Loss of my mom

[Genevieve101]

I lost my mom recently to brain and bone cancer. We were told she had 2-4 weeks left and suddenly the day she came home on a hospital bed she was gone the same night i thought i had so much time left with her to tell her how much she meant to me and how much i loved her. The last thing i remember was her hugging me while i was crying because i knew she was leaving me and i couldn’t take the pain. My mom was my best friend we did everything together she was my other half the hardest thing was seeing her in her last moments, her last breath. A part of me can not accept that shes gone and i think its maybe a coping mechanism but i keep telling myself shes in the hospital still she will come back but shes not coming back. I have been depressed i cant go on with out her and i have no idea what to do. 

[BEQUET93]

Please accept my condolences for your loss. It sounds to me like you are still in shock. It is so hard to come to terms with the loss of a parent and even more difficult when the parent was also a best friend. Such a loss takes quite a bit of time to work through. I lost my own mother on November 2nd of last year and I am still working through it. There are days I feel that sense of absence that I felt on that first night, when she was no longer in the hospital bed.

It might help to see a therapist or counselor of some kind. Take any opportunity to externalize your thoughts and feelings. Life cannot be what it was and you will always have sad moments, during which you remember and miss your mother, but they will become manageable and you will eventually be able to again experience happiness. It is going to take some time, but it is possible to heal from your profound loss. I wish you the best

[JodyLM]

I'm so sorry for your loss. My mom & best friend died from covid on Jan. 9th of this year. Six days after she died I ended up in the ICU with covid pneumonia. I was put on oxygen and spent 5 days in the hospital. I really wasn't able to grieve, although I found myself crying in my hospital bed many times. But I would always stop as soon as anyone entered the room. God forbid anyone should see my tears. Which looking back makes no sense to me. I spent 2 weeks recovering at home alone before I was able to return to work. I don't know why my grief is something I feel the need to hide or not talk about. I know this is not healthy. When I'm alone with my grief I feel a tidal wave of emotions and I feel like I'm drowning. I find everything to be so gray and my life feels pointless. Like you I am struggling to go on. It's like I don't know how to do this thing called life without her.  

[reader]

Dear Genevieve,

(((hugs))) I'm so sorry for your loss. Normal to feel raw during this very sad and difficult time. It's very hard.

Please know you are not alone. And it's important to get some additional supports either through friends and family or a counsellor or pastor. 

Thinking of you.

[Hudson]

Genevieve,

I'm so sorry for your pain.  My Mom went back and forth to the hospital so many times, but always came home.  When she passed away, I was still waiting for her to come home. Sometimes I still think that because the pain of realizing I will never see her again is unbearable. I was with my Mom when she took her last breath. I think about it and I worry that I said the right thing. Did I comfort her by being there? Does she know how much I love her?  Sorry, I sort of went off topic. I do understand how you feel. 

The more support you have the better. I'm reading some books about grief and loss. This website has helped me. It made me feel like I wasn't alone. Everyone has been so kind. 

JodyLM...... I am still trying to figure out how to live without her. My sister gives me a weird look when I cry. Now I cry in the bathroom or at night.  It really shouldn't be that way. You need to find someone you trust to talk to. You can't keep it bottled up. I am still trying to get out of the dark. Keep your head above the water. Many people have told me that this feeling will not last forever. Take care.

Hudson