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Death of My Mum


Broken13

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I'm 28 & my mum (my best friend) died when i was 25-three months before my 26th birthday which i had to spend alone! She was admitted to hospital on 16th January 2009 (fri); on sat she seemed gr8; but i walked in on the sunday & found out she'd suffered a massive stroke at 10am the same day-i wasn't told. I asked my mum if she knew my name, first she said her own name, i asked if she knew who i was - "NO" was her answer! 3 Weeks later she died. I spent 24/7 by her bedside, this certain morning i decided to go home, get bath, changed & head straight back - she died 20 minutes after i left. I HATE ME+I HATE HER* SOMEONE PLEASE REPLY *

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... The worst part was that-because her health & pain had gotten so bad even before going into hospital-THREE days before she died (she was in a private room) she was basically in a coma by this point & i bent down & whispered something in her ear... I Said to my mum: "look, if it's too hard & if you can't bare the pain then JUST LET GO - I'll be ok, my dad will be there to meet you. Don't hold on in pain just for me. Just remember that I LOVE YOU" *I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH

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... The worst part was that-because her health & pain had gotten so bad even before going into hospital-THREE days before she died (she was in a private room) she was basically in a coma by this point & i bent down & whispered something in her ear... I Said to my mum: "look, if it's too hard & if you can't bare the pain then JUST LET GO - I'll be ok, my dad will be there to meet you. Don't hold on in pain just for me. Just remember that I LOVE YOU" *I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH

Hurts2Breath,

When my father and mother-in-law were both dying and in obvious agony, Hospice workers encouraged us to tell them that it was okay if they needed to let go. My father died shortly after my brother arrived at home and told him not to worry that Mom would be well taken care of and that if he wanted to go on and be with my older brother, he could.

I think it is honorable and loving that you were self-less enough to say those encouraging words to your mother. I can tell you must truly truly love her.

You shouldn't hate yourself. You truly did the right thing.

ModKonnie

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First thing you need to do is stop hating yourself. You mum and dad wouldn't want that ever so work on that. I can understand guilt but you didn't cause any of this. None of it was your fault and we never know when God will decide to take someone home. You were there for her, comforted her, and told her it was ok to go. Seems you did a lot for your mum so have no more guilt. Just mourn your loss but take comfort in the fact that she is with your dad and they are watching over you with pride. :) :)

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Hurts2Breath,

I cannot begin to feel what you feel but I do know that negative emotions can be more harmful to you than you think. What you said to your mum, as ModKonnie said, is something to help HER feel good. She knows that you were going to suffer with her passing but hearing from you that you would be ok helped her in the hardest moments of her life. You gave her the opportunity to act as your comforter since you had been there for her tirelessly.

It is from those moments you spent with her in the last days that you may be able to draw comfort from. You were there for her Hurts2Breath.

Now you need to take care of yourself and your health. An article in the New York "Times Magazine" says: "In medical centers across the nation, evidence has been accumulating that grief, joy...affect our bodies far more than scientists have believed". Negative emotions are now seen as playing at least some role in "lowering a crucial threshold that affects the immune system. Your temperament and your approach to life seem to have an effect on your resistance to disease."

Though the medical field is making these discoveries, the Bible long ago made it clear by saying: "A heart that is joyful does good as a curer, but a spirit that is stricken makes the bones dry." (Proverbs 17:22)

Please take care of yourself and don't beat yourself over the 'what if's'.

Kind Regards,

Ada

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