First night at home ...solo

[Remember the Big Mo]

First night at home solo since Rick passed away 18 days ago. Adult son and his wife are home after extended stay and adult daughter took the night off and stayed with BF. I managed to stay busy, had a sit down meal that my daughter prepared vs. just snacking, watched TV and went to bed. All seemed pretty "normal" until I woke up this morning-didn't help that it is snowing and grey. I feel like I am the big silver ball in the pin ball machine, being bounced around with not much direction and not knowing where I will land. 

Although we were retired, we never got into the retirement groove as it was very recent. Within 10 months of not working we were going to Drs, having tests, getting diagnosis, receiving treatments, hospital stays all mixed in with COVID 19.  When I think of new normal, I get lost not even knowing what normal was or is.

Thank you for all being here with all your insight and wisdom.

[Lars M]

BigMo:

I am so sorry for your lose I found this web site shortly after my wife of 30 years passed she was so healthy until she wasn't it came on so quick she got sick with lung cancer and 3 months later she passed gave us no time to think. We talked all the time of retiring, she would have retired in two years I have 7 more years before I can but that does not matter know I don't give a #### now. I feel your pain all the plans of travel and spending our golden years together are gone. I will say that talking to these great people here and sharing with them helped so much and still does. It has been 9  almost 10 months since I lost her and some days are easer then others but the emptiness is still so strong I still can't believe she is gone.  This group has help me a bunch and I hope it helps you. i pray it gets a little easier for you. 

[luckystarhongkong]

7 hours ago, BigMo said:

First night at home solo since Rick passed away 18 days ago. Adult son and his wife are home after extended stay and adult daughter took the night off and stayed with BF. I managed to stay busy, had a sit down meal that my daughter prepared vs. just snacking, watched TV and went to bed. All seemed pretty "normal" until I woke up this morning-didn't help that it is snowing and grey. I feel like I am the big silver ball in the pin ball machine, being bounced around with not much direction and not knowing where I will land. 

Although we were retired, we never got into the retirement groove as it was very recent. Within 10 months of not working we were going to Drs, having tests, getting diagnosis, receiving treatments, hospital stays all mixed in with COVID 19.  When I think of new normal, I get lost not even knowing what normal was or is.

Thank you for all being here with all your insight and wisdom.

I can understand how you feel. Me and my wife were planning for our retirement next year; we were looking into new apartments in another country where we both loved; we stayed there for some time to get a taste of how it looked like...we look forward excitedly to the new life ahead when we can enjoy more time together savoring life.....but suddenly she's gone. Joy became despair. Without warning I found myself in hell. It's hard to believe things can take a turn so quickly and I have to face the uncertain future all by myself; the emptiness and loneliness is so unbearable....

[KayC]

It is hard when people go back to their lives but ours is left in pieces.  My heart goes out to you as you are trying to adjust to the seeming unadjustable. 

 

[Remember the Big Mo]

Weekends are proving to be equally as difficult. Keeping busy without Rick in the house, him doing his thing, and chiming in feels incredibly lonely in its finality. I won't say that we were linked at the hip, but after 40 years of marriage there is a rhythm established that no longer exist. Exploring what my solo rhythm is will likely come in the future-but I feel like that will be leaving him behind.