Just Like Dad

[Pennywyze43]

I  remember when I was younger, how much I did not want to be anything like my dad.  He physically, mentally, emotionally and verbally abused my mom.  And he was mentally, emotionally and verbally abusive to me.  Now, seeing as how my sister was his favorite, she wasn't abused.  

 

In the beginning of 2019, I had reality smack me in the face when my husband Jeremy brought it to my attention that I was mentally emotionally and verbally abusive to him.  Though I don't remember anything from when I would go flying into a blacked out bipolar rage, I'm not the one to doubt what he said because when I would come out of it. I always felt a sense that I had been horrible to him.

 

So, in the end, I wound up being just like dad.  That's hard for me to admit.

 

 

[reader]

Dear Penny,

Please don't be hard on yourself. None of us know how our childhood will affect us in the future. It's deep inside of us and our behavior and thoughts and actions will manifest in many different ways. We don't mean to be that way and it's all done very unconsciously. 

It's good that you recognized the influence of your childhood. I know for myself that I still carry a lot of pain from my own childhood. I tell myself I will do better and yet sometimes it still bursts out of me. The anger. The impatience. The frustration. We are all only human doing the best we can.

Take care of yourself.

 

[Pennywyze43]

@reader Thanks for your reply. The stuff I experienced as a child, the teasing from everyone in school, my kindergarten teacher, and my family, helped make me the woman I am, today.  I try not to be hard on me, but from time to time it happens.

 

[Kevin8988]

Dear Pennywyze43,

I have similar life experience as yours, except it was my mom who has the emotional problem, which she carries from her family.  I totally understand what you are going through.   This issue is one of the reason I stay single.  I don't want to give my pains to anyone else.  All problems end with me.