Members Olive Posted April 3, 2021 Members Report Share Posted April 3, 2021 Hello, im 21 and I lost my dad suddenly about a year ago. I was the one who found him. When it all happened I was trying to be strong for everyone around me and show that I was okay, but it’s now over a year later and im still not at peace with it. Im not sure how to properly grieve or if there is a way to do so. I think about him everyday and have dreams about him coming back at least once a week. I feel like I am not at peace with the loss and I really don’t know how to get there. It’s hard to accept that he is someone I will never see again and he will never be able to see me get married or have children. Im just having a hard time coming to terms with everything. Anyone’s advice and tips are very appreciated. Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TLN Posted April 4, 2021 Members Report Share Posted April 4, 2021 3 hours ago, Olive said: Im just having a hard time coming to terms with everything. Dear Olive, me, too. My Father died 3 years ago this May 2nd and I have just recently started to get my head above the grief. They say I must come to terms with it; that his death is forever and I need to move on. But what does moving on mean? Does it mean I forget him like they seem to have done? Does it mean I get back into the swing of things, and focus as they do, on life's mundanity in the hope that it distracts me from my sadness? I have told them such trivial things only make matters worse for me. My Father was the only one I could talk to about the deeper things of life; he hated the superficial and fake. Now he is gone, and I am left with platitudes from people who don't really care. It is good for me to come here and vent to people who do. I started a blog here called Baby's Heart to honor my Father, and doing so has really helped me in my recovery. It can happen, dear. Persevere. TLN. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members reader Posted April 4, 2021 Members Report Share Posted April 4, 2021 Dear Olive, I'm sorry for your loss. Please know there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. Each person's journey will be different. Everything you are feeling and thinking is natural and normal. It's been almost 5 years since my dad passed and I too wonder if I will ever come to terms with my new reality. I found these articles and websites helpful in understanding my grief. Grief in Common Grief Share Grief Healing Blog What's Your Grief I found this article expressed how I felt best. https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/i-don-t-want-to-get-over-my-father-s-death Thinking of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Monty Posted April 4, 2021 Members Report Share Posted April 4, 2021 Hi Olive, I am sorry you are going through this. It must have been so hard for you finding your Dad. I lost both of my parents suddenly in different ways. Not having that opportunity to say goodbye is difficult and all the things left unsaid. If only we could talk to them one more time. I have no real advice but wanted you to know that you are not alone. I carry my parents love in my heart with me as I face every day and its challenges. I know they would want me to live a full and happy life. I am trying my best. That is all that I can do. Be kind to yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BEQUET93 Posted April 5, 2021 Members Report Share Posted April 5, 2021 My own experience has been that losing a parent at a young age can be challenging. When my father died, I was 19 years old and it was the first time I had actually seen a person in the moment after their passing. He and I were never buddies, but he was my father and his death haunted me. They are no longer as frequent, but I had bad dreams of him being back in the hospital and thinking, "We have to go through this, again?" I had one really bad dream of receiving a phone call from the police, in the middle of the night. I went to the police station and there was my dad. I had to tell him he was deceased and he needed to return to the grave. One day, I was looking at myself in the bathroom mirror and realized I have his eyes and nose, which caused me to feel like he was looking at me, through the mirror. It might take some time, but you can come to terms with the loss of your father. This year will mark the 27th anniversary of my own father's passing. For me, I have known him longer as a memory than a living person. There are moments it comes back and bothers me, but I think that's a normal part of integrated grief. No one ever truly gets over the loss of a loved one, but they are able to move on with their own lives, without feeling like they are somehow dishonoring the deceased. Monty makes a good point, by stating about carrying a parent's love. They might be physically gone, but they are still with us. Something that has really helped me is to embrace that concept. My mother is deceased, but I can go to the places we went to remember and feel a sense of connection to her. Hell, I sometimes still talk to her. I listen to her favorite music and leave the television on her favorite channels. Some might say that sounds at least a little unhinged, but it has worked for me and you will find something that works for you. Best wishes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Olive Posted April 7, 2021 Author Members Report Share Posted April 7, 2021 On 4/3/2021 at 9:40 PM, TLN said: Dear Olive, me, too. My Father died 3 years ago this May 2nd and I have just recently started to get my head above the grief. They say I must come to terms with it; that his death is forever and I need to move on. But what does moving on mean? Does it mean I forget him like they seem to have done? Does it mean I get back into the swing of things, and focus as they do, on life's mundanity in the hope that it distracts me from my sadness? I have told them such trivial things only make matters worse for me. My Father was the only one I could talk to about the deeper things of life; he hated the superficial and fake. Now he is gone, and I am left with platitudes from people who don't really care. It is good for me to come here and vent to people who do. I started a blog here called Baby's Heart to honor my Father, and doing so has really helped me in my recovery. It can happen, dear. Persevere. TLN. Thank you so much. I will check out your blog! I appreciate your advice. On 4/5/2021 at 1:36 AM, BEQUET93 said: My own experience has been that losing a parent at a young age can be challenging. When my father died, I was 19 years old and it was the first time I had actually seen a person in the moment after their passing. He and I were never buddies, but he was my father and his death haunted me. They are no longer as frequent, but I had bad dreams of him being back in the hospital and thinking, "We have to go through this, again?" I had one really bad dream of receiving a phone call from the police, in the middle of the night. I went to the police station and there was my dad. I had to tell him he was deceased and he needed to return to the grave. One day, I was looking at myself in the bathroom mirror and realized I have his eyes and nose, which caused me to feel like he was looking at me, through the mirror. It might take some time, but you can come to terms with the loss of your father. This year will mark the 27th anniversary of my own father's passing. For me, I have known him longer as a memory than a living person. There are moments it comes back and bothers me, but I think that's a normal part of integrated grief. No one ever truly gets over the loss of a loved one, but they are able to move on with their own lives, without feeling like they are somehow dishonoring the deceased. Monty makes a good point, by stating about carrying a parent's love. They might be physically gone, but they are still with us. Something that has really helped me is to embrace that concept. My mother is deceased, but I can go to the places we went to remember and feel a sense of connection to her. Hell, I sometimes still talk to her. I listen to her favorite music and leave the television on her favorite channels. Some might say that sounds at least a little unhinged, but it has worked for me and you will find something that works for you. Best wishes. Thank you so much. All of this makes so much sense to me and im glad to hear someone else experiencing the same things I do. On 4/3/2021 at 11:50 PM, Monty said: Hi Olive, I am sorry you are going through this. It must have been so hard for you finding your Dad. I lost both of my parents suddenly in different ways. Not having that opportunity to say goodbye is difficult and all the things left unsaid. If only we could talk to them one more time. I have no real advice but wanted you to know that you are not alone. I carry my parents love in my heart with me as I face every day and its challenges. I know they would want me to live a full and happy life. I am trying my best. That is all that I can do. Be kind to yourself. Thank you so much. I agree that he would want me to live a happy life! On 4/3/2021 at 10:29 PM, reader said: Dear Olive, I'm sorry for your loss. Please know there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. Each person's journey will be different. Everything you are feeling and thinking is natural and normal. It's been almost 5 years since my dad passed and I too wonder if I will ever come to terms with my new reality. I found these articles and websites helpful in understanding my grief. Grief in Common Grief Share Grief Healing Blog What's Your Grief I found this article expressed how I felt best. https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/i-don-t-want-to-get-over-my-father-s-death Thinking of you. Thank you so much. I really resonated with the article you suggested. I appreciate your advice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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