Emptying my mother's home

[KarolinaEng]

My mother passed away in cancer in the beginning of this year. Since she was a single parent, me and my siblings have a difficult task ahead of us cleaning out her house. Being very young (29) and my siblings 26 and 23 the situation still feels quite surreal to me. Even though it has passed 3 months now, I sometimes still can't get my ahead around that she isn't around. 

Sorting out her things, I feel its hard to know what to keep and what to trash or give to charity. Therefore I have started to take photographs of the house, in order to remember where all bits an pieces where placed. Wondering how my memory of the house will be affected over time, I am curious to hear other stories regarding cleaning out a parent's home. How do you remember or experience a home of a parent that is no longer around? And how is the experience or memory affected over time?

[reader]

Dear Karolina,

I am sorry for your loss. It is extremely hard to go through a parent's cherished belongings and deciding what to keep. 

After my father passed away, I found the silence in the home deafening without his presence. The first two years were the hardest because everyone room of the house reminded me of my dad and I would be easily triggered and cry. I know many people who have chosen to move because of this but I am still in the same house 5 years later. Take your time and know that everyone's journey will be different. 

I hope this article has some helpful information.

https://www.nextavenue.org/9-tips-cleaning-out-your-late-parents-home/

[teebtalk]

When my mother passed away a month ago, it was a week before she was scheduled to move into her "dream home" - a house she had spent years saving up to buy, renovate and live out her retirement years in. She had already scheduled the movers, who came to pack up her belongings 3 days later. I remember feeling very obsessive about every single one of her items. Not wanting to lose a single memory or piece of her. Clutching to her physical possessions as a way to be closer to her. I imagined she was just away on a trip and would be back any time, so we needed to keep her house exactly as she would want it when she moves in.

Given her unique situation, we had to pack up her belongings 3 days after her death when we had barely even processed her grief. It was so incredibly painful. I kept anything that had special meaning or memories attached to them. If I was ever in doubt, I tried to keep her possessions rather than throwing things away. In my state of grief, I didn't want to make an irreversible decision that I would regret later. We will need to go back through her belonging in a year and see if there are more items we don't need to keep. 

Take your time if you can. It's a painful process, so if you have the ability to go through the process when the feelings aren't as raw and fresh, that would be my advice. I also found this article to be of some comfort: https://whatsyourgrief.com/sorting-through-belongings/