I want my Mum

[Julia1972]

Hi, I suppose I'm writing here because I don't know what else to do. I live overseas, in Asia and 3 years ago I decided to commute between 2 countries. We decided this because my beautiful father passed away suddenly 7 years ago and my mother was lonely and still young at heart. It was working for our family, 3 kids at school near my Mum and I would fly back (8hr flight)  to where my husband, their father was - Asia. We were all happy. And then Covid emerged. To be a family again, we decided to moved back to Asia till Covid settled. My Mum was ok with that and I promised we would back in 6 months. Three days before Christmas my Mum was swimming at the beach and then had a coffee. Next thing she had a bit of back pain and she was rushed to hospital. She had a 8 cm ruptured aneurysm. She fought for 10 days and then passed away. I FaceTimed my Mum everyday, sometimes twice a day. I never in my life thought she would die. I didn't think life could be so cruel. To lose my Dad so young and suddenly and now lose my Mum so young and suddenly. I attended her funeral via zoom. I still am unable to process that I was watching my Mother's funeral on a computer. I am still stuck Asia. I have asked my siblings to leave her house and clothes etc.. as is. I have cried so much. I went to a grief counsellor but it did not make me feel any different. I just want to hide away and cry. I keep thinking "it's ok to die now as I would like to be with my Mum & Dad". I have 3 children and a husband but I still would prefer to be with my Mum & Dad. I would never take my own life however if I had a heart attack now it would not worry me. Is this normal grief to think and act like this? I am just wanting my Mum to come back. 

[BEQUET93]

Your thoughts are normal. I think almost everyone who has lost a loved one has experienced that wish to pass and rejoin the lost loved one. I know I have. The role parents play in the lives of their children cannot be underestimated. They were there, from the very beginning and, once they are gone, the world is radically changed. Your loss is recent and it will take time. Everyone is different, but, for me, March 2nd will mark four months since my own mother's passing and I still struggle with her absence. I hope you and your family will accept my condolences.