Feels depressed and no one to talk to

[nuvar]

As some of you might know, my mum passed on unexpectedly (early 2018) following bad advice by doctors to go for surgery and my dad has dementia. Im the only child and estranged from relatives from both sides. My mum was the pillar and glue in our small family and I was the troublemaker and not the bundle of joy or pride (imo)

Sometimes I feel so depressed. Just feels very alone and abandoned. Dont know where to seek help and rant. I visit a psychiatrist but it's mainly to purchase medications so as to continue work. Coming to late 30s

Life is kind of lifeless for me. I dont have many friends to get in touch with since they have their own families and we stopped contacting a long time. Actually I dont really have many friends at all.

Taking care of my father is not easy but I also wish to keep him around yet hes surely slowly getting worse. I dont really know what I want or wish for. Seems like theres nothing in life left for me. Only reason that Im working is because of my dad and me owing loans, otherwise I really dont know what am I looking forward to

[Mels060716]

Hi Nuvar - I am new here as I lost my dad 3 weeks ago. I can feel your sadness and I am sorry you are feeling this way. I don't know if I can provide relief or solutions for you but I can listen. I can relate to you because I too do not have a support system. As you know all too well, the emotions are intense and overwhelming. I have cried for help to the people that I want help from but I have been brushed off, dismissed or straight up ignored. My mother in law dismisses everything about my loss (she knew my dad very well) and carries on like nothing happened. My husband is rushing me to "get over it" and "return to normal". I have become just a checklist item on someone's to do list. All of this just adds to the intensity of already unmanageable emotions. Loud noises bother me now, I crave silence but with 2 kids, a dog and a husband it never happens. My coping right now is running, I run 3 times a week. I get to be alone and can run for as long as I want. I have only ONE friend I can speak too and to not overwhelm everyone else (some people make me feel like a burden), I have joined online support groups (like this one) and have an appointment with my doctor to discuss options. It is hard to find joy and what you love - I know, I gave up my running for a few weeks because I thought, what's the point? But it does make me feel better even for a short moment. What did you enjoy doing before your mom passed away? 

Take Care - I am here if you need to talk so more