My Mom and best friend

[Sharon Mc]

In December, my brother had his first flu jab because he turned 50 and was being offered it because of covid risks. A couple of weeks later he was feeling unwell and our GP told him it was probably side effects. On 23rd December he had a negative lateral flow covid test. As he still wasn't getting any better, his wife took him to A&E on Christmas Day. He was told he had a chest infection so we all got together for Christmas dinner as planned. Two days later he was admitted to hospital with covid pneumonia and sepsis. His wife, step daughter, our Mom and myself were also diagnosed with covid in the following days. My Mom was 71 and I am extremely clinically vulnerable so I had tried to persuade Mom we shouldn't go to dinner because my neice was still going out to work and nephews were sharing time with other parents. Mom so desperately wanted to spend time with my brother she wouldn't listen. Following my brother's dishcharge from hospital my Mom was admitted with covid pneumonia and after a few days moved to ICU. A week later she was ventilated to try to ease pressure on her lungs and becauseof how low her oxygen levels were. During this time I was at home unaware of how ill I was and was unable to maintain regular contact with my Mom. Prior to our being ill, we saw each other every day and were best friends as well as Mom and daughter; she was my creator, my teacher, my safe space. Eventually I was admitted to hospital with covid pneumonia, hypoxia, heart strain and bilateral pulmonary embolisms on 17th January. I remember about 4 days between Christmas and then. My Mom was transferred to another hospital which had more space and her condition fluctuated. Sedation was removed and a tracheostomy put in place but she never regained consciousess. She passed away on 31st January. Because I had to isolate for 10 days after leaving hospital I was unable to be with her. We were unable to see her at the funeral directors because of her original covid diagnosis. I didn't have much contact by phone or text with Mom from the end of December and feel I really let her down whenshe needed me. I have such a physically painful hole in my life without her and don't know how to cope without her. My brothers and I are feeling and dealing with our grief very differentlý. They are both married and I live alone and I'm still recovering from the effects of covid. Life feels fairly pointless at the moment and I have no sense of my place in the world without her.

[reader]

Dear Sharon,

(((hugs))) I am so sorry for all the pain and sorrow you are feeling. Losing a beloved parent is incredibly hard.  You were a very devoted daughter and it's only natural you wanted to be with your mom and support her. But you did everything you could under the circumstances given you too were fighting Covid.

Like you, I wanted to protect my dad, I felt like I was the parent in the end and feel like I failed him. Please know you did all you could every day of your life and even when you were sick your thoughts were with your mom. 

Grief is raw and it levels us. It's been 5 years since my dad passed and there are still days I cry over him. Take your time to grieve your mom. I hope you can talk to a trusted friend or family member and get some additional support. I know it doesn't feel that way now, but I truly hope with more time you'll find your place again in the world.

Thinking of you.

[Grayson]

Sharon,

I am deeply sorry for your loss, I understand what you mean by life feeling pointless. My Mother passed on February, 26th 2021 from cancer. My Mother was my best friend, I  am also alone and have long term health problems. I am also struggling to find purpose in my life without my Mother life seems pointless. 

The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that my Mother loved me so much and wanted me to go on, and if I gave up I would be letting her down.

Try to reach out to anyone you can that may be sympathetic to your suffering. Try not to isolate yourself if possible, and if you think you can try grief counseling.

For myself I have had some help taking antidepressants. They have helped me cope without them I would have had a nervous breakdown. I do not know how you feel about medication but I thought I would share my experience with it.

My heart goes out to you.