Learn something

[Roxeanne]

I'm asking to myself if there is something i have to learn from his death

For instance patience...i am not such a patient person

For instance keep my anger at bay...the anger that sometimes hurts someone 

And in general understand and accept that the world doesn't revolves around me, understand and accept that the cycle of life and death is natural and it's that cycle and it's mistery wich allows life to esixt and proliferates for millions of years

Have i to learn and let go that still is hard ?

Anyone of the old grievers reflects on that ?

[KayC]

I have learned so much in the last nearly 16 years since George's death, more than in the rest of my life put together.  No way could I list it all!  The journey, while extremely painful in the earlier years, has been rich in value, at the same time I'd trade everything to have him back for five minutes, I'm sure you all get that.  I've developed confidence and been forced to be independent.  I do get tired of it sometimes, wishing he were here to just hold me, talk things over with, share in life with, okay I wish that constantly but I know it's not going to happen.  This is my reality, I am alone.  

I do not "move on," "let go," etc. Maybe it's just semantics but important ones.  No part of me ever wanted to lose him, he was my soulmate and always will be!  I will always love him.  But I have learned to accept the reality that this is my life now and try to do my best with it.  I try to look for good and continue to do one day at a time.  I try not to "borrow trouble" and worry about all of the what ifs but it's a struggle sometimes.  I've learned to live in this present moment, to appreciate and embrace that which is good, not to compare as that's a real joy-killer.

[Gail 8588]

Roxeanne, 

One realization that came to me, that I never understood before, was how many people bear incredible grief burdens.  Not just widows/widowers but people who have lost a child, a sibling, a best friend etc.

Anyone who had a deep soul-linking relationship can have their life shattered by a death.   

As we now know, that anguish can last for years.

I believe I am a more empathetic person now.

Gail

[steveb]

6 hours ago, KayC said:

I do not "move on," "let go," etc. Maybe it's just semantics but important ones.  No part of me ever wanted to lose him, he was my soulmate and always will be!  I will always love him.  But I have learned to accept the reality that this is my life now and try to do my best with it.  I try to look for good and continue to do one day at a time.  I try not to "borrow trouble" and worry about all of the what ifs but it's a struggle sometimes.  I've learned to live in this present moment, to appreciate and embrace that which is good, not to compare as that's a real joy-killer.

Words to live by KayC. Thank you so much for guiding us through our grief journey. 

[jmmosley53]

Roxeanne,

I think the biggest thing I have learned from my husbands death is the depth of emotion I have inside me.  I had no idea before that I could feel so much pain.  I did not know before how much a part of my heart my husband held.

I pretty much knew already that the world didn't revolve around me but, my perspective or interpretations of what is going on around me is all I have to go on.  I knew that there was a life/death cycle and that it was a natural part of life but, those were just words people say until it is your beloved.  Now those words invoke a 'oh, shut up and sit down' feeling towards the speaker, I only think that I don't say it.

[foreverhis]

16 hours ago, jmmosley53 said:

Roxeanne,

I think the biggest thing I have learned from my husbands death is the depth of emotion I have inside me.  I had no idea before that I could feel so much pain.  I did not know before how much a part of my heart my husband held.

I pretty much knew already that the world didn't revolve around me but, my perspective or interpretations of what is going on around me is all I have to go on.  I knew that there was a life/death cycle and that it was a natural part of life but, those were just words people say until it is your beloved.  Now those words invoke a 'oh, shut up and sit down' feeling towards the speaker, I only think that I don't say it.

I believe I knew, but didn't fully comprehend, that my husband held every bit of my heart.  I didn't know how deeply broken I would feel, both physically and emotionally, when my heart and life shattered into tiny pieces.

So true that no one can fully understand unless and until it happens to them.  I have gotten braver in telling people that.

[Sparky1]

6 hours ago, foreverhis said:

I have gotten braver in telling people that.

I tell people straight out. I've told my brother in law ( my sister's husband), to cherish what he has and to make up after quarrels. I've told him your life will be devastated if you lose your wife, so be grateful for everything.  I know how it has changed my life and I know what I'm talking about. He's going through some tough times right now and is very depressed. The little things in life are not worth worrying over. The love and bond that we share is more important, afterall we bring nothing material with us when we go.

[jmmosley53]

41 minutes ago, Sparky1 said:

I tell people straight out. I've told my brother in law ( my sister's husband), to cherish what he has and to make up after quarrels. I've told him your life will be devastated if you lose your wife, so be grateful for everything.

It is odd that we at this site see what you are saying here so clearly now.  I tell my sisters to stop and create mental images of precious moments with their loved ones.  They will need them someday.

[Yoli]

I have learnt that I do not like being here one bit without Indy.

I have learnt that my love runs deeper that I ever could have imagined.

I have learnt that I must now be my own protector.

I have learnt that a good percentage people are selfish, shallow idiots.