My dad died suddenly

[Anastasia24]

On July 30th my dad died suddenly at home from sudden cardiac arrest. He had a heart attack four years before which left scarring on his heart, but he recovered really well so he and all of our family were so optimistic. I miss him so much- he was so present in our lives and absolutely adored me - and I still can’t process him being gone. I keep on seeing images in my head of the day he died and him laying in our garden. I’m starting to realise how depressed the fact I could never say goodbye to my beloved dad and tell him I loved him one last time. I feel so guilty about the last time I spoke to him - our puppies he made a mess that morning and I came downstairs at the same time as him and we both saw it, but I asked if I could go back to bed and sleep because I was too tired from my birthday party the night before and he cleared it up. The next time I saw him, he was lying in my garden with my brother being revived. Why did this have to be the last time we spoke? I’m 18 starting my life but his absence is starting to really fill my heart, I’m realising all the things he will miss in my life. It breaks my heart because he told me he wanted to be there for my wedding, and that he wanted to be healthy so he didn’t leave me and my brothers without a dad and my mum a widow. Something felt off the 2 weeks before he died - the hospital said about a month before his heart function had gone down and I could tell it really got to him. The thought of him being upset and worried in the time leading up to his death absolutely kills me. All I want is to be able to tell him how much I love him one last time. I miss him so much

[reader]

Dear Anastasia,

I'm so sorry for the pain and sorrow of losing your beloved and cherished dad. The grief is raw and leaves us reeling. Everything you wrote resonates with me because that's how I felt too after losing my dad. It's really hard.

A counsellor suggested to me talking to my dad out loud as if he was sitting there and telling him all the things I wished I had said. And then replying back to myself what my dad would have said to me. Others have suggested writing a letter to my dad or putting a note in a balloon and releasing it. 

Coping with loss is an ongoing journey. It's been 5 years and I still wish so much my dad was here to see his grandchildren. 

Be kind and gentle with yourself and know that it's only normal and natural to have these thoughts and feelings. 

Please know we are with you.

[Monty]

Anastasia, 

I am so sorry about the loss of your wonderful Dad. From what you have written it sounds like he was a supportive and loving father.

I lost my Mum suddenly 4 years ago to a brain aneurysm. Losing someone suddenly puts you in a state of shock for a long time. When my Mum passed my siblings, my Dad and I all wrote her a letter each. Telling her all the things we wish we could have said to her. These letters were placed inside the coffin with her. Maybe you could write your Dad a letter too. Reader, also had some great suggestions.

Please know that you are not alone. Be kind to yourself. Put one foot in front of the other and take each minute at a time. Hold your Dad’s love in your heart with you. He will always be there.