I lost him...

[asmith4716]

This is my first post. My husband has been battling brain cancer since 2015. He just had his 4th brain surgery that shows the tumor progressed to stage 4. He can no longer dress himself, use the restroom, speak very well, or do anything other than sleep on his own. We've been married for 9 years and he used to be a wonderful bass player and worked in a recording studio. I miss him so much. I feel like I lost my husband. I love him so much.

[Maria_PI]

Oh, asmith4716! Am so sorry you are going through this with your husband! It is so hard to watch your loved soulmate suffer and deteriorate in such a devastating way! I watched the leukemia slowly turn my strong confident man into someone who could hardly walk to the bathroom or even eat by himself, in full conscience. I don’t know what hurt him more, his body or his soul. He was also a bass player, before the horrible disease took away all his strength, he would play the bass for hours every day, at the end he could hardly hold it, let alone press on the strings. I can totally relate to your heartbreak! I hope you find some solace in the love you share! (((Hugs)))


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[Gail 8588]

ASmith, 

I am so sorry for you and your husband. What you are going through is so unfair. He is blessed to have you by his side. Talk to him, even if he can't respond or doesn't appear to be aware. I firmly believe your presence will give him comfort. Knowing you did all you could will give you a small measure of comfort sometime in the future.

Gail

[KayC]

13 hours ago, asmith4716 said:

This is my first post. My husband has been battling brain cancer since 2015. He just had his 4th brain surgery that shows the tumor progressed to stage 4. He can no longer dress himself, use the restroom, speak very well, or do anything other than sleep on his own. We've been married for 9 years and he used to be a wonderful bass player and worked in a recording studio. I miss him so much. I feel like I lost my husband. I love him so much.

I am so sorry.  I lost my dog to cancer 1 1/2 years ago...I lost my MIL to cancer 33 1/2 years ago (I took care of her the last three years when she was bedridden with it).  Anticipatory grief is like losing them bit by bit, it's so hard, watching them go downhill, losing pieces of themselves little by little...and us with it.

We want to be here for you as you go through this journey.  I can't imagine anything harder than going through this with your spouse (my husband's death was sudden/unexpected, like a sucker punch to the gut).  Having been through anticipatory grief, it felt like it didn't begin to prepare me for the eventual loss, as there's still that finality, I won't lie to you, and yet we are processing it even when we aren't aware of it.

Feel free to vent, cry, scream, we get it.  I wish we could alleviate some of your pain...his too.

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/08/anticipatory-grief-and-mourning.html 

[jmmosley53]

Oh ASmith4716,

It is tragic that you and your love are going through this.

One thing I know for sure is that you will never regret: 

1. Holding his hand till he says 'let go'
2. Kissing him till he says 'stop it'
3. Telling him you love him till he says 'I know already'
4. Spoil him, fuss over him, and let him know he is the most important person in the world to you and nothing is more important.

I say this because so many of us were totally blindsided by the death of our loved one.

I hope you husband is able to stay with you for a long time, but if he has to go sooner than later you will be glad you heaped love on him.  You probably already do all those things I mentioned, but I just had to say it.

 

[JohnB]

I'm so sorry to read this.  But you've found a place with some really great people who have shared in some really awful things.  My thoughts are with you!