Members BBB Posted February 16, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 16, 2021 Some days I marvel at all of the people on here. Some days I just want to pull my hair out. I want to jump off a bridge. I try each day to take one day at a time but there are days where I feel like, what's the point? Some days I am paralyzed and cannot do anything. I am amazed at some of the strength in all of you. Some days I just lose it. I feel like I'm doing worse 7-8 months later than before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ScotJ65 Posted February 16, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 16, 2021 Hello BBB, when I lost my partner last year I felt the same way. I was completely broken, just wanted to not be here any more and didn't think that anyone could ever console me. Please believe me when I say that your heart will start to heal eventually, it just takes time and that time is different for everyone. There will be good days (or at least as good as can be expected) and bad days too. Just hang in there, let the tears flow when they have to and never forget your friends are always here to support you. God bless and take care of yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sparky1 Posted February 16, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 16, 2021 BBB, I sympathize with you. I am having all the feelings you mentioned as well. I wonder what purpose I have left if my future is so bleak. I go on but feel like I'm in a nightmare that doesn't want to end. Some days are a bit better and some days I have tears in my eyes all day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 16, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted February 16, 2021 BBB, you are at one of the hardest stages we can go through, reality has smacked us in the face, real hard! And no manual has dropped out of heaven telling us how to do this, it's up to us to wing it, and I thank God for each of you because you all are helping the rest here get through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jmmosley53 Posted February 16, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 16, 2021 Today is one of the days everyone hates. It is cold. I tried do my taxes but I can't make the online thing understand that my husband didn't get his stimulus check because he was dead. Can't they understand how I am crumbling to even say those words aloud. I am just sitting here sobbing. I am so tired of crying every day. I am so tired of my heart aching, I am so tired of talking to a photo instead of my husband. I am just so tired of it all. On the stupid news they keep saying stuff like hunker down with your loved ones. My only loved one is in a urn. I wish I could just lay down and die. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Yoli Posted February 16, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 16, 2021 I just passed the 8 month mark. I ask out loud what is the point in my being here. I am only taking up space and oxygen. If I left tomorrow it would not affect anyone's daily life. There would be no void when anyone got home from work or when they went to bed. Like jmmosely, I am tired of being sad and feeling this way, just tired. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BBB Posted February 16, 2021 Author Members Report Share Posted February 16, 2021 I would like very much to lie down, go to sleep and just not wake back up. I pray for this but unfortunately God doesn't answer my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ScotJ65 Posted February 16, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 16, 2021 Yoli, BBB Your friends on here would miss you, and I bet there's lots of other people would too. You're never alone in your grief, even if it may feel that way sometimes. I believe that God has a purpose for all of us. That's why we're still here in this cruel and unjust world. Maybe we can make a difference somehow, a positive difference to other peoples lives. Who's to say? One day, probably when you're least expecting it, your heart will feel lighter and life will seem just a bit better. Sending you both big hugs. God bless you and never give up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AnnRA Posted February 16, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 16, 2021 Everyone who has posted above (sorry brain fried)— All of your comments have touched me deeply. I totally understand. I too am so, so tired. I do not have the answers at to why we should continue. ScotJ65, your words give me hope, although I am not there yet..... What I do think I can offer is : do EVERYTHING you can to help yourself not hurt so much. For example, are you taking vitamins? Supplements? Magnesium? Adrenal support? Sleep meds/help? Breathing exercises? Sleep is EVERYTHING for us right now. I was mostly stiff and rigid, curling up into a ball to sleep until 2 weeks ago. A friend has got me doing stretching exercises and pilates again (gently). Hopefully no more weight loss, as I make myself eat every 2 hours if I can (not enjoying it). Music? Walks? ANYTHING you can do to comfort yourself... Talk to anyone, ask for help. I do not mean to insult anyone here —we all know these things. Just try at least one thing today... Totally understand about the tax/paperwork problems. I am way behind and can only do a very small bit, on some days, none on others. Like others have said, we must try to move our gaze, stay in the moment. I am trying so hard to do that. Allow yourself to now understand at this point. Come to this site often, write down an idea, we can all help each other, just a bit at a time. Hugs to you all/ Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AnnRA Posted February 16, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 16, 2021 Oops - I meant to say: Allow yourself to NOT understand at this point....Every time I try and think this through, to process it all, I get stuck in the crushing sorrow and darkness and longing... I can only pull myself out of that by doing something good/healthy for myself...that helps small bit..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Diane R. E. Posted February 17, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 17, 2021 20 hours ago, ScotJ65 said: Maybe we can make a difference somehow, a positive difference to other peoples lives. Thank you ScotJ65; I believe this is true. First we must take care of ourselves, but when we are ready, I think we all have something we can offer others. Initially, I definitely had to take one day at a time. But now I'm finding I don't want every day going forward to be a day to simply survive. I can't yet think about what I will do for another 10, 15, or 20 years, but I CAN think about the short term future. I remember in Kay's article that the last tip says to consider volunteering, and I'm going to move forward with that. I feel fortunate that I still had an active nursing license in MN, so I applied and got my AZ nursing license. Then I applied and was approved to be a volunteer with the Maricopa Department of Public Health. It just came through, so I haven't signed up for anything yet, but plan on doing so. I pray all of us can find some small way to be of service to others (when you are ready). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 17, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted February 17, 2021 The thing that gives me my most purpose in life is being here for others going through it, I never want anyone to go through it alone, I''m so thankful I found my forum after losing George, it was many years more before joining this one. I do want to remind people that feel like ending it all (and believe me, that thought occurs to most of us in the beginning), please give yourself much time to process your grief and begin to see some evolution in your journey. Had I not given it that time I would have broken my family's hearts and who knows if I'd have seen George again...and I never would have known my grandchildren or had my special animals. There are friends I never would have known, I would have missed so much. I know it's hard to see it right now where you're at, but you won't always feel as you do today. There have been some good suggestions here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gail 8588 Posted February 18, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 18, 2021 To all of you who are feeling so lost and that life is pointless, I want to let you know I was right there too. For a long time, sadly. I think this is part of the "traumatic brain injury" recovery process. In another post there was a link to an article that discussed how grief was like a traumatic brain injury. I think that article speaks the truth. My brain injury seemed to begin to heal in my 4th year. It was a slow process and I think I am still improving. My brain is functioning so much better now. I can see a path forward. I am reconnected to life. Be patient with yourself. Give your brain time to heal. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BBB Posted February 18, 2021 Author Members Report Share Posted February 18, 2021 Feels like a brain injury coupled with a heart injury. Sometimes I wonder if there's any PTSD. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gail 8588 Posted February 18, 2021 Members Report Share Posted February 18, 2021 On 2/16/2021 at 6:41 AM, LoveNeverDies said: It takes time to come out of the shock and fog of losing our loves. You’re not going crazy, I found this article that explains it well... https://www.discovermagazine.com/mind/the-traumatic-loss-of-a-loved-one-is-like-experiencing-a-brain-injury Here is that article on brain injury. Hope it helps. Thanks LoveNeverDies. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 19, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted February 19, 2021 18 hours ago, Gail 8588 said: In another post there was a link to an article that discussed how grief was like a traumatic brain injury. This articulates what I've long believed! Brain Injury comparatively Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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