Members Taylor22 Posted April 12, 2021 Members Report Share Posted April 12, 2021 Hi everyone, My mom suddenly passed away on 3/17/2021 from a massive heart attack. This is such a devastating loss for me because we were honestly two halves of a whole. I lost my dad when I was 17 from suicide and 11 years later I still have a lot of guilt and question if there was anything I could’ve have done to stopped it from happening. At 28, I lost the only parent I had left and she honestly was everything to me. I’m still in utter shock over her death, especially considering how it happened. My mom was such a healthy person and she would always go to the doctor, even if it was for a stubbed toe. She was always worried about her health, which is why it’s so hard to accept that she died from a massive heart attack. I try not to think of it, but I keep blaming myself and questioning if I missed anything. About a week or so before, she went to the doctors complaining about indigestion. She had a history of acid reflux, so it just seemed like something she normally dealt with and the doctors thought so as well. Now I’m questioning why I didn’t take her the hospital when the indigestion persisted. I normally would, so why didn’t I say anything this time? If I would have just pushed her to go to the hospital, maybe she would still be here right now. Deep down I know if my mom really thought it was bad or was really alarmed, she probably would have taken herself to the hospital but I can’t help thinking that there was more that I could’ve done and it kills me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BEQUET93 Posted April 13, 2021 Members Report Share Posted April 13, 2021 Hi, After losing a loved one, guilt and what-ifs are common and not just after a suicide. It hasn't been a month, since you lost your mother, so the grief is still fresh. You've experienced a major loss that is a huge shock to both thought and emotion and it will take time to stabilize. I am so sorry you have gone through so much, at such a young age. When I was 45, I lost my last parent and I have moments when I feel like a small child lost in a large city, with no one to keep me safe. Given that you still experience guilt from the loss of your father, you might want to consider sessions with a therapist or grief counselor. If that's not something for which you are ready, take advantage of any opportunity to get express those feelings. Sometimes, just getting them out there can provide some relief, even if it is only on paper. I know it is a realization you will have to arrive at on your own, but I do not believe you failed either parent in any way. I wish you the very best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members reader Posted April 13, 2021 Members Report Share Posted April 13, 2021 Dear Taylor, I am so sorry for your devastating loss. We all tend to look back and think if only I had done this or that but it's not reasonable. No one can know anything for sure. No matter how much we want to. I hope this article will help and offer you some comfort. https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/12/grief-and-burden-of-guilt.html Thinking of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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