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Lost my mom in January


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Hi everyone, 

I lost my mom on January 9th. It was expected. She was 91 and had a great, long life. But I am still not coping very well. My dad passed in 2012 and I was in grad school at the time, and has two kids (they were 8 and 12 at the time). My oldest sister was supposed to be taking care of mom but she was more caught up in enabling her sons drug use than taking care of mom. Mom ended up in congestive heart failure and with a wound on her leg that had mersa in spring 2013. After she got out of the hospital, she moved in with me. She lived with me full time for two years and then another sister (I have 6) and I started splitting her care 6 months and 6 months. We kept that up until last summer. Last July,  I was camping in Wyoming with my family and I knew my sister had to leave for a planned trip but my husband and oldest son had only been there for a few days (they were finishing a job and didn't make it out until about 10 days after their planned arrival), so i made arrangements to have my oldest son's girlfriend stay with my mom at our house for a few days until we returned. On the way home, I started panicking about Covid and I couldn't get a test for a few days, so I asked another sister, who lives right next door to me if mom could stay there for a few days until I got tested or we had quarantined for 14 days and she said yes. But, mom fell on her way into my sister's house and skinned her leg really badly and she was just tired of moving. She ended up in the hospital 2 or 3 times over the next month and she never really recovered. After her last trip to the hospital, she decided she didn't want to go back and entered into home hospice care. When we first got home, I thought she would be back at my house in two weeks and she never came back. She passed at my sisters house. Now, I see her everywhere in my house because she has been such a presence here for so long, and it is really hard. I miss her. 

I also have an extremely stressful and high demand job, and I teach a couple of online college courses on the side, so i am super busy and stressed most of the time. I don't sleep well. It is a lot.

But, things have been getting a little better. I stopped using alcohol to cope and I have been exercising and getting outside now that it is spring.  I am trying to feel hopeful.

Thank you all for "listening."

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Dear Molly,

My condolences and sympathies on the loss of your beloved mom. I'm so sorry for your loss. 

All your thoughts and feelings are understandable and normal. I know for myself I thought my dad could live to a 100 and it still wouldn't be long enough. 

There is a lot on your plate. Be kind and gentle with yourself and keep taking it day by day. 

Please know we are with you.

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