Moderators widower2 Posted March 30, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted March 30, 2021 I'm not a big "Trekkie," but just watched an episode of Star Trek: Next Generation that really hit home...for those familiar with the series, it's one where Dianna's mother is suppressing the loss of her daughter and it puts her in a coma (link: https://www.netflix.com/watch/70178021)...although it's the loss of her daughter and not a partner, the intense guilt and grief she feels hit home in a powerful way. Frankly I've yet to see a movie that really spoke me about loss, and God knows I've tried. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members foreverhis Posted March 30, 2021 Members Report Share Posted March 30, 2021 I think I know the episode you mean. I'm not a big "Trekkie" either, but John and I did enjoy watching when we saw it was on. It's been decades so I don't remember the specifics, but the gist of it rings a bell. I too have not found a movie that fully encompasses our kind of grief. They're either trite or sappy sentimental or "life goes on" and usually superficial. I know it's not everybody's cup of tea, but I do like What Dreams May Come because there's something about it that hits home. Yeah, it's far from perfect, but I relate to the times when they are separated, yet their connection still shows in her paintings. The despair they both feel is certainly familiar. When I first saw it, I thought to myself, "Yes, I'd go to hell and back to save John. I really would." Plus, we're from the Bay Area and John met Robin Williams one afternoon when they were both in the lobby of a theater, having been dragged to a concert by family and needing a bit of a break. We're not star-struck kind of people and were heavily involved in theater and music, so John didn't make a big deal of it. They had a quiet conversation that stayed with him as meaningful. The shows I've found that touch on spouse loss realistically aren't shows about spouse loss, but rather where characters are experiencing it as part of the whole. All of them are British (or other countries in the Commonwealth). Like in Inspector Lewis where many years after losing his wife, he has been hesitantly moving toward a deeper relationship with a woman he (and we as viewers) has known for decades--starting way back during the run of Inspector Morse. She is very sensitive to his feelings and confusions, has never pushed him, and has always been there as a friend, even though it's clear to us that she loves him. They are talking at one point, several seasons into the series, and he's talking about what he's feeling. He says that for years so many things, day after day, were so painful that he never thought he'd be able to move forward (not "move on"), but that recently he realized that he would never be closing the book on his life with his wife and their love. He described it as turning a page and starting a new chapter, with his friend, instead. For all their supposed stoic attitudes, the Brits nail the depths of grief more accurately, by far, than most US shows. Funny how some things just smack us out of the blue, even when they're not partner-loss specific, because they resonate for us in some way we'd be hard pressed to fully explain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted March 31, 2021 Author Moderators Report Share Posted March 31, 2021 9 hours ago, foreverhis said: I think I know the episode you mean. I'm not a big "Trekkie" either, but John and I did enjoy watching when we saw it was on. It's been decades so I don't remember the specifics, but the gist of it rings a bell. FWIW it's called "Dark Page" (season 7) on Netflix. I also liked it because her character is usually this annoying, overbearing, over the top pest, but she's so much more subdued and poignant there...an outstanding performance by the actress (Majel Barrett). Quote I too have not found a movie that fully encompasses our kind of grief. They're either trite or sappy sentimental or "life goes on" and usually superficial. I know it's not everybody's cup of tea, but I do like What Dreams May Come because there's something about it that hits home. Yeah, it's far from perfect, but I relate to the times when they are separated, yet their connection still shows in her paintings. The despair they both feel is certainly familiar. When I first saw it, I thought to myself, "Yes, I'd go to hell and back to save John. I really would." Yes! I really liked that movie. Hard to not like Robin Williams for one, and the visuals are fantastic, but really the depth of the loss and dealing with it hit home the most. Quote Plus, we're from the Bay Area and John met Robin Williams one afternoon when they were both in the lobby of a theater, having been dragged to a concert by family and needing a bit of a break. We're not star-struck kind of people and were heavily involved in theater and music, so John didn't make a big deal of it. They had a quiet conversation that stayed with him as meaningful. Very cool! I don't consider myself a star-struck type either, but it would have been amazing to meet him. A conversation with Robin Williams.....I can't imagine Quote The shows I've found that touch on spouse loss realistically aren't shows about spouse loss, but rather where characters are experiencing it as part of the whole. All of them are British (or other countries in the Commonwealth). . Yes - I can't speak to those but will try to check out. Quote Funny how some things just smack us out of the blue, even when they're not partner-loss specific, because they resonate for us in some way we'd be hard pressed to fully explain. EXACTLY - more than once I've been watching something and started blubbering and wasn't sure why as it wasn't about a partner loss but somehow I knew it was connected Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Roxeanne Posted March 31, 2021 Members Report Share Posted March 31, 2021 I like the movie of Clint Eastwood "Hereafter" ...it's about loss and desire to communicate with the lost loved ones But also about the mistery of death...i find fascinating how describes the experience of death as in intense journey of brighten lights and full of people Peaceful and not solitary..as i hope it was for my love! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members foreverhis Posted March 31, 2021 Members Report Share Posted March 31, 2021 16 hours ago, widower2 said: FWIW it's called "Dark Page" (season 7) on Netflix. I also liked it because her character is usually this annoying, overbearing, over the top pest, but she's so much more subdued and poignant there...an outstanding performance by the actress (Majel Barrett). I will have to check it out. I concur about the character, though of course Majel Barrett must have had a blast playing her. Those are the most fun! For years, I got cast as the good girl, the ingenue, and the best friend or sister. Finally, I got cast as the bad girl--Oh yes, it was fun! 16 hours ago, widower2 said: Yes! I really liked that movie. Hard to not like Robin Williams for one, and the visuals are fantastic, but really the depth of the loss and dealing with it hit home the most. It's amazing to me that many people only think of or see the comic, frenetic side of him. He had quite a wide range of acting talent. The visuals are stunning indeed. As he realizes specific things that were part of his life before, it really draws us in. And honestly, I'd like to think that if there is a "hell" that a forever love would be strong enough to overcome it. 16 hours ago, widower2 said: Very cool! I don't consider myself a star-struck type either, but it would have been amazing to meet him. A conversation with Robin Williams.....I can't imagine Yeah. I was in the theater with our daughter and a few other family members. John had snuck out with my approval because his back was bothering him in the uncomfortable seats. When we came out after and the whole lobby was full of people with Robin surrounded by his family, I asked if his back felt better. He said yes, and "Oh by the way..." And I missed it. John said that one-on-one, Robin was kind of quiet and introspective. John had a habit of managing to be in the right place, at the right time. It was so irritating! Once when we had taken the girls to New York for spring break the week before John had business there, we all got to choose a Broadway show. This was back when tickets weren't ridiculous and Tix often had good seats last minute. I chose A Walk in the Woods with Sam Waterston (love him) and Robert Prosky (him too). After the play, the girls and I headed to the ladies, where there was a long line (of course). John said he'd meet us out front. So when we were finished, we walked outside and I looked down the block. There's John deep in conversation with Robert Prosky! Apparently John had been strolling by the stage door and basically "ran into" him. John said, "Great performance. We really enjoyed it." and prepared to move on, but next thing you know, they're talking theater. John could talk to anyone about anything and put people at ease, a gift my father had as well and that he passed down to me for the most part. 16 hours ago, widower2 said: EXACTLY - more than once I've been watching something and started blubbering and wasn't sure why as it wasn't about a partner loss but somehow I knew it was connected Yes, and then I ask myself, "Self, what's the deal? This doesn't even really relate to you!" Oh well, I've been known to cry at the oddest things anyway, but now I have an "excuse." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted April 1, 2021 Author Moderators Report Share Posted April 1, 2021 7 hours ago, foreverhis said: I will have to check it out. I concur about the character, though of course Majel Barrett must have had a blast playing her. Those are the most fun! For years, I got cast as the good girl, the ingenue, and the best friend or sister. Finally, I got cast as the bad girl--Oh yes, it was fun! Ha! I recall actors saying that before - that the over the top characters (esp bad guys) were the most fun. Quote It's amazing to me that many people only think of or see the comic, frenetic side of him. He had quite a wide range of acting talent. I think most people who really have a clue know he was incredibly talented on all fronts. Good Will Hunting, need I say more...greatest movie speech ever I think Quote John said that one-on-one, Robin was kind of quiet and introspective. In a small personal setting like that, it doesn't surprise me at all. It's when he's in front of groups (even informally) that he's the crazy silly guy. One of my sister's best friends was part of the "Popeye" cast and said he was like that (always joking around etc). Of course that was in his drug hey-dey.... Quote Yes, and then I ask myself, "Self, what's the deal? This doesn't even really relate to you!" But I think it probably did somehow, it just wasn't really immediately obvious. I've thought the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members foreverhis Posted April 1, 2021 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2021 16 hours ago, widower2 said: Good Will Hunting, need I say more...greatest movie speech ever I think Absolutely agree! In fact, that one part of it kept rattling around in my brain the last few weeks John was in the hospital. I'd be sitting there by his side or sleeping fitfully in a recliner they'd drag in for me and I'd think, "Yes, that speech nailed it." That was also around the time I realized that no one in my life would be able to fully understand what losing John would do to me, my heart, and my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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