Feeling alienated

[Carolyn532]

I lost my mother two weeks ago. She had heart problems and diabetes, but what ultimately took her from us was Alzheimers. I am devastated, even though it feels like we’ve been losing her a little at a time for awhile.
I was with her when she passed. I feel incredibly blessed that I could be with her, and that she passed peacefully during this pandemic. But I’m finding that now I feel sort of alienated from everyone since I was the only one of my siblings that was with her at the end. It’s a vague feeling - I don’t specifically feel alienated from my siblings; more like alienated from the world. Any one else ever feel this way? 

[Monty]

Carolyn,

I am sorry you are going through this.

I think feeling alienated from the world is a normal feeling after such a huge loss. No other person in the world is feeling exactly the same as you at this point in time. Not even your siblings. Even though you all lost your Mum you all had a slightly different relationship with her. 

I often liken the feeling of losing both of my parents to like being stuck out in a little row boat in the middle of the ocean on my own. I have no oars to row with and no compass to guide me. I just have to ride out the waves as they come. I am completely alone. 
 

I’m glad you got to be with her when she passed. Be kind to yourself. You are not alone. People on this forum understand your pain, emptiness and feelings of alienation. 

[Carolyn532]

Thank you Monty - your response is so kind, makes so much sense, and helps so much. I’m sorry to hear that you have lost both parents. My best to you. 

[TLN]

7 hours ago, Carolyn532 said:

It’s a vague feeling - I don’t specifically feel alienated from my siblings; more like alienated from the world. Any one else ever feel this way? 

Dear Carolyn532, Yes, I do. I am a "girl without a planet", so to speak (to quote a not so popular song); my Father died 3 years ago this May 2nd; and I truly am alone in this world. It is so good to be able to come here and write. My heart goes out to you. @TLN

6 hours ago, Monty said:

I often liken the feeling of losing both of my parents to like being stuck out in a little row boat in the middle of the ocean on my own. I have no oars to row with and no compass to guide me. I just have to ride out the waves as they come. I am completely alone. 

Dear Monty, I know exactly what you mean. These last three years I have had this image in my mind of me on a boat on a tumultuous sea, with neither rock nor mast to steady me. Both my head and my foundation are gone, both of which were my Father; and now even God seems dead. My heart goes out to you as well. @TLN