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It’s been 4 years


Jackmhf1

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I want to start this with...please don’t hate me.

January 25th 2018 I lost my mother to cancer. I was 21 when she passed. My mom was my closest parent. My father was an ass and always away for “business”, we found out he was with another women. My mom as my closest parent and my best friend. I have served in the US Army for 6 years so far and I plan to continue to serve until I can’t or I just don’t want to do it anymore. I feel weak asking for help, my own self pride stops me from wanting to talk about my mom. I don’t want to seem weak, I don’t want to be the guy who is hurt, the guy who can’t be emotional. I have lost friends in war and the other ways life takes people. I sit here though and I can’t let her go. She always seemed to know the answers and knew what to say in any situation. She’s been gone for 4 years and I still haven’t found someone who can talk to me the same way. I feel weird joining one of these groups. I am supposed to be strong...I’m supposed to be able to handle death...wtf am I doing boys?

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Dear Jack,

I'm so sorry for the pain and hurt you are feeling. Please know it is completely normal and natural, no matter if you are 21 or 71 and you lost your parent. Be kind and gentle to yourself.  Don't beat yourself up for how you are feeling. It shows how much you loved and valued your beloved mom. It's hardest feeling the world to lose a beloved parent. I cried an ocean of tears for my father. It's been almost 5 years for me and I still feel the loss.

I too found it hard to express my hurt. Even my siblings didn't want to hear about it. This forum and other grief forums is a safe place to share and express how you feel. I found so much comfort and wisdom and support.

It's important to talk about it and work through our thoughts and feelings. I also found these sites helpful:

Grief in Common

Grief Share

Grief Healing Blog

What's Your Grief

I don't know if you want to consider talking to a grief counselor, joining a grief support group. There are many resources in the community and through church that could help. Your feelings matter and they are real. And it's okay to have all these feeling still after 4 years. It could be 10 or even 20 years later. There is no fixed timeline for grief.  Take your time and allow yourself to express everything you are feeling and going through.

Please know we are with you.

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Hi Jack,

It has also been 4 years for me since I lost my Mum. It still hurts and I imagine to a certain extent, always will.

You are certainly not weak if you ask for help. Personally, I think people who are in touch with their own feelings and can realise they need help show they are strong. We seek help if we experience constant pain in other areas of our bodies so why not seek help for our mental health. It is just as important. 
I have recently reached out for help myself. The passing of my Dad in October last year has brought back up all the grief of losing my Mum 4 years ago. To be honest, I don’t think I dealt with my Mum’s sudden passing so now here it is too. 

Like Reader said, keep reaching out and expressing yourself. You are not alone. I think it is very brave of you to post on this forum. Be kind to yourself Jack. She is your Mum and now she is no longer physically here. Take care. 

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imissmydad55

Hey brother.

I just wanted to pop in and say there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Not in the slightest.

The world just isn't equipped for kids our age to lose parents so we resort to message boards for relief.

I did it - you did it - no shame in anything. Good first step. 

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Hi Jack, 

Its been 4 years to my mom's death. Still haven't been able to cope with the fact that she's not there anymore. feeling weak in these situations is very normal. Dad seems to be very distant now and things have changed so much. There are some days I dont feel like getting out of bed. Today's mother's day and I cant think about anything else other than this time exact 4 years ago, I went into ICU to visit her and wished her mother's day and she said "I dont think I'm gonna come alive from here". I hope you find some light at the end of this tunnel. Take care!

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