Coming here

[BBB]

Coming here to this website, this forum, has been an eye opening experience. I cannot believe the sheer number of us who suffer so. I never really thought about it much until I lost my wife some 7 months ago. The amount of sadness is overwhelming. I feel a part of a group that I wish I was not a part of. Yet, aside from my own anguish, I read on and on, story after story mimicking the same thoughts, feelings, and ultimately the same sad ending. I weep for myself but I weep for all of you who share your partner stories. I am saddened by the number of people who lose their significant other, knowing how extremely painful and paralyzing that is. In borrowing a line from Forrest Gump, "Momma always said death was a part of life. I sure wish it wasn't". Me too Forrest... me too. I miss my wife so badly.

 

[LMR]

When I found this site it was an eye opener for me too. I had thought my grief was so much more than I could ever make anyone understand. I was saddened by the number of us dealing with such extreme pain but it was a comfort that there were people who really got it in a way that none of my friends did. I have spent many sleepless nights and frought days reading tge stories here. They are heartbreaking.

I cry here often, for all of us, and I thank everyone for sharing, you are all lifesavers.

[DMB]

I'm coming up on 9 months and was wondering, is it OK to refer to him as my late husband?  Then I got mad as hell.  I'm sad, lonely, and still a bit pissed but I am slowly accepting and moving.  I'm just going to say moving, 'cause you know.  I could go forward, or backward.  Some days I'm just standing still and breathing.  Like today.  I do hate going through those motions, because other than being here for my adult children, my life really has no purpose.......just milking it until it's my time too I guess.  I don't see myself ever loving or even remotely getting close to anyone ever again.  I am grateful though we shared many many friends, and most everyone has been a Godsend to me.  I talked to someone at least one night per week.  It really helps.  I have meat defrosted in the fridge so will have to cook it tonight.  But, I'd still rather just light a match and forget it!  (I am sort of kidding, it's my weird and awful way of learning to cope!)  Take care BBB

[yvo4848]

gosh your so right..I felt that way to when my hubby passed away 40 years ago..Im remarried lost my sweet rat terrier few weeks ago. But come and see what others feel so I don't feel alone. I for one am happy that my hubby still here got remarried. But scared to death when has gone i PRAY AT NITE PLEASE TAKE ME FRIST..PLEASE THE PAIN WOULD KILL ME AND THE ALONNESS would crack my mind in million pieces. You will get better I promise you that I did after 1 years. But again I was young. Please no I care. Yvonne

[KayC]

4 hours ago, DMB said:

is it OK to refer to him as my late husband?

Yes, if you are comfortable with that...that is the technical term after all.  If it doesn't feel comfortable, you can continue to call him your husband except on legal documents, and honestly I hate that they make us fit any mold.

[Gail 8588]

Yvo4848,

I am very glad you found happiness in your second marriage.  I totally understand your desire to not out live this husband. I would feel exactly the same.

Gail

[jmmosley53]

I too am grateful for this site.  It gives me an outlet for venting my pain.  I have a trust that the other posters understand how intense my feeling can be because they have similar feelings.

I do not want to vent to my family.  On the few occasions I have they tend to want to "fix" it for me.  

[BBB]

Yes, I have family members that want to 'fix' this as well. They still don't understand that this isn't fixable. Some people need a lot of time with their grief. I'm beginning to think I have complicated grief.