day, but to be honest the present is not the place I want to be. Past is painful, present is unbearable, future scary. Seems like I have no place to escape.  

[Chemex]

This is a very difficult time and I understand completely, as I lost my father to covid 3 weeks ago. He was my best friend and the rock holding everything together. I sometimes think that he is still present. I even look at his favourite chair envisioning him smiling back at me. Reality then kicks in and I start getting sad. I will then look at his pictures which makes me feel slightly better and then, close my eyes and feel his presence. 
 

I as well was scared of life 5 years ago, when my mother passed away. It was a very difficult process and still feel the pain. Found time does help you cope but, does take a lengthy time. In the mean time, I find doing the stuff my dad loved helps bring back great memories and honour him. Looking at his photos and some videos with my sister also helps brings back amazing memories. Knowing my stoic dad, he would not want me to stay sad but instead slowly move on. That will be very difficult but, will try to make my dad happy watching from above.