My dad is dying on the other side of the planet

[coco.k]

My dad has cancer, and I live on the opposite side of the planet. When COVID hit, I was in middle of planning to move back home. But that got stopped. In the back of my mind, I just hoped that I could be there soon so I could take proper care of my parents. Earlier last week my mom called me, I knew it’s a bad sign. And she told me my dad might not have much time left. I’ve been crying with regrets since then, and planning my trip to go home. I’ve booked my ticket, however since all the quarantine days my body has weakened. I made one small trip to the local pharmacy with mask and face shield, and nearly fainted on the way from short of breath. My mom is telling me it’s probably better to stay put, it would be really hard for me to survive a 14 hour flight, let alone the hours in both airports. if I got sick on the way then it would be devastating for her. I’m filled with guilt and sadness right now, knowing that I might just have to give up the last chance to see my dad in person. 

[Monty]

CocoK,

I am so sorry to hear of your hurt and sadness. I hope you can find some way to connect with your Dad so that you have a chance to say goodbye to him. 

Take care. We are here on this forum to support you. Come on here and vent, cry as you type away and share your thoughts and feelings. Most importantly, be kind to yourself. 

 

 

[reader]

Dear coco,

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I hope you are able to FaceTime or talk on the phone with your dad.

Sending my thoughts and prayers.

[amerigo]

Hi Coco, I'm sorry to hear your dad is passing. I live oversesas too and my mom passed away a couple of weeks ago. She was sick with auto-immune diseases very badly for the last three years. We knew she could go at anytime and we knew that it would be hard for me to get over there in enough time. Now the pandemic had added an extra layer of complication. I was able to talk to her on Facebook video chat in the time leading up to her death and moments after she passed. I told her I loved her and the greatest honour of my life was being her son. We had talked several times about if she passed during this pandemic that there is no way I'd be able to come see her and we made peace with that. It's not just the 13 hour flight its also that I have a job and a mortgage and responsibilities in the country where I live. It's not easy to pack up and go. It's the price we pay to live overseas. I found a nice way to deal with the grief though. I'm a strong believer in ritual and we held a small service with 10 of my friends here at my house. We did a proper little service and showed her slideshow that was shown at her funeral. We had refreshments afterward and the whole process helped me immensely. I have a little memorial for her on a shelf in the living room where I put some potted flowers and a cross next to her picture. I light candles when we are in that room during the weekend and it's lovely. I hope something I have written here is helpful for you. G

[TLN]

On 3/23/2021 at 2:13 AM, coco.k said:

I’m filled with guilt and sadness right now, knowing that I might just have to give up the last chance to see my dad in person. 

Dear coco.k, I am so sorry to hear of your situation. A code I try to live by is "if able"; meaning, you can only do what you can do. Don't feel guilty for something you're not able to do. The heart is there, but not the ability. No one should fault you for that. But that doesn't mean the sadness will go away; I know that all too well. My heart goes out to you, dear. Be well. @TLN