Fucking cancer

[CristinaGrym]

I have lived  in UK for  almost 7 years(I am from Spain) . I worked all through  the pandemic in a supermarket. I had a very close relationship  with my dad(We are dad,mum ,older  brother and me). Last months of 2020 my poor dad lost his voice. We thought  it was something linked with the larynx.

 

He got worse and worse and my mum and brother took him to hospital. One day my brother texted me to come back to Spain, that dad was unwell.

I didn't  know what to expect when I landed on my city. He died the day before.

I quitted my job and through  all these weeks I lost "friends"( some of them they haven't  even given me condolences).

 

I promised him not to kill myself but I see no future. I feel so sorry for my mum . I feel sorry for my mum and brother they saw him to consumate within months.

 

I can barely  cope with the pain. A friend told me I was being exaggerating(She didn't  cry when she lost her parents).

 

Sorry for my spelling.

[Hitch1392]

Are you still there?

[Hitch1392]

Hello? I've never been on here so I'm not sure if this is the right place to respond to you. Let me know if you can read this please.

[CristinaGrym]

8 minutes ago, Hitch1392 said:

Are you still there?

In UK you mean?

5 minutes ago, Hitch1392 said:

Hello? I've never been on here so I'm not sure if this is the right place to respond to you. Let me know if you can read this please.

Hello I am new too I can read the message ,many thanks for it

[Hitch1392]

No. I meant could you still read my message. I'm so sorry for your loss and for your grief. 

[Hitch1392]

I just want you to know that even though I don't know the whole story, I don't feel like you're exaggerating your grief. Nobody knows exactly how you feel but you. Even though somebody else didn't cry when their parents passed away doesn't mean that's how you were going to handle your situation. There might be some people who think that my grief should be getting better by now. My father passed away 6 months ago and I don't feel like I'm getting much better. But I'm trying to let myself grieve the way I think I need to. And you have to grieve the way you need to. And nobody else has a right to judge how you grieve. And I'm proud of you for reaching out to try to talk to somebody in a chat room who might understand a little bit about how you feel.

[CristinaGrym]

Many thanks , the worst thing is to know my mum is alone, that my dad didn't  deserve to die just before his retirement...

She has no friends,I don't  have neither, we try to help each other but sometimes it's  not enough becasue  we both are really down.

 

So sorry about your loss too. Are you receiving  other type of help?

[Hitch1392]

Actually today is my first appointment with a counselor so we will see how that goes. I'm kind of afraid to go because I feel like I'm going to cry the whole time and not be able to talk. But I have to do something. I'm so sorry about your mom having so much trouble and her feeling like she doesn't have enough support around her where she lives. How far away do you live from her? I'm sorry that you both feel so alone. I think that makes things so much harder. Are you receiving any other help like a therapist?

[CristinaGrym]

9 minutes ago, Hitch1392 said:

Actually today is my first appointment with a counselor so we will see how that goes. I'm kind of afraid to go because I feel like I'm going to cry the whole time and not be able to talk. But I have to do something. I'm so sorry about your mom having so much trouble and her feeling like she doesn't have enough support around her where she lives. How far away do you live from her? I'm sorry that you both feel so alone. I think that makes things so much harder. Are you receiving any other help like a therapist?

Many thanks , the worst thing is to know my mum is alone, that my dad didn't  deserve to die just before his retirement...

She has no friends,I don't  have neither, we try to help each other but sometimes it's  not enough becasue  we both are really down.

 

So sorry about your loss too. Are you receiving  other type of help?

 

 

Weare living together again,my mum,my brother and me. If you need to cry on therapy just do it

[Kelly L]

On the 25th of 2012 my dad died 64 years. A month later my dog of 13 years died. August of 2013 64 years my mom died of cancer.  My parents were my support, my best friends, my life I held all three in my arms for their final breath. I took care of all of them daily. I’ve been struggling ever since. Any words would be appreciated my siblings have moved on but for some reason I can’t. Help please. Sorry if I posted wrong first time ever doing this. 

[BEQUET93]

17 hours ago, CristinaGrym said:

I promised him not to kill myself but I see no future. 

 

 

I think that is a normal feeling, after such a loss. During my mother's final weeks and especially in the weeks that I followed, I kept thinking about ending myself and that there was no point in going on, but losing a parent is a MAJOR life event and her death was so recent that my emotions were raw. It is definitely something that will take time for you to work through. The depressive symptoms of grief usually pass on their own, but, if they persist, therapy and possibly medication can help.

 

18 hours ago, CristinaGrym said:

A friend told me I was being exaggerating(She didn't  cry when she lost her parents).

 

 

You aren't exaggerating. You are grieving, in your own natural way. It is healthy to get your emotions out and crying is one way to do it.

 

17 hours ago, Hitch1392 said:

Actually today is my first appointment with a counselor so we will see how that goes. I'm kind of afraid to go because I feel like I'm going to cry the whole time and not be able to talk. 

I wish you the best, with your therapy. This morning, I will have my 7th session. It can be hard, but I think it will help you. I have worked in crisis services for years and know many therapists, so I hope I can help ease your worry by saying that crying in your session is totally okay. I have seen people cry, during their sessions, and I have cried, during my own. 

 

4 hours ago, Kelly L said:

On the 25th of 2012 my dad died 64 years. A month later my dog of 13 years died. August of 2013 64 years my mom died of cancer.  My parents were my support, my best friends, my life I held all three in my arms for their final breath. I took care of all of them daily. I’ve been struggling ever since. Any words would be appreciated my siblings have moved on but for some reason I can’t. Help please. Sorry if I posted wrong first time ever doing this. 

Given how your parents were also your best friends, I can see how it would be hard for you. My mother and I did almost everything together and I am doing so much better and moving closer to my goal of achieving integrated grief, but there moments when every little thing reminds me that my mother is dead and that nothing will ever be how it was. And that you were with your parents and canine friend at their ends would definitely add an extra layer to your grief. During my grandma's final four weeks and my mother's final five weeks, I was caregiver and I was the one who held each of their hands, when they gave their final breaths. My brother and sister were there, but they didn't see all that I had seen or have the same degree of attachment to them that I did. Your losses were significant and it is okay to feel what you feel. If you haven't already tried, you may want to consider talking to a therapist. Only a clinician performing an assessment can say for sure, but you might be experiencing complicated grief. It can get better. I wish you the best.

[CristinaGrym]

4 hours ago, BEQUET93 said:

I think that is a normal feeling, after such a loss. During my mother's final weeks and especially in the weeks that I followed, I kept thinking about ending myself and that there was no point in going on, but losing a parent is a MAJOR life event and her death was so recent that my emotions were raw. It is definitely something that will take time for you to work through. The depressive symptoms of grief usually pass on their own, but, if they persist, therapy and possibly medication can help.

 

You aren't exaggerating. You are grieving, in your own natural way. It is healthy to get your emotions out and crying is one way to do it.

 

I wish you the best, with your therapy. This morning, I will have my 7th session. It can be hard, but I think it will help you. I have worked in crisis services for years and know many therapists, so I hope I can help ease your worry by saying that crying in your session is totally okay. I have seen people cry, during their sessions, and I have cried, during my own. 

 

Given how your parents were also your best friends, I can see how it would be hard for you. My mother and I did almost everything together and I am doing so much better and moving closer to my goal of achieving integrated grief, but there moments when every little thing reminds me that my mother is dead and that nothing will ever be how it was. And that you were with your parents and canine friend at their ends would definitely add an extra layer to your grief. During my grandma's final four weeks and my mother's final five weeks, I was caregiver and I was the one who held each of their hands, when they gave their final bre

4 hours ago, BEQUET93 said:

I think that is a normal feeling, after such a loss. During my mother's final weeks and especially in the weeks that I followed, I kept thinking about ending myself and that there was no point in going on, but losing a parent is a MAJOR life event and her death was so recent that my emotions were raw. It is definitely something that will take time for you to work through. The depressive symptoms of grief usually pass on their own, but, if they persist, therapy and possibly medication can help.

 

You aren't exaggerating. You are grieving, in your own natural way. It is healthy to get your emotions out and crying is one way to do it.

 

I wish you the best, with your therapy. This morning, I will have my 7th session. It can be hard, but I think it will help you. I have worked in crisis services for years and know many therapists, so I hope I can help ease your worry by saying that crying in your session is totally okay. I have seen people cry, during their sessions, and I have cried, during my own. 

 

Given how your parents were also your best friends, I can see how it would be hard for you. My mother and I did almost everything together and I am doing so much better and moving closer to my goal of achieving integrated grief, but there moments when every little thing reminds me that my mother is dead and that nothing will ever be how it was. And that you were with your parents and canine friend at their ends would definitely add an extra layer to your grief. During my grandma's final four weeks and my mother's final five weeks, I was caregiver and I was the one who held each of their hands, when they gave their final breaths. My brother and sister were there, but they didn't see all that I had seen or have the same degree of attachment to them that I did. Your losses were significant and it is okay to feel what you feel. If you haven't already tried, you may want to consider talking to a therapist. Only a clinician performing an assessment can say for sure, but you might be experiencing complicated grief. It can get better. I wish you the best.

 

4 hours ago, BEQUET93 said:

I think that is a normal feeling, after such a loss. During my mother's final weeks and especially in the weeks that I followed, I kept thinking about ending myself and that there was no point in going on, but losing a parent is a MAJOR life event and her death was so recent that my emotions were raw. It is definitely something that will take time for you to work through. The depressive symptoms of grief usually pass on their own, but, if they persist, therapy and possibly medication can help.

 

You aren't exaggerating. You are grieving, in your own natural way. It is healthy to get your emotions out and crying is one way to do it.

 

I wish you the best, with your therapy. This morning, I will have my 7th session. It can be hard, but I think it will help you. I have worked in crisis services for years and know many therapists, so I hope I can help ease your worry by saying that crying in your session is totally okay. I have seen people cry, during their sessions, and I have cried, during my own. 

 

Given how your parents were also your best friends, I can see how it would be hard for you. My mother and I did almost everything together and I am doing so much better and moving closer to my goal of achieving integrated grief, but there moments when every little thing reminds me that my mother is dead and that nothing will ever be how it was. And that you were with your parents and canine friend at their ends would definitely add an extra layer to your grief. During my grandma's final four weeks and my mother's final five weeks, I was caregiver and I was the one who held each of their hands, when they gave their final breaths. My brother and sister were there, but they didn't see all that I had seen or have the same degree of attachment to them that I did. Your losses were significant and it is okay to feel what you feel. If you haven't already tried, you may want to consider talking to a therapist. Only a clinician performing an assessment can say for sure, but you might be experiencing complicated grief. It can get better. I wish you the best.

aths. My brother and sister were there, but they didn't see all that I had seen or have the same degree of attachment to them that I did. Your losses were significant and it is okay to feel what you feel. If you haven't already tried, you may want to consider talking to a therapist. Only a clinician performing an assessment can say for sure, but you might be experiencing complicated grief. It can get better. I wish you the best.

22 hours ago, Hitch1392 said:

Actually today is my first appointment with a counselor so we will see how that goes. I'm kind of afraid to go because I feel like I'm going to cry the whole time and not be able to talk. But I have to do something. I'm so sorry about your mom having so much trouble and her feeling like she doesn't have enough support around her where she lives. How far away do you live from her? I'm sorry that you both feel so alone. I think that makes things so much harder. Are you receiving any other help like a therapist?

Many thanks , the worst thing is to know my mum is alone, that my dad didn't  deserve to die just before his retirement...

She has no friends,I don't  have neither, we try to help each other but sometimes it's  not enough becasue  we both are really down.

 

So sorry about your loss too. Are you receiving  other type of help?

 

 

Weare living together again,my mum,my brother and me. If you need to cry on therapy just do it

Therapy ok I don't  know I sign up to this website to be told the obvious.

[CristinaGrym]

8 hours ago, Kelly L said:

On the 25th of 2012 my dad died 64 years. A month later my dog of 13 years died. August of 2013 64 years my mom died of cancer.  My parents were my support, my best friends, my life I held all three in my arms for their final breath. I took care of all of them daily. I’ve been struggling ever since. Any words would be appreciated my siblings have moved on but for some reason I can’t. Help please. Sorry if I posted wrong first time ever doing this. 

Oh no so sorry....You have friends?Other family members? Have you seeked help ?

Oh no so sorry....You have friends?Other family members? Have you seeked help ?Have you talked about this with professionals?

[Hitch1392]

I am so sorry for your losses, Kelly. It all seems like too much. I am so sorry. I went to therapy yesterday. I cried a whole lot but I was actually able to talk and make enough sense so that she understood why I was there. Hopefully over time she will be able to help. Yesterday I also found out that my dad's bookkeeper from his business took one of his business accounts out of the bank and kept it for herself. She and I had been friends for about 40 years. I'm 51 right now. And that hurt me that she would hurt me that way but more that she would take my Dad's money like that even though he's not here. I'm very protective over him even though he's not here. Now I'm so mad I feel like I'm going to explode.

[Hitch1392]

Kelly, everyone has to grieve in their own way. No matter how other people feel. You have to be kind and gentle with yourself.