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the remaining parent


dizzydancingway

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dizzydancingway

As much as I am doing well in my own greif, I worry so much about my dad. He is only 68 and was married to my mom for 37 years. Sometimes I feel guilty that I have a boyfriend to rely on. Sometimes I feel so heartbroken for my dad. He's very introverted and doesn't have a ton of friends or hobbies. I know he's lonely because he talks about it with me. If I were older, more settled, and had a home, I would probably have my dad move in with me, but I'm only 27 and still figuring out my life. Sometimes I can't separate myself from his pain and I breakdown thinking about it. I carry his pain around sometimes.

Has anyone else had this experience with a survivng parent? How do you cope?

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As much as I am doing well in my own greif, I worry so much about my dad. He is only 68 and was married to my mom for 37 years. Sometimes I feel guilty that I have a boyfriend to rely on. Sometimes I feel so heartbroken for my dad. He's very introverted and doesn't have a ton of friends or hobbies. I know he's lonely because he talks about it with me. If I were older, more settled, and had a home, I would probably have my dad move in with me, but I'm only 27 and still figuring out my life. Sometimes I can't separate myself from his pain and I breakdown thinking about it. I carry his pain around sometimes.

Has anyone else had this experience with a survivng parent? How do you cope?

My dad passed away two years ago. He and my mom were married for 54 years. My mom is 75 years old and is very lonely. She sold the family home and moved closer to my sister and I so we could help her. I feel bad that she is lonely; she sits for days at a time sewing, watching television and cleaning her immaculate home. I try to visit her as much as possible, but I work full time, I have four kids to take care of and I am in school working on my master's degree. I wish I could find her a friend. I don't want her to date (selfishly), but I would like her to have someone to make her feel special again. I can feel her loneliness, and it gets to me. So, I understand what you mean about carrying your dad's pain around.

ModKonnie

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Yeah, I understand what you are meaning also, I find that I am carrying around my mother's pain, often when I see her she appears to be so sad, lonely and just lost in her own thoughts. I moved back with my parents a short while before my dad passed away and it's difficult to see my mum go from being outgoing to a hermit. I must say though at this point that being a hermit isn't totally her choice, I've been incredibly sick since my father passed away (not necessarily to do with his death even though the stress and loss doesn't help my situation) so this makes things even worse for my mum as I am mainly housebound right now and so she stays inside with me.

Would things be different if I wasn't sick, would she be going out more? I just don't know but I just so wish things were different. I feel her pain over losing her husband, I want to help her as I feel I should by helping us both to find our now 'normal life' but I can't and it just makes matters worse. The other morning I found her crying in her room, she admitted that she cries most mornings before she gets out of bed, she doesn't want me to see her crying and this totally broke my heart to hear. I wish I could take every ounce of her pain away instead of making things worse for her at this time.

I hope things are starting to improve for both yourself and your dad, just let him always know how much you love him as I am sure you'd do anyway.

Take care

Dmc44

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