Members Ken H Posted March 20, 2021 Members Report Share Posted March 20, 2021 Hard to believe it's been almost 6 months since my Mom passed. I went for about the past month or two kind of "hiding my feelings" and just trying to not think about the enormous loss. Last weekend I made a decision that I needed to go to the cemetery where she was laid to rest next to my Dad who had passed almost 25 years ago. I think I've been putting it off without thinking because I didn't want to open the wound of grieving back up and yet I knew I needed to go so today (brought a lot of anxiety thinking of it) but I went and brought flowers and just stood there at her grave site and talked to her as if she was there and poured out what was on my heart and how I felt so very lost and hurt that she was no longer here. I had tears and I let them flow out and just left there saying that both her and my Dad were the best of the best and I could have never asked for any better parents or especially the closeness and friendship my Mom and I shared but I knew and was happy that she was no longer in pain. I have to admit it was a very hard day ......emotional one, but I think I was better off in doing it although it definitely tore the "grieving wound" wide open. I came away from there feeling that my Mom was truly gone and that somehow and some way I had to get it together and pick up the pieces of my life that have been shattered for months. I don't know where I'm going with this or trying to say but I'm hoping that in doing this today which was hard that the visits will be easier the next time and that not only will I reflect in trying to be a better person each day but also that this was a big step in the grief process. I've learned this grieving process is a long journey and it's a lonely one but I'm lucky to have friends and I just need to confide in them more and talk out what's on my mind instead of just saying "I'm fine". The one thing I've learned that's the hardest thing for my mind to accept is that Mom is gone and will never be back on this earth and I need as I say to confide in friends and even counselors from the hospice company she had and caregivers who offered help in bereavement (I've always had the answer "I'm fine"). No, I need to be honest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members reader Posted March 20, 2021 Members Report Share Posted March 20, 2021 Dear Ken, I'm so sorry for your loss. I hear you and what you said is so true. My default answer was also I'm fine but I wasn't. I didn't know how to ask for help or even ask for what I needed. Or worse, I asked for compassion and only got "get over it" or other hurtful words. I will be eternally grateful for this forum. Met so many kind strangers that offered me the compassion and understanding I needed. It also offered a safe place to vent and to share. I'm glad you have loving friends and family to lean on. Grief is a journey and there are so many ups and downs. I use to go see my dad at this gravesite many times a week and now I'm down to the major holidays. Please know we are with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ken H Posted March 21, 2021 Author Members Report Share Posted March 21, 2021 This is so very true and I'm very grateful to have found this forum. People on here have been compassionate, helpful, and also the very thing that we seem gets lost in the weeks following a loss of a close family member......they listen and I have felt very comfortable in sharing as I will continue. I've come to the realization that this process is a journey and not a easy one and just having support from people on here has meant the world!!! The very true observation I've made is the people in everyday life (even one's that knew Mom) will just reply something like "sorry that this happened but life will go on and get better with time". Funny thing is they are the same people who have not suffered this loss and it will come to a time they will and I hope and pray they truly know the loss and also have ones around them to show them comfort and patience in dealing with this. Just going to Moms gravesite for the first time yesterday and spending some alone time was a milestone in the process of healing and today I woke up thankful that I had done this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Monty Posted March 23, 2021 Members Report Share Posted March 23, 2021 Could not agree more. Grief is definitely a journey. It is not something you just get over. You somehow learn to live with it. It becomes a part of you and changes you forever. I found after the funeral people disappear. The phone calls stop. The text messages stop. People get caught up in their own lives (as they should) and you are left there with your loss. With people assuming you are ok. I am no ok but like yourselves would answer ‘I’m fine’ as I find people get uncomfortable with the real answer. I heard something the other day that said you should treat everyone as though they have a broken heart. Imagine if this was true. All the grieving people would be shown care and compassion because we are walking around trying to live our lives with shattered and broken hearts. I’m so glad going to the cemetery was helpful for you. I went the other day to try and finalise where to place my parents at the cemetery together. It was hard and emotional but I am glad I went. I got back in my car and one of my Dad’s favourite songs was on the radio. I sat in my car and cried so hard. I’m hoping it was a sign from him saying ‘That’s a great spot fo4 us to go’. I miss them so much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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